As a widow, one of the hard things we face is now writing this chapter of life alone… ALONE!
Widowhood is such a lonely place and unless you are a widow you really can’t understand it. (And I would never want that for you) As I began my journey without Douglas by my side, I found myself lost in a world of business. Raising 3 grieving daughters, running our 2 businesses, figuring out my duties (that Doug always did), and being a grieving wife. Reaching for my phone to call him to share exciting news or ask for his opinion, to only be brought to tears with a thrown phone.
We are left to figure out this new life we are given. Hoping… Wishing… those around us could just know what we need. A shoulder to cry on, coffee brought to us, a phone call to possibly just sit in silence hearing our tears as we cry. In the beginning, we are overwhelmed with the love of others wanting to make us better. Then as time goes on those overwhelmed turn to loneliness. Those that said they would be there for us or would check on us are nowhere to be found.
With the loneliness of grief also comes the need for others to “make you better”. They say words that cause confusion or make us feel more lost and hurt. You are covered with others’ opinions, advice, encouragement, and hurtful statements.
BE A DUCK!
I was told numerous times when I lost Doug, “time will heal you”. When in all actuality time caused me more heartache.
“He’s no longer in pain”
“You are young, you will find love again”
“It has been 4 years…”
“The tears will stop”
“You will start to forget the heartache”
“I understand you are sad, but…”
“I can’t imagine what you are going through”
“How are you surviving”
These are just a few of the unimaginable statements loved ones said to me, I truly didn’t have it in me to correct them or share with them how hurtful they were being. I now believe they didn’t have any clue how hurtful they were being.
Now 6 ½ years into my widowhood journey, I would encourage you to not let others coat you with statements that don’t feel right. Raising my 3 daughters I would use the statement, “be a duck” when they felt others say hurtful things to them. See duck’s feathers will not allow the water to absorb into them, the water beads and rolls off their back. I now wish someone would have reminded me to “be a duck”!
So, to those dealing with grief, stay strong within yourself and do not allow the statements of others to determine YOUR journey. And to those who have someone in their life facing grief… put caution in your words!
Do not ever allow someone to take your grief, your sorrow, your sadness, your pain, and make it ABOUT THEM! Understand it is most likely their insecurity with seeing your heartache. It may be their belief of how they have done it or would do it. But what many don’t understand is we each get to travel it our OWN WAY!
Don’t ever apologize for how you feel… How you handle… How you face… How you walk now in widowhood.
I get to do it my way and the next widow gets to do it her way. There may be similarities in our journey, but still our own.
Be the warrior in your story!
Love and Blessings