Feeling Different

When something traumatic happens to you that isn’t commonly experienced by just anyone. When you feel like you had no choice or say in the matter and certainly no control over the outcome. When you realize statistically that it is harder to find people who can relate to your feelings and experiences around you in your everyday life,… Then something terribly sad seems to happen. You feel like you don’t fit anymore in the world you used to belong in. You begin to feel like you carry a label on you at all times that try as you might you can’t erase. You feel defined by what has happened to you and it is a heavy weight to carry that feels impossible to remove from your shoulders. To combat this hopeless feeling, it seems to daily require drawing a line in the sand and declaring, “I will not be defined by what has happened to me,” and this calls for strength and courage.

I take notice of this in my own life on a daily basis. Even the simplest of daily errands, like walking through a department store with my sweetheart in my mind always and missing him a constant burden in my heart. I carry these things and I realize that more than likely few people I pass by have had a similar experience. I don’t talk about it or share it with just anyone. I want them to think I am a happily married Mom just out running errands with her kiddos. It feels a bit like I am acting, trying to blend in when I feel so out of place.

At my age, most mothers with young children are married and have been for nearly a decade. In my research it was hard to find a recent statistic for young widows. One source I found described widows under 40 as representing about 7% of all widows. This likely increased some since the pandemic swept through but still remains a very small amount of the population.

My journey coping with this great loss and a hopeless sense of not belonging has been met with the grace and provision and God. He has given me the strength to get through each day and the provision of the daily needs of myself and my children. He has provided help and prayer through others and given me wisdom to make decisions when I feel totally exhausted and overwhelmed and scared. Most of all God has given me a promise I can count on that thanks to the death and sacrifice of his son Jesus, heaven is where I will be reunited again with my husband someday. That being said, it doesn’t erase the heartache I carry each day and I don’t think I will ever ever understand why this happened to him, and to my children and I.

I have noticed that my heartache helps me to be more aware of and compassionate toward the heart aches of others. I am not the only person carrying a burden and feeling defined by what happened to me. Everyone has a story and a journey that I truly know nothing about. I try to remind myself of that when I feel the temptation to compare what has happened to me to the happiness I assume is present in all these other families that wander past. But that is only an assumption and usually it is incorrect.

So many dear people feel so alone in the world, as if no one understands their pain. Adults and children whom have endured a type of abuse or neglect. Victims of crimes of all sorts, soldiers living with PTSD after bravely facing turmoil in order to serve our country and protect our freedoms. People born with disabilities or serious medical conditions, people battling painful diseases each day. And there are so many examples I haven’t written here.

It reminds me the importance of not letting my grief consume me to the extent that I don’t see that there are others around me that need help and encouragement that I can do something about.

In Hope & Prayers,

This Widow Mama

Do you know someone ready to make a meaningful impact this holiday season? Join us in embracing the true spirit of giving by getting involved in the Hope for Widows Foundation’s ‘Bring Hope Holiday Assistance Program’ virtual initiative, now in its third year. This program directly supports widows who may be struggling to provide gifts and essentials for their children during the holiday season.
For many widows facing financial challenges, the choice between keeping the lights on, putting food on the table, and buying presents can be heart-wrenching. When you add the responsibilities of solo parenting, the weight of grief, and the toll it takes emotionally and physically, the burden becomes even greater.
To become a sponsor and access more information, and details visit the following link: https://bit.ly/3ZROBWo
For our widows/hope sisters in the community, please stay tuned as we’ll be sending out widow applications for sponsorship this holiday season very soon.
Let’s come together and make a difference in the lives of those who need it most.

About Dorothy Swanson

Dorothy lost her beloved husband Oct 2021 to a very unexpected bacterial pneumonia that quickly became septic shock. Her other half and best friend was born with a serious congenital heart defect. Because of that, she had always feared the possibility of being a widow, but she thought it more likely to be due to his heart, and more likely when her husband was in his 50s after the children were grown. Instead, he graduated to heaven just one week before turning 34. Dorothy was 36 with young sons ages 5 and 16 months who adored their Daddy. In less than 48 hours, the life Dorothy and her beloved husband so carefully built together shattered. They were blessed to share just over 8 wonderful, joyous and fun years of marriage. While her heart is so thankful to God for having had their journey together, she has struggled since his death with feeling hurt and let down by God. She has felt so devastated that their love story was short and ended so abruptly. Join her as she shares her unfolding journey of grasping to faith in Christ as she journeys through love, loss, single parenthood, honoring her husband's legacy and guiding her sons through their grief and life without Daddy.