The time of year has hit where there ae so many days that have meanings to me but really no one else. Literally I can sit and relive each day from today though November 3, 2019. Many sounds even trigger a memory/emotion that I believed for so long I had “healed”.
Monday morning I woke up with an achy, sore, felt as it I was sunburned, dehydrated and strained each muscle from a workout. Overall weird feeling. Arrived at school and even told my AP I was feeling off, was “here” but please don’t walk through my classroom today because I wasn’t sure I would make the day. Got through the day, went home and crashed. Tuesday felt the same way but decided to “just keep swimming” and headed to school. I love my job and students to a fault and know some (ok most) of my kids are counting on me being there each day because it is something constant in their lives. SO, off to work feeling like poo….then it hit. Driving the freeway, roof open, music blaring and the song came on. The one song that plays each and every time I need to snap back to reality, if you will. No More Tears by Ozzy Osbourne. That was the sign I needed.
Almost instantly the achy, overworked muscle feel was gone but the wave a tears came for a few minutes. Thinking I could handle the day better I pushed forward and started planning my day in my head. I knew what the underlying issue was and thought I had it. Nope. Each thing set me off that day. I was made at the world, that one (set of twins actually) student that you know has so much potential but is 17 and thinks they know everything grated on my nerves worse than ever, each time the phone rang, a student was late, etc. etc. My one girl said, who I can calm down in almost any situation, “I’m not sure what’s up with Mrs. W but don’t test her today”. That hit home. I was allowing my grief and dread to surface. Yes, that is ok I completely understand but it was showing and I could not control it.
Brings us to Wednesday – activity schedule for club meetings (teach high school graphic design) and my 1st period class basically formed a coup. I walked in to close the door after the tardy bell and they are all standing around our work table and said, politely mind you, take a seat we need talk. One of the young ladies created a group chat and they discussed how I had been acting. In the texting they had discussed everything to I was getting ready to quit, something major was happening in my life, to even I just had a headache then it hit one of them the time of year it was and it was figured out. Some of these kids have been with me since shortly after Glenn passed plus my family is a presence in my room. I truly believe to build the quality relationships with your students they need to know you are a real person. Therefore they celebrate things in y life and we celebrate theirs. We are a family. Anyway, I digress, back to their coup. There was hugs, tears, laughter and then they presented me with the following on a paper. Might add it was nicely typed and each had signed it. I decided this is how I would make my way back to posting and sharing on this blog. I hope you enjoy their rendition of “Handling the Anniversary”.
Handling the Anniversary
Handling the anniversary of your husband’s death can be an emotionally challenging experience. It’s a time when grief and memories may resurface strongly. Here are some strategies to help you navigate this difficult time:
- Acknowledge Your Feelings: It’s completely normal to have a mix of emotions on this day, including sadness, anger, nostalgia, and even relief. Allow yourself to feel whatever emotions come up without judgment. Remember that grief is a natural process, and there is no “right” way to feel.
- Plan Ahead: Consider how you want to spend the day. Some people find comfort in doing something to honor their loved one’s memory, such as visiting their gravesite, creating a memorial, or participating in a meaningful activity that you used to enjoy together.
- Reach Out for Support: Don’t hesitate to lean on friends and family for support. Let them know that the anniversary is approaching and that you may need someone to talk to or be with on that day. Sharing your feelings and memories with others who loved your husband can be comforting.
- Self-Care: Take care of yourself physically and emotionally. This might involve engaging in self-care activities such as meditation, yoga, taking a long walk, or simply having a quiet day to yourself. Treat yourself with kindness and compassion.
- Reflect and Remember: Spend some time reflecting on the positive memories you shared with your husband. Consider creating a scrapbook or writing a letter to him, expressing your thoughts and feelings. This can be a therapeutic way to honor his memory.
- Surround Yourself with Comfort: Surround yourself with items that bring you comfort or remind you of your husband, such as photographs, mementos, or favorite music. These can provide a sense of closeness and connection.
- Seek Professional Help: If you find that the anniversary is exceptionally difficult and your grief is overwhelming, consider speaking with a grief counselor or therapist. They can provide guidance and coping strategies tailored to your specific needs.
- Create New Traditions: Sometimes, starting a new tradition or doing something different on the anniversary can help shift the focus from the pain of loss to a more positive or meaningful experience. It doesn’t mean forgetting your loved one but finding a way to carry their memory forward.
- Connect with Support Groups: Joining a grief support group can be particularly beneficial during anniversaries and other challenging times. You’ll find others who understand what you’re going through and can offer valuable insights and comfort.
- Be Gentle with Yourself: Remember that healing from the loss of a loved one is a long and ongoing process. There is no “right” way to handle the anniversary of your husband’s death, and it’s okay if you have moments of sadness or difficulty even years after the loss. Be patient with yourself and allow yourself to grieve at your own pace.
Above all, remember that the anniversary of your husband’s death is a personal and emotional journey, and how you choose to commemorate it should be based on what feels right for you. Always remember we are here for you Mrs. Williams and that we love you. You are FAMILY.
About Pam Williams
Pam was born and raised in Texas and is the oldest of her siblings. She has worked in education for over 15 years with the last two being a graphic design instructor.
In the spring of 2011, with both of them almost 41, lots of baggage between the two (which fondly became known as “the luggage”, Pam met her husband and soulmate Glenn and soon after they began to merge their families. The wonderful journey began but everyone always knew it had been destined.
Pam is a mom and bonus mom to five adult children (plus two wonderful son in laws), a grammy to five adventure seeking grands , and widow after Glenn passed away due to complications of a congenital heart condition on November 3, 2019.
Pam has often blogged, journaled, and spoke about all of the joys, ups and downs, and adventures of their life and has been encouraged by many to actually share with the world. She has begun a personal blog and soon will be publishing for all to enjoy.