Transitioning through grief is part of life’s incredible journey. Everyone experiences numerous opportunities for transformation and reinvention. The chapters of our life will include adventures, learning, and dreams. There will also be chapters where sorrow, loss, and uncertainty will be front and center. Some chapters will require a big change. Going to school for the first time was a big change. Finishing school and starting a new job are big changes. A career change, wedding, new babies, and more, all transform the life we had to something very different.
The change we never want to think about and certainly don’t want to bring into our story is having our husband move to Heaven. Death means separation. Finding ourselves suddenly alone when we are used to having someone special we love to share everything with is really hard. It’s one of life’s passages we have very little control of.
Life changes.
Facing the change our life is going through after our husband moved to Heaven can be challenging. Examining our options and setting some goals may not be as easy as people like to think it is. Depending on where we are in our journey of loss, it may be necessary or expedient for us to temper our expectations and be open to making adjustments or even changing some goals altogether. If we are still in the early stages of grief, the fog and shock may be too great to think clearly what we might need.
For most widows, the level of change they are suddenly feeling can be very big. Sometimes a death can create a dramatic change in the financial picture. Until we are able to absorb and understand the impact of becoming a widow, the goals, ideas, or direction we think we want or need to go may be way off course. This could be because we suddenly find ourselves with a much smaller income, or it could be because we suddenly have a windfall of resources we never had before.
I thought I knew what my life would be like after my husband went home, and it was NOTHING like I imagined. I simply had no grid to prepare me for the way I would suddenly change. I also never expected so many people in my family and in my close relationships to suddenly be so radically different. Whether it was my perception, the impact of my husband’s death on them, or some other reason, it added to the confusion and deeply impacted my ability to function and adapt to those complicated changes.
Chaos loves to rule the day.
The chaos many of us face in the wake of our husband’s departure can feel insurmountable. This makes it very important to find ways and opportunities where we can influence our life going forward by the decisions we make.
Change means a move in another direction. Even when there may not be much we can directly change or do, we can control our attitude. Opening our heart to new beginnings is a good first step, and one we will likely need to keep considering as we find our way forward. Allowing ourselves to embrace change instead of fighting it, will keep us in a more solid position of power over our choices.
It’s important we choose not to fear the end of one chapter in our story. Our past helped shape who we are today. We have that experience and those memories to build on and help us choose more wisely as we step forward.
The future holds possibilities to take us to heights of fulfillment and growth we never dreamed of. With a little time, after we allow ourselves to grieve the hopes and dreams we shared with our husband, we can begin to explore the potential opportunities we may have dismissed before.
God never changes.
God declares in Malachi 3: 6, “I, the Lord, never change.” This is a remarkable and encouraging promise. God does not change! In the midst of our chaos and uncertainty we have a solid truth we can embrace as our anchor to keep us steady in the midst of the storms this life sends us. Yesterday, today, and forever He is the God who is gracious and merciful, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love. The Lord is good to everyone, and He pours His mercy over all He made.
You’re kind and tenderhearted to those who don’t deserve it and very patient with people who fail you. Your love is like a flooding river overflowing its banks with kindness. God, everyone sees Your goodness, for Your tender love is blended into everything You do.
Psalm 145: 8-9 TPT
When we believe in, grasp, and trust the steadfastness of God we have nothing to be afraid of. We are free to eagerly anticipate the start of the next chapter of our life. We can stand in the confidence even if we make mistakes or take wrong turns, as long as we continue to seek God’s guidance, He will protect us and redirect us as needed.
Knowing this empowers us to explore new ideas and be open to new experiences. There may be things we did in our past we somehow left behind we can now bring back to our present. There may be things on our bucket list we never had the chance to try. We may meet people who expose us to ideas and activities we never thought of or heard of.
All of us encounter major changes in our individual lives, and as the world around us continues to change, we need a place to find hope. That hope is found in a personal relationship with the God of Heaven who loves us beyond anything we could even imagine. When Christ enters our lives, He changes us, not just once but day-by-day. We are children of the Living God who is alive and active in us by His Spirit. God promises we can have consistency and know we can conquer every trial and circumstance this life may give because He loves us and promises to bring us through to the victory.
Yet even in the midst of all these things, we triumph over them all, for God made us to be more than conquerors, and His demonstrated love is our glorious victory over everything! So now I live with the confidence there is nothing in the universe with the power to separate us from God’s love. I’m convinced His love will triumph over death, life’s troubles, fallen angels, or dark rulers in the heavens. There is nothing in our present or future circumstances that can weaken His love. There is no power above us or beneath us—no power that could ever be found in the universe that can distance us from God’s passionate love, which is lavished upon us through our Lord Jesus, the Anointed One!
Romans 8: 37-39 TPT
It is my prayer you will cling to the only incomparable answer to navigating every change this new chapter in our lives brings. It is giving every care and fear to the God of Heaven and asking Him to show you which way to go. He has a purpose and destiny for us to fulfill. We are not alone. He wants to shower us with His love. He wants us to talk to Him and tell Him every burden in our heart. He wants to take those fears and burdens and turn them into peace and blessings.
Every gift God freely gives us is good and perfect, streaming down from the Father of lights, who shines from the heavens with no hidden shadow or darkness and is never subject to change. God was delighted to give us birth by the truth of His infallible Word so we would fulfill His chosen destiny for us and become the favorite ones out of all His creation!
James 1: 17-18 TPT
Things will continue to change — in the world around us and in our lives. Some of those changes will feel like a tiny ripple, and others like a ten-foot wave. No matter what changes we face, we will not fear. We don’t need to hide or despair. God is our rock and anchor. God never changes! His character and promises remain fixed forever.
God, You’re such a safe and powerful place to find refuge! You’re a proven help in time of trouble—more than enough and always available whenever I need you. So we will never fear even if every structure of support were to crumble away. We will not fear even when the earth quakes and shakes, moving mountains and casting them into the sea. For the raging roar of stormy winds and crashing waves cannot erode our faith in You.
Psalm 46: 1-3 TPT
About Teri Miner
Teri’s dance with grief actually began over five years before she watched her beloved husband of almost 37 years take his last breath and enter Heaven’s door on October 6, 2019. A terminal degenerative neurological disease steadily and increasingly attacked nearly every major system of his body and transformed him from a vibrant, brilliant, strong and caring man to a bedfast invalid at the end. She was devoted to caring for him and doing her best to make the most of every minute they had left, to love him and pray for a miracle.
She thought she knew what her future held, but she had no idea. Losing him was the first time she experienced a close and personal loss. He was the love of her life. The onslaught of the pandemic with its reign of fear-mongering, forced isolation and separation entering the scene and disrupting or destroying whatever sense of “normal” that remained, just added insult to injury.
Her faith in God is the sustaining force keeping her fighting spirit to find and share hope in a bright future. Her heart’s desire is to walk beside her fellow widows toward a path of promise and healing. She wants to offer encouragement and hope so others can find the strength to take that next breath or next step. She recently started her own blog, https://widowwhispers.blogspot.com/, to share with other widows not only the struggles and hardships of widowhood, but the triumphs. Her hope is found in leaning on the Lord Jesus to enjoy a God inspired future anchored in expectation He will bring us to a fulfilling and meaningful life.
Such a beautiful post, thank you for your words. There is so much change in our life after my husband passed away unexpectedly. It’s been one unwanted change after another. Life is so very different for my kids and me. We are in recent grief and have everything to rebuild. Thank you for reminding He does not change.
My dear fellow believers, you need to understand all of our Jewish ancestors who walked through a wilderness long ago were under the glory cloud and passed through the waters of the sea on both sides. They were all baptized into the cloud of glory, into the fellowship of Moses, and into the sea. They all ate the same heavenly manna and drank water from the same spiritual rock that traveled with them—and that Rock was Christ Himself.
1 Corinthians 10: 1-4 TPT
It can feel like we are wandering aimlessly in the wilderness after the death of our beloved husband and father of our children. Clinging to Jesus, our steadfast Rock, helps us find the courage, strength, and endurance to keep pressing forward.
Father, please fill her, and all of us who are struggling to navigate the changing tides in the wake of our sorrow, with Your peace that passes all human understanding. Quiet our hearts cries with Your love. Wrap us in Your comfort and bring forth every blessing and provision to help us find and stand on the firm foundation we need to boldly pursue and fulfill all the plans and purposes You created us to do. In the Holy name of Jesus we pray, Amen.