Widows are searching for comfort. We find ourselves thrust into a whole new life when our soul mate and life partner we confided in, loved, and shared every aspect of our life with, is suddenly permanently removed from our physical presence. The transforming grace of God comforts us and empowers us to overcome the many facets of grief we encounter after the loss of our husband.
Many widows feel forgotten, lonely, and separated from the world they once enjoyed in the company of their husband. Even after the initial shock of the loss begins to subside, most of us encounter radical changes in how we view and interact with the world around us. Relationships change. Family dynamics shift. There can be significant adjustments in income and/or housing. Many widows change their eating habits, routine, or encounter new health conditions. Depending on the level and quality of support they have, all this and more can bring deep feelings of fear, depression, and loneliness that may feel very overwhelming.
The loss of your husband is so significant it is rated as the most stressful event people face according to the Holmes and Rahe Stress Scale. It can have a profound impact no matter how long you were married. Losing a lifetime companion when you are elderly can be devastating.
This week I find myself missing my beloved husband even more than usual and I’m unsure what triggered this feeling. Grief is like that. It can be so unpredictable. Maybe it’s just the time of year. January can be a gloomy time with the cold weather and much shorter days, especially following all the activity and commotion most of us engage in through the Christmas holidays.
There’s a lot of uncertainty not only in the world around me but in my life. I’ll soon be hitting that great transition of turning 65. I’m being assaulted on every front with companies wanting me to look at Medicare and all the changes that can bring. I need to explore possible changes in my Social Security benefits and now I will be eligible for a small pension from one of the jobs I had, and I need to file all that paperwork. These are the kind of things I was always glad my husband could help me navigate… but now he can’t.
In one of my Bible studies, we are exploring and digging deep in Jesus’ sermon on the mount. It is written in Matthew chapters five through seven. It is by far Jesus’ longest explanation of what it looks like to live as His follower and to serve as a member of God’s Kingdom. Jesus teaches, using stories and parables, many things that represent the major ideals of the Christian life. Serving God’s Kingdom here on earth is different from following in the secular world’s way of doing things.
It opens with Jesus giving us the Beatitudes. Many Christians study these and there have been many songs written about them. Beatitude means blessing. They are blessings God bestows on us. Each one speaks of a character quality we can incorporate into our life as a member of God’s kingdom.
When we look at the Beatitudes as a way Jesus calls us to live as His follower and to serve as a member of God’s Kingdom, it switches from this idea we have to suffer to be blessed. Jesus is teaching us when we choose to let Him be Lord of our life and serve Him to the best of our ability, He empowers us with blessing to overcome the suffering and tribulations we will encounter while we live here on earth. He blesses us with His presence and power we need to conquer the struggles and heartaches this sin-stained world brings.
In this week’s lesson, we looked at Matthew 5: 4. Most translations of this verse are similar to what is written in the New Kings James version.
Blessed are those who mourn, For they shall be comforted.
Matthew 5: 4 NKJV
As widows, we are looking for comfort in our grief. I always interpreted this verse to mean God will be my comforter when I am feeling the pain of loss. It always seemed like it was strange a God who loved me would require me to mourn to get the blessing of comfort. I think this is how many people interpret this. I thought, “God, I’d like to have Your comfort, but I really don’t like being in a position where my heart is broken and I’m so sad.”
First, we can look at what comfort is. The Bible has many references to comfort. When the Apostle Paul wrote his second letter to the church at Corinth he talked about God being our source of tender mercy and comfort.
All praises belong to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. For He is the Father of tender mercy and the God of endless comfort. He always comes alongside us to comfort us in every suffering so we can come alongside those who are in any painful trial. We can bring them this same comfort God poured out upon us. And just as we experience the abundance of Christ’s own sufferings, even more of God’s comfort will cascade upon us through our union with Christ. If troubles weigh us down, that just means we will receive even more comfort to pass on to you for your deliverance! For the comfort pouring into us empowers us to bring comfort to you. And with this comfort upholding you, you can endure victoriously the same suffering we experience. Now our hope for you is unshakable, because we know just as you share in our sufferings you will also share in God’s comforting strength.
2 Corinthians 1: 3-7 TPT
It’s wonderful how God pours His comfort into us because of our union with His Son Jesus. Like the peace of God that passes all understanding, God pours supernatural comfort and tender mercy into our innermost being, bringing peace to us when we need it so badly. He loves us so fervently He longs to soothe our sorrows and suffering. Then we see how God leads us to then comfort and care for the people around us who are going through the same type of pain. It not only builds our hope and endurance, we are graced to share the comfort of God to help ease other people’s pain. This act of kindness becomes another blessing for us.
Let’s look at Mathew 5: 4 in The Passion Translation. When I read it this way, it let me know there was a lot more to what Jesus was teaching than my limited understanding.
“What delight comes to you when you wait upon the Lord! For you will find what you long for.
Matthew 5: 4 TPT
In our study and discussion, we learned the Beatitudes highlight characteristics of Jesus. Jesus is shaping us into the person God created us to be. We already have these blessings as a result of our giving our lives over to Jesus. We can receive the blessings, trusting God to use them to help us heal and fulfill the plans He has for us. There is a special point to each Beatitude. When we examine what Jesus is teaching and take it to heart, it can begin to change our head, heart, and life.
The basic principle expressed in Matthew 5: 4 is to remember when we mourn God immediately comes to us to comfort our heart. We accept His comfort and are then motivated to comfort others when they are going through a similar situation because we understand on a deeper level because of our personal experience. This experience changes how we think about it because now we know God will meet us in our sorrow with His comfort and kindness. Our heart opens to a new freedom to feel the pain we are in without shame. This leads to a life change we can adopt. Now we know whenever we are faced with grief, we can go directly to our loving Father and He will always be there to comfort us. We are free to feel the emotions that come with the pain of loss and not let those emotions control us. We have a covenant relationship with our God and Father that guarantees us He is going to see us through this. We are strengthened and equipped with a better understanding of this dimension of God’s love so we can now give comfort and encouragement to people we love and care about when we see them being faced with the grief that comes from a significant loss.
This is further validated when we study this week’s verse by looking at the context and the original languages that were translated for us. The first sentence in The Passion Translation version is translated from the Hebrew. The Greek means to “mourn” or “grieve.” The Hebrew is almost identical for both “wait” and “mourn.” The second sentence is translated from the Aramaic word for comfort, nethbayoon, meaning to see the face of what or who you long for. The Greek means they shall be comforted.
This validates so beautifully what we were learning. I never would have thought mourn and wait could be translated from the same word. It helps us merge those cultural differences that would have been interpreted in a different light at the time it was written than how we might think when we read it now. This tells me the secret to finding the comfort we need is in turning to God and giving our pain over to Him. When we wait on Him and trust Him, He is going to delight our hearts with His supernatural comfort, and we find the solace we are looking for. What a wonderful gift from the loving heart of our Heavenly Father.
The Passion Translation ties this verse to Psalm 27: 14. It is pointing us to the One who can help us no matter what situation we find ourselves in. We know sometimes things don’t happen in our timetable. When we are hurting it can be especially difficult to handle.
Here’s what I’ve learned through it all: Don’t give up; don’t be impatient; be entwined as one with the Lord. Be brave and courageous, and never lose hope. Yes, keep on waiting—for He will never disappoint you!
Psalm 27: 14 TPT
Real and life changing comfort is God’s gift for all His children. He sees us in our weakness and understands our pain. Place your pain and grief in His hands and receive His loving comfort in return. Don’t hide or bury your grief. That only leads to anger and more problems. God lets us feel that pain and express it to Him as we hand it over for healing. His love moves us from grief and sadness to hope. It is good for us to mourn so we can heal. When we are then able let go of the grief, we realize it comes from the brokenness of this world. It fills us with compassion to others and brings comfort.
I have a prayer I like to say when I am struggling. Perhaps it will help you as well. It acknowledges who God is to me and that He lives in me. It reminds me of the promises God gives me and redirects my thinking to align with those promises. It is relevant to not only when grief is striking out with it’s misery, it can be used for any difficult situation you might face.
The Spirit of the Creator, my Redeemer God, lives within me. This circumstance that would otherwise destroy me is subject to the power of Christ within me. I am not backed into a corner; I’m a victor. I’m more than a conqueror in Christ. The Spirit of the Lord is in me, and it’s impossible for anything to hold Jesus back. I align my heart with heaven and experience victory over chaos through the power of Jesus’ name. Amen.
Lord, never forget the promises You made to me, for they are my hope and confidence. In all of my affliction I find great comfort in Your promises, for they kept me alive!
Psalm 119: 49-50 TPT
It comes down to embracing a new understanding of how much God loves us. He not only created us to be in relationship with Him, He goes to great measures to bless us with the gifts and graces we need to succeed in fulfilling all the plans and purposes He created us to do. May you experience a new level of comfort today as you consider this blessing God gives us specifically for when we are dealing with a deep and personal loss. He tells us it’s okay for us to feel what we are feeling. He understands those feelings. He also wants us to know He is right here for us to wrap us in His love and comfort as we go through this.
We are not alone. That’s huge! We have our Creator God with us turning that hurt, confusion, and chaos we may be feeling into a more stable situation. He is transforming us to be able to break the overwhelming feelings into more manageable parts we can handle one at a time. As we conquer and overcome the smaller pieces, we gain more and more confidence to keep pressing forward.
Precious Father, please help us today to turn all our cares, dreams, hopes, and pain over to You. Continue to teach us to trust You, stand strong in our trust, and praise You and thank You as we patiently wait. Your love for us is unending. You know the end from the beginning. You promised to make all things work together for our good because we are called according to Your purpose. Thank You for loving us so much. Thank You for all You do for us every single day. We love You and praise You in all things. Blessed is the Lord our God.
About Teri Miner
Teri’s dance with grief actually began over five years before she watched her beloved husband of almost 37 years take his last breath and enter Heaven’s door on October 6, 2019. A terminal degenerative neurological disease steadily and increasingly attacked nearly every major system of his body and transformed him from a vibrant, brilliant, strong and caring man to a bedfast invalid at the end. She was devoted to caring for him and doing her best to make the most of every minute they had left, to love him and pray for a miracle.
She thought she knew what her future held, but she had no idea. Losing him was the first time she experienced a close and personal loss. He was the love of her life. The onslaught of the pandemic with its reign of fear-mongering, forced isolation and separation entering the scene and disrupting or destroying whatever sense of “normal” that remained, just added insult to injury.
Her faith in God is the sustaining force keeping her fighting spirit to find and share hope in a bright future. Her heart’s desire is to walk beside her fellow widows toward a path of promise and healing. She wants to offer encouragement and hope so others can find the strength to take that next breath or next step. She recently started her own blog, https://widowwhispers.blogspot.com/, to share with other widows not only the struggles and hardships of widowhood, but the triumphs. Her hope is found in leaning on the Lord Jesus to enjoy a God inspired future anchored in expectation He will bring us to a fulfilling and meaningful life.