The loss of our husband in our lives is a very difficult thing. Some widows may lose hope in the wake of their husband’s departure from their lives. We did everything together and life was shared in a partnership we cherished. The longer we were together with him, the more entwined our lives became. Our rhythm ran in concert with his. Our lives balanced each other. The scale is now broken.
I find it very interesting when I speak to other widows who describe themselves as always very optimistic and energetic before they lost their husband. So many of us see a radical change in nearly every aspect of our lives now. Some of us no longer feel that drive and energy we once enjoyed. The immense change we experience can lead some to lose hope. Widows who are able to redirect their hope tend to be stronger and find the courage to adjust to their new reality sooner than those who lose hope.
There is a common misconception Christians should meet every hardship and tragedy we might encounter with joy. Sometimes that joy we are supposed to be showing is some form of being happy no matter what. This mindset puts undue pressure and stress not only on widows, but on anyone who experiences a deep and personal loss. Although this misunderstanding is so widely accepted, it is not true.
It is reasonable and acceptable to mourn a loss, even as a Christian or believer in Christ. Jesus showed us this when He wept over the death of His friend Lazarus. He taught us in the Sermon on the Mount that those who mourn will be comforted. Paul teaches us in Romans 12 we should all rejoice with those who rejoice, and mourn with those who mourn. Even the Old Testament tells us there is a time for everything.
For everything there is a season, a time for every activity under heaven.
A time to cry and a time to laugh. A time to grieve and a time to dance.
Ecclesiastes 3: 1,4 NLT
Yes, we mourn in our grief. There’s nothing about mourning that is inconsistent with Christian faith or practice. Timing is important. Experiencing grief and mourning is appropriate when our husband dies. Peace with God happens when we discover, accept and appreciate God’s perfect timing. Despair, rebellion, and moving ahead without God’s guidance can happen when we doubt or resent God’s timing.
The big difference for the believer is we don’t mourn as someone who has no hope. We can feel the hurt and be honest about it. Faith does not require us to pretend we’re happy or okay in this situation. We have hope because we not only know we will see our loved one again in Heaven someday, but we have a promise of God’s comfort in our sorrow. Giving comfort to others in the same situation is a way we can show God’s love to each other. God gives us this love so we can spread it around to others.
All praises belong to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. For He is the Father of tender mercy and the God of endless comfort. He always comes alongside us to comfort us in every suffering so we can come alongside those who are in any painful trial. We can bring them this same comfort God poured out upon us.
2 Corinthians 1: 3-4 TPT
There is no shame in mourning. There is no clock ticking down an appropriate time to get over it. We are not a failure, or failing to believe God when we are sad over the loss of our husband. When we love someone dearly and deeply, we will likely mourn deeply. It hurts when we experienced real love and poured out our love in return and now that person is gone. God created us to be in relationships. Meaningful relationships built on love that encompassed service and sacrifice leave a painful void when that relationship is permanently severed.
Hope is one of the most important love gifts God gives us. His promises are designed to inspire hope in His children. Why is hope important? The dictionary defines hope as the ability to look forward to something with desire and reasonable confidence.
Easton’s Bible Dictionary states hope is one of the three main elements of Christian character. Faith, hope and love as defined in 1 Corinthians 13: 13 are these fundamental characteristics we seek to incorporate in our Christian life.
Hope is an essential and fundamental element of Christian life. It gives us the ability to look at any situation and believe God will come through for us no matter how impossible our situation may appear. This is the essence of hope.
So now wrap your heart tightly around the hope that lives within us, knowing God always keeps His promises!
Hebrews 10: 23 TPT
The Christian life is centered on the glory of hope. Jesus is the object of our hope because He came and paid the price to save us and make it possible for us to live our eternity with God. Because of Jesus, God calls us His holy ones. He receives us as His children… brothers and sisters of Jesus.
I pray the light of God will illuminate the eyes of your imagination, flooding you with light, until you experience the full revelation of the hope of His calling—that is, the wealth of God’s glorious inheritances He finds in us, His holy ones!
Ephesians 1: 18 TPT
Unbelievers don’t have this hope. Jesus Christ is the object of the believer’s hope because the hope of glory will be fulfilled in His second coming. Peter describes it as a living hope, a hope not frail and perishable, but having an enduring life.
Celebrate with praises the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has shown us His extravagant mercy. For His fountain of mercy has given us a new life—we are reborn to experience a living, energetic hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead.
1 Peter 1: 3 TPT
In Romans we read how our hope brings us the joy we seek because our faith brings us into a perfect relationship with our loving Father God.
Our faith guarantees us permanent access into this marvelous kindness that has given us a perfect relationship with God. What incredible joy bursts forth within us as we keep on celebrating our hope of experiencing God’s glory!
Romans 5: 2 TPT
It is my prayer you will be able to find and redirect your hope today. I have been on this journey over four years now. I still find myself needing to lean into the Lord my God when the pain, fear, complications, and uncertainties of widowhood try to derail me. He strengthens me and gives me the courage I need to adjust to each new reality that crosses my path. A good verse to pray when life gets hard is in Psalm 119.
Lord, never forget the promises You made to me, for they are my hope and confidence. In all of my affliction I find great comfort in Your promises, for they kept me alive!
Psalm 119: 49-50 TPT
Peter tells us to always be ready to share why we are different from the world, how we overcome the circumstances and trials others tend to succumb to. Widowhood brings seemingly endless opportunities to give up or give in to frustration and hopelessness. We as Believers know nothing can separate us from God’s great love and grace. We keep pressing forward and stand strong in the midst of chaos because we have this unwavering faith and trust God is going to help us through everything that comes against us. It is the love gift of hope God plants inside us.
But give reverent honor in your hearts to the Anointed One and treat him as the holy Master of your lives. And if anyone asks about the hope living within you, always be ready to explain your faith.
1 Peter 3: 15 TPT
Our hope is because we have a future that is full of promise in spite of our circumstances. God promises to take care of us and give us the future we hope for.
This is God’s Word on the subject: … I know what I’m doing. I have it all planned out—plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for.
Jeremiah 29: 10-11 MSG
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Mark your calendars! Hope For Widows Foundation’s annual virtual Widows of Hope 5K event has returned on Friday, May 10 through Sunday, May 12, 2023. Anyone can join! Whether you are a widow, widower, or a friend/family member showing support or walking in the loss of another family member, everyone is welcome to participate. The proceeds will directly support widows through the annual financial Restoring Hope and Peace Grants, Sunshine Boxes program, and Bring Hope Holiday Assistance Program. Do you have or know a business that would like to sponsor? That’s an option too! To register and frequently asked questions- please go here: https://secure.getmeregistered.com/get_information.php?event_id=139671
About Teri Miner
Teri’s dance with grief actually began over five years before she watched her beloved husband of almost 37 years take his last breath and enter Heaven’s door on October 6, 2019. A terminal degenerative neurological disease steadily and increasingly attacked nearly every major system of his body and transformed him from a vibrant, brilliant, strong and caring man to a bedfast invalid at the end. She was devoted to caring for him and doing her best to make the most of every minute they had left, to love him and pray for a miracle.
She thought she knew what her future held, but she had no idea. Losing him was the first time she experienced a close and personal loss. He was the love of her life. The onslaught of the pandemic with its reign of fear-mongering, forced isolation and separation entering the scene and disrupting or destroying whatever sense of “normal” that remained, just added insult to injury.
Her faith in God is the sustaining force keeping her fighting spirit to find and share hope in a bright future. Her heart’s desire is to walk beside her fellow widows toward a path of promise and healing. She wants to offer encouragement and hope so others can find the strength to take that next breath or next step. She recently started her own blog, https://widowwhispers.blogspot.com/, to share with other widows not only the struggles and hardships of widowhood, but the triumphs. Her hope is found in leaning on the Lord Jesus to enjoy a God inspired future anchored in expectation He will bring us to a fulfilling and meaningful life.