As I watch my children play, I’m reminded of how much they’ve grown and changed over the past few years. Each day, they surprise me with their resilience, their joy, and their ability to find magic in the smallest of things. It’s a bittersweet reminder of the journey we’ve been on since losing their father, a journey that has been fraught with immense pain and unexpected moments of healing.
In the early days, everything felt like a monumental effort. Getting out of bed, making breakfast, even just smiling felt like climbing a mountain. The weight of our loss was compounded by the trauma surrounding his death. My partner, who was once the love of my life and my partner for over a decade, had caused unimaginable harm to our family before he passed. The pain of discovering he had molested our daughter shattered me in ways I never thought possible. His death brought not only grief but a complex mix of anger, betrayal, and relief.
For a long time, the memories of him were tainted by the darkness of his actions. The trauma of his abuse, coupled with his struggles with addiction and his eventual overdose, overshadowed the good times we once shared. I found myself grappling with how to honor his memory while protecting my children and myself from the pain he caused.
Creating Everyday Magic Despite the Pain
One of the ways I’ve learned to cope is by focusing on the small, magical moments that can easily be overlooked. It’s not about erasing the past or pretending it didn’t happen, but about finding joy in the present and creating a future that is bright and filled with love. Here are a few things that have helped us find joy and create magic in our daily lives:
- Spontaneous Dance Parties: Whenever we feel a bit down or just need to burn off some energy, we turn up the music and dance around the living room. It’s amazing how much joy a little bit of silliness can bring.
- Baking Together: There’s something incredibly comforting about the smell of freshly baked cookies. We love experimenting with new recipes, and the kids get a kick out of decorating their creations.
- Nature Walks: Whether it’s a walk around the neighborhood or a hike in a nearby park, being in nature always lifts our spirits. We take our time, look for interesting leaves and rocks, and just enjoy being outside.
- Story Time: We make it a point to have a dedicated story time every evening. Sometimes I read to them, and sometimes they tell me their own made-up stories. It’s a wonderful way to end the day on a positive note.
- Craft Projects: From painting to making homemade cards, we love getting creative. It’s a great way to express ourselves and spend quality time together.
Honoring Our Past While Embracing the Future
Balancing the memory of my partner with the reality of his actions has been one of the most challenging aspects of our journey. We talk about him often, sharing stories that reflect both the good and the bad. We’re creating memory boxes filled with mementos that remind us of happier times, but we also acknowledge the pain he caused and the impact it has had on our lives.
When I tell my kids they remind me of their daddy, I say it with a smile in my eyes and on my face, letting them know that he left all the best pieces of himself behind for me in them. I want them to understand that despite the pain and the trauma, their daddy had good qualities too, qualities that shine through in them. His love for them, his laughter, and the moments of joy we shared are the parts of him that I choose to keep alive in our hearts. This way, they can see that they carry his best traits, and that our story, despite its darkness, also has moments of light and love.
At the same time, I’m committed to creating new traditions and memories that are uniquely ours. My new partner is dedicated to this journey with me, helping to keep the best parts of my late husband’s memory alive while also being committed to creating a new and joyful life for our family. It’s a delicate balance, but one that has helped us heal and find joy again. While his memory brings with it a mix of pain and sorrow, it’s also a reminder of the love that existed and the best parts of him that live on in our children. By honoring both the good and the bad, and with the support of my new partner, we’re finding a way to move forward with hope and strength.
Moving Forward with Hope
Grief is a journey, and it’s one that we navigate together as a family. There are still tough days, but we’ve learned to lean on each other and find strength in our love. By focusing on the little moments of joy and creating our own magic, we’re building a life that’s filled with love, laughter, and hope (cliché as it may sound).
To all the widows out there who are struggling with the complexity of their loss, know that you’re not alone. It’s okay to feel the pain, to miss your loved one, and to have tough days. But it’s also okay to find joy, to create new memories, and to embrace the magic that life still has to offer. We’ll walk this journey together.
About Krystal Casey
Krystal's journey began with the healing power of yoga, which led her to open her own studio. However, her life took a challenging turn when her husband was charged with sexual abuse against a minor and subsequently passed away. Despite the immense grief, Krystal found the strength to persevere for the sake of her five children. Through months of self-care, self-intimacy, and self-empowerment, she discovered a new level of resilience and inner strength.
Now, as a motivational speaker and international best-selling author, Krystal is on a mission to help other moms and widows find hope and healing. She is dedicated to speaking out against generational trauma, abuse, and adversity, offering a voice of empowerment and change.
If you are a widow or mom struggling to find hope and strength, Krystal Casey is here to support you. Connect with her through krystalcasey.com for resources, inspiration, and guidance on your journey to healing and empowerment. Remember, you are not alone, and there is hope for a brighter tomorrow.