Father’s Day has passed for another year.
This one and Mother’s Day can be tough dates for the widow/er community.
In my mere six-plus years in this sad little club, I have noticed the sentiments for Father’s Day in particular go from somber to more resentful.
This Father’s Day, my Facebook feed was full of snipey memes stating how Father’s Day is the day when “single mothers just try to make it about themselves.”
Just one vicious little example:
Although I personally didn’t see the same thing during Mother’s Day, perhaps the same contempt was issued toward Fathers on that day as well.
I hope not…
That’s a pretty crappy thing to infer.
I don’t know any widowed parent who thinks that inheriting a greeting card holiday in any way makes up for losing their spouse.
When I have gotten a Father’s Day greeting as I am a fully single parent doing both jobs, I thank the individual who is giving the salutation, but inside, I feel that this accolade isn’t truly for me.
I am not my daughter’s father.
True, her father has ceased to exist in this realm and I was left to pick up the pieces.
But I am not her father.
Just as her father would not be her mother, should I have been the one to leave this life.
And again, I truly appreciate the regards on that difficult little day.
But that doesn’t make me a Father.
So, it just adds insult to injury when social media demonstrates just how much single mothers are despised on Father’s Day, simply because someone was being kind enough to acknowledge that a mother is filling both roles.
(And of course if single fathers are catching the same kind of flak, it’s equally as disgusting.)
I wanted to scream every time I saw one of those memes come down my newsfeed because you know what? I never wanted their holiday.
I don’t need their day to feel special.
I’ll happily acknowledge my own day, even though that’s bittersweet as well. (My first Mother’s Day as a widow hit harder than any other date that had passed. I don’t know why, it just did.)
On Father’s Day, I am fortunate enough to still have my own father, to celebrate with, so that’s where I choose to place my focus.
But I fully understand why companies like Etsy offer those on their email lists to opt out of Father’s Day & Mother’s Day emails – these days can just be too much sometimes.
So why make them harder with such bitterness? Such negativity?
Why should someone like me bear the brunt of someone’s anger simply because I am raising my daughter alone because her dad died?
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again – I never wanted your holiday, Gentlemen.
There isn’t a widow alive who wants both holidays to themselves.
This world would be a better place if we could all just be a little kinder to one another…
Photo generated via Bing AI
About Layla Beth Munk
Layla Beth Munk is a blogger & author who was thrust into this widowhood journey abruptly and tragically on February 11, 2018. Her husband of 12 years had ended his pain once and for all. She soon made the decision that she would not let his final decision define the rest of her life or their daughter’s life, so with her sense of humor at the helm, she started writing about her newfound station in life. Grief waves still get to her, and probably always will, but with the help of her fellow widows as well as friends and family, she has been able to realize her dream of becoming a published author! Layla is so grateful to Hope For Widows Foundation for providing this level of support to her, and so many others! Layla has two amazing children, one who is grown and one who is almost grown. She lives in eastern Oregon and has a wellness & beauty background. Layla enjoys writing poetry, watching anime, and homeschooling her daughter.
Her blog can be found at laylabethmunk.medium.com and her debut novella, 24 Hours in Vegas, is available on Amazon.