God is clear in the Bible we can expect challenges. Endurance is not giving up. It is choosing to continue moving no matter the hardships. How many of us once thought grief was a temporary condition? Who among us once believed we would go through some simple steps and then move on in our life like before? Little did we know it could be so much more complicated.
Transitioning through the impacts of such a significant loss and becoming a widow is a process. Successfully negotiating the journey begins with endurance and eventually embracing perseverance. To achieve success along the way, God encourages us to lean on Him and allow Him to guide us as we navigate each new step. This relieves us of the added pressures, equips us with much needed strength, and removes the added sting of loneliness because it’s not just our problem… we release it to His capable hands. We still have our part to do, and it isn’t necessarily easy, but our faith provides a strong foundation to work from.
My fellow believers, when it seems as though you are facing nothing but difficulties, see it as an invaluable opportunity to experience the greatest joy you can! For you know when your faith is tested it stirs up in you the power of endurance. And then as your endurance grows even stronger, it will release perfection into every part of your being until there is nothing missing and nothing lacking.
James 1: 2-4 TPT
Widowhood is an endurance test. This is especially true in the early weeks and months. We need to keep pushing forward. We push through fear. We push through the pain in our heart. We push through confusion. We push through chaos. We push through all the changes we face as our world turns upside down. We push even when we don’t think we possibly can.
Endurance comes when we really feel like giving up, but we don’t give in to those feelings. The hardships and pain widows face after their husband moves to Heaven can be relentless. It takes a measure of resilience to sustain our focus and sometimes claw our way through the pain even moment by moment. The endurance challenge is fought on numerous levels from physical and mental, to emotional and spiritual.
Physically we keep going. We don’t stop. Numbness takes over initially to put a shield of protection of sorts on us in the form of some level of shock. As the shock slowly lifts, some widows find things to fill their time and keep them busy so they can avoid facing some of the pain. Most widows will say the worse time is at night when they are alone, and everything gets quiet because they don’t have those distractions of life to help keep the grief and pain at bay. Endurance is much harder at these times.
Mental endurance is impacted as well. Suffering like a widow goes through will affect our mind. This can be quite significant depending on the level of trauma a widow may go through in her loss. There are also endless decisions to be made, papers to file, and all the responsibilities of the house and the kids that are now on her alone. Many studies show there is a dramatic decrease in mental health and life satisfaction after the loss of your husband. Much of this is attributed to changes in detailed family ties and social networks. A key reason behind most widows’ reduced well-being is increased time spent alone.
This fallen world leaves none of us immune to grief’s agony. Emotional resilience is required to simply endure the grief process. The complicated and intense grief most widows suffer comes from losing the one person who impacted and enhanced her life the most. This intimate relationship touched every aspect of our life. It was a key component of our very identity and how we interacted with pretty much every other person we knew. Our emotions are triggered and stirred through all these complex and changing connections.
Perhaps the most significant type of endurance is spiritual. I couldn’t survive widowhood without my faith in God. Faith is the very fuel of the Christians life. Faith is trusting in God’s promises and character, based on His revelation in the Bible. Faith is trusting God’s existence, rewards and promises in the face of trials and adversity. The greatest adversity I’ve faced has been in the months and years I have been a widow.
Now faith brings our hopes into reality and becomes the foundation needed to acquire the things we long for. It is all the evidence required to prove what is still unseen. This testimony of faith is what previous generations were commended for. Faith empowers us to see the universe was created and beautifully coordinated by the power of God’s words! He spoke and the invisible realm gave birth to all that is seen.
Hebrews 11: 1-3 TPT
My faith gives me a basis to hope. It provides a foundation I can stand on when it seems like nothing in my world makes sense. It takes my eyes off my frailty, ignorance, and ineptness and tells me to focus on my sovereign and loving Father God. He not only knows exactly what I need and what to do, He is eagerly standing by to fill these needs if I just trust and let Him.
We don’t want to go through life simply enduring. It’s not reasonable or sustainable. For all the good there is in endurance, it is a steppingstone through transition. When the trials and challenges of life inevitably come, God calls us to both endure and persevere through them.
Our faith in Jesus transfers God’s righteousness to us and He now declares us flawless in His eyes. This means we can now enjoy true and lasting peace with God, all because of what our Lord Jesus, the Anointed One, has done for us. Our faith guarantees us permanent access into this marvelous kindness that has given us a perfect relationship with God. What incredible joy bursts forth within us as we keep on celebrating our hope of experiencing God’s glory!
But that’s not all! Even in times of trouble we have a joyful confidence, knowing our pressures will develop in us patient endurance. And patient endurance will refine our character, and proven character leads us back to hope. And this hope is not a disappointing fantasy, because we can now experience the endless love of God cascading into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who lives in us!
Romans 5: 1-5 TPT
Enduring, being resilient, faithful and patient through the trials widows face is tough enough, but it can’t finish here. Paul is teaching us in Romans we can reach the reward of the hope we need if we choose to use our will and put in the effort to persevere. Perseverance is the hard work of taking active steps of faith in the middle of challenges. Perseverance is taking charge in response to hardship.
Suffering will cause us to either cave in to the pressures and pain or it will ignite a passionate strength to overcome and build in us a character we can be proud of and God will bless. The New International Version describes it this way:
Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope.
Romans 5: 3-4 NIV
To “glory in our sufferings” is to embrace the challenge and see it from a higher perspective. It is activating our faith by believing God is bigger than the pain and suffering and trusting Him to help us navigate each challenge effectively. As we persevere, our character is shaped by God’s hand, and we grow in our intimacy with God. Hope is nurtured and springs forth to be that beacon of light we need to continue on.
Perseverance moves us from merely feeling better and making it one more step… to creating permanent change that improves our very character. This new character clearly identifies the direct connection between our trials and our hope. Our hope is built on our desire to continually change to be more and more like Jesus.
Perseverance looks and works differently from endurance physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. To keep going as in endurance, versus putting in the work that is needed to persevere can be described by comparing them using running a marathon. Both terms express helpful motivators of a physical challenge, but they have different implications. Physical perseverance requires advance training that progressively transitions through more difficult workouts to build muscles, strength, and fortitude. Endurance, on the other hand, is determination to keep moving by putting one foot in front of the other. With this analogy, the person just enduring is more likely to hit a limit of ability much sooner than someone who prepared for the long haul.
Similarly, mental perseverance requires habit. It uses continual, repeated practice over long periods of time to harness mental courage by creating the growth of new neural pathways. This is done by helping someone learn new ways to mentally respond to their particular challenges. If their natural response to a certain trigger is unhealthy, a new way is suggested and tried. Over time, with repetition, this new, healthier response, creates new intellectual reactions that become natural in the face of the trigger. This is mental perseverance in action.
One key to building emotional perseverance is to embrace the benefits of engaging in lament. Practicing lament allows us to sense God acknowledging our deepest places of alienation, innermost places of loss, and our most intense pain. We need to be able to put this into words and let it out of our heart, even if the only person who will listen is our loving Father God. A lament is a prayer expressing our sorrow, pain, or confusion. We can process grief in God’s presence through lament. In Psalms and the Book of Lamentations in the Bible we can find examples of lament to use or adapt as our own. Verbalizing our laments can help us come to experience God’s love even deeper than we might expect because we find the freedom to vocalize our most vulnerable thoughts and feelings without fear.
While we might need to come back to laments from time to time as life throws new occasions when grief takes center stage again, perseverance allows us to eventually grow enough we no longer need to focus on this on a regular basis. We continue to persevere emotionally by learning we can safely share any and all our emotions. We may want or need to let God help us reign in anger, control our fear about certain situations, or work through feelings of guilt. We are all emotional people to some level. Some of our emotions may get in the way of our relationship with God or with others. As we continue to put the work in and grow in our intimacy with God, our emotions will stabilize, and we can experience peace.
Spiritual perseverance takes us from standing on faith and using it like a life support vest so we don’t drown in our sorrow and grief, to a place where we allow God to literally change who we are, our very character. We grow and mature as we learn to trust God and realize He is very gentle and caring in our vulnerability. We learn to listen to His voice and follow His directions. We take those steps He prompts us to take even when we are afraid. Each time we say yes to Him and do what He tells us, we have more proof of His awesome faithfulness to love us and see us through, especially if we couldn’t see it before we took that step. Our trust grows more steadfast and increases our faith.
Do not yield to fear, for I am always near. Never turn your gaze from Me, for I am your faithful God. I will infuse you with My strength and help you in every situation. I will hold you firmly with My victorious right hand.
Isaiah 41: 10 TPT
Perhaps you are still in endurance mode. That’s ok. At least you are continuing to put one foot in front of the other. That’s important because you are moving. I encourage you to consider stepping into perseverance. I believe it takes a relationship with God to make this crucial step. He will empower you. You only need to want it and ask for it and He will gladly step in to give you the guidance and strength to take that step.
Father, please give each widow who reads this Your unwavering care as You guide us through our widowhood journey. Draw our hearts to Yours. Teach us to surrender our pain and insecurity and learn to trust You and hear Your voice. Please bless us and draw us ever closer to You. Restore our joy from the turmoil. Work all this out for our good. Please help us live daily with hope in You. Amen.
Your glorious throne rests on a foundation of righteousness and just verdicts. Grace and truth are the attendants who go before you. O Lord, how blessed are the people who know the triumphant shout, for they walk in the radiance of Your presence. We can do nothing but leap for joy all day long, for we know who You are and what You do, and You’ve exalted us on high. The glory of Your splendor is our strength, and Your marvelous favor makes us even stronger, lifting us even higher! You are our King, the holiest one of all; Your wraparound presence is our protection.
Psalm 89: 14-18 TPT
About Teri Miner
Teri’s dance with grief actually began over five years before she watched her beloved husband of almost 37 years take his last breath and enter Heaven’s door on October 6, 2019. A terminal degenerative neurological disease steadily and increasingly attacked nearly every major system of his body and transformed him from a vibrant, brilliant, strong and caring man to a bedfast invalid at the end. She was devoted to caring for him and doing her best to make the most of every minute they had left, to love him and pray for a miracle.
She thought she knew what her future held, but she had no idea. Losing him was the first time she experienced a close and personal loss. He was the love of her life. The onslaught of the pandemic with its reign of fear-mongering, forced isolation and separation entering the scene and disrupting or destroying whatever sense of “normal” that remained, just added insult to injury.
Her faith in God is the sustaining force keeping her fighting spirit to find and share hope in a bright future. Her heart’s desire is to walk beside her fellow widows toward a path of promise and healing. She wants to offer encouragement and hope so others can find the strength to take that next breath or next step. She recently started her own blog, https://widowwhispers.blogspot.com/, to share with other widows not only the struggles and hardships of widowhood, but the triumphs. Her hope is found in leaning on the Lord Jesus to enjoy a God inspired future anchored in expectation He will bring us to a fulfilling and meaningful life.