This week will mark thirteen years since I lost my husband to a rare form of cancer. I get asked all the time by people who have just lost their spouse, “When does the pain go away?” The only thing I can say in response to that question, unfortunately, is that it gets better, but it never truly goes away.
I cannot remember now where I heard it, but one person compared grief to being seriously injured. You may survive, but you will never be the same, and you will likely carry scars from that injury for the rest of your life. I remember thinking that is a perfect analogy for losing your spouse.
I will never be the person I was before cancer visited our home. As I have grieved my husband, I have had to grieve the loss of that life as well. Thirteen years later, guiding my kids through high school, getting a bachelor’s and master’s degree, and all the life events in between, I still miss my husband; I miss him taking care of me and encouraging me in everything I did. I miss his beautiful singing voice and the laughter we shared. Those memories are not just sources of pain for me now, but they are also ways I keep his memory alive.
Being a widow is the hardest thing I have ever had to go through, and I would not wish these experiences on anyone. That being said, let me tell you what a friend told me the week before my husband was diagnosed: “Remember, You are enough.” At the time, I did not appreciate the meaning of those words, but after walking through cancer and all the things that followed, I have come to cherish those words and keep them in my heart.
I am not perfect. My finances are a mess, and I have made a million mistakes on this journey, but thanks to that kind friend’s reminder, in the middle of the everyday stress of being a single Mom, I remember those words and remind myself that I am enough, and so are you.
About Cindy Schriver
In 2011, Cindy lost her husband of 16 years to a rare form of cancer after a
long and hard-fought battle. Left behind in the whirlwind of grief with three
adolescent children, Cindy had to learn to find herself again and how to
help herself and her children through the journey of grief. Knowing she had
to become the sole provider for her family, Cindy returned to college at 38,
earning a bachelor’s degree in Communications and a master’s degree in
Adult Education. Cindy is currently pursuing her Doctorate and is constantly
looking for new experiences.
Came across this now, thank you! As a recent widow, I lost my husband unexpectedly and it’s my son, daughter, and me now. Thank you for the encouragement.
I am sorry for your loss. This group has some great folks who know what you are going through. HUGS to you and your children