In my writing course this week, we studied a poem by a poet named Li-Young Li. It was about devouring peaches and “taking what we love inside.” When the instructor recited a line from the poem – There are days we live / as if death were nowhere / in the background; from joy / to joy to joy – I immediately thought of Rick and how I never thought it possible to feel joy again after his death. But I do now. Even though he’s been gone for years, it still amazes me that I can feel joy, happiness, and even hope, because those emotions were eclipsed by grief and sorrow for so long.
But I know part of the reason I have a full life now is because so much of his enthusiasm for life still lives inside me. He is not gone. He is here, within me, because as the poem said, “we take what we love inside.” He will be a part of me forever, and he will live through me. Here’s the poem I wrote in response to the lesson’s writing prompt.
REMNANTS
There are days we live
as if death were nowhere
– Li-Young Li
I devoured you – heart and soul, mind and spirit
Took in every morsel,
Each savory bit of your essence
Because we take what we love inside
The funny thing about death is
That those remnants of you are still there
They survive, like a blossom of hope
An impossible dream –
That our love remains alive
And you exist through me
Those are days when I live
As if death were nowhere, and you are here
I wondered, for years,
If I’d ever feel jubilance again
Until your adventurous spirit urged me
To spread my wings and fly
Katherine Billings Palmer
Beautiful poem. Thank you
My name is Judy and my husband left Jan 17, 2006 at 11:17 pm. A short 3 months between diagnosis and that night but that time was full of a very tumultuous ride. It was cancer that ran over him like a piece of heavy equipment. Shortly, that is weeks after, my two adult daughters turned away from me, I lost my home and my job and my car and was left with Social Security only. Having worked most of my life I attempted to find a job but was too emotional and didn’t last more that a week or two. I was many things during our marriage as he was also but basically we were a Marine family until he retired. Shortly afterward the girls were gone to college or marriage and we went to Bible College together and came out as licensed Pastors and were such until just before his diagnosis. I seemed to have no where to go except up. My numbness and fog lasted approximately 7 years. It’s now been 19 years and I must say, truly that I am a much better as a person, my life is more fulfilled even though I love him more today than ever and ever so thankful to have been married to him for nearly 43 years. I am embarking on building a small widow survivors group in my church and looking for resources and encouragement along the way.