Your birthday was 3 days ago. You’d be 42 years old now. Instead, you’re forever 40.

September is National Suicide Prevention and Awareness Month. I know I talked about it last year. But I am reiterating my point because I think it deserves to be said. This month is so important. And, I get resentful of the lack of representation of psychosis with suicide. People will say they hope you stay, reach out for help, talk to someone, see a therapist, take medication, check in daily, avoid triggers (which is not always easy when the triggers are people). And fact, do all those things. However, what if you are doing ALL those things and a voice during a psychotic episode tells you to end your life? Where is the talk about that? People are so scared to talk about psychosis, yet many people experience psychotic episodes every year, even outside of a mental health diagnosis.

You did all those things. Everyday. You wanted to see 42 and 52 and 92. Psychosis had other plans. I’m not ready yet to be that voice in this important awareness month. But I will be someday. Because it’s so important that we know there is so much more to suicide prevention than putting it on the person that is struggling. Society needs to change the conversation. You deserve that as your legacy.

Happy Birthday, Jonathan, my love.

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Cassie Dockter-Reeves

Cassie Dockter-Reeves struggled to write this bio. Who is she now that her husband died? Sometimes she doesn’t know anymore. She is the mother of sweet Everest, her (currently) 15 month old. She is the Mutti to kind Jude, her almost 9-year-old stepson. She is the little sister to 2 awesome older sisters and 2 brother-in-laws. She is the aunt to 2 wonderful nephews and 1 amazing niece. She is the daughter to 2 loving parents who they are lucky to still have. She is the friend that is like family to several. But her favorite thing was being loved by Jonathan, she was most proud of (along with the role of mother) being his wife. His loving her helped her love herself. She doesn’t really know who who she is anymore as she has changed so much since her husband’s death, and it’s too fresh to know, it’s only been 4 months. Cassie works a full-time remote job as a workforce management analyst. She loves photography and whales and the ocean and the mountains and has recently found the love of reading again. She has the most anxious dog who started her life as a stray and is a mutt (11 breeds in all, yes, she DNA tested her), named Livie after Olivia Benson on Law & Order SVU, because her husband knew her love of that character. They were together 6 years; were a family of 3 with his son Jude for 5 years; a family of 4 eight months after that when we adopted our dog; married in Cannon Beach, OR on July 26, 2021 (yes, because of The Goonies - Jonathan’s ring is engraved with GNSD - Goonies Never Say Die); and became a family of 5 with the unexpected early birth of their son, Everest, on March 24, 2023, who moved mountains to be here after infertility and a high risk pregnancy. She is a newly single mom, and it’s challenging and rewarding and exhilarating and exhausting. She wasn’t supposed to do this alone. Her husband died from his bipolar disorder with psychosis at the age of 40 on February 29, 2024. And they are slowly learning to live again as a (smaller) family. You can find her photography at: https://www.instagram.com/photographybycasandradockter?igsh=bGN1a3k4NzRhNTVr&utm_source=qr

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