It’s not that I enjoy making people uncomfortable
but I can’t stop saying your name.
To people around me, outside of the bubble,
you were a nothing that became a something
and are now a nothing again.
To me, you are everything.
The sun in the sky.
The leaf floating in the wind.
The smile on a child’s face.
You were and still are, everything to me.
Hearing your name come out of my mouth
brings me comfort.
For other’s it is a cracked eggshell under their foot,
a cue to change the subject.
What is so wrong with keeping your name alive?
What is so wrong with remembering the happiest moments of my life?
What is so wrong with continuing to love you?
I am asked if I am okay,
all they want to hear is yes and move on.
They never wanted to truly know in the first place.
It would involve me saying your name.
It would involve me staring away deeply,
disassociating from the cruel reality.
It would involve me being honest
vulnerable
bare bones
A beautiful soul gone too soon.
To others, he left October 4th, 2024.
To me, he leaves every single day.
Every day I wake up
and come to the realization that he isn’t beside me.
Every day I come home from work
and he isn’t at the door waving frantically with a huge smile.
Every day I make a meal
and it’s only for one.
Yet, every time I say his name
it is as if he is right there beside me still.
As if his spirit is smiling at me
with that toothy wide grin
I treasured so much.
Every time I say his name,
I can keep him alive just a little longer.
José Francisco Ovando Anguiano
Paco
Mi bebé
About Shanna Puckett-Anguiano
Shanna Puckett-Anguiano lost her husband after just four short months of marriage on October 1st, 2024. Shanna and Paco Anguiano were in a long-distance relationship for nearly four years prior to their marriage, as Paco was from Chiapas, Mexico. Shanna and Paco did not let the stigmas and hardships of the K1 visa come between their strong bonds. Anyone who truly knew this couple would quickly correct anyone’s doubt, with even Shanna’s father expressing his thoughts at Paco’s funeral saying, “every father’s wish is for their daughter is to find a man who loves them unconditionally, and that is exactly the man Paco was.” Paco was diagnosed with synovial sarcoma on September 20th, 2024, which coincidentally was also Shanna’s 30th birthday. Paco lost his life unexpectedly to that cancer 11 days later, a week before treatment was scheduled to begin.
Shanna continues to reside in her small hometown, located in the upstate of South Carolina. She is accompanied at home by her two dogs (Indi & Suki) and two cats (Es & Sister). Shanna has been a court reporter for the past 5 years and serves as chairperson of children’s ministry at her home church. She is currently in the process of obtaining additional certifications to continue moving up in her career. Shanna has developed a donation drive in her husband’s name in celebration of his birthday in the month of July called Paco’s Smile. This drive collects material and monetary donations for her local county cancer association. Shanna is an advocate for mental health, cancer awareness, and over all kindness being spread throughout the world. She prays to carry on the legacy of her husband, Jose Francisco Ovando Anguiano, by showing grace, gratitude, and a toothy grin just as he did every day.