I’ll be honest, I’m struggling with writing this blog. And not because the words aren’t there to be said, and not because I don’t want to be part of this amazing community. But because it is so hard being a solo mama.

Last month, I just straight up forgot about it. My child has some health things going on (will have tonsils removed soon) and behavior things (started play therapy for grief), and then there’s the holidays to plan for, and I just don’t know when to find the time for myself, let alone write these words.

This blog has helped me find connection and it has helped some others feel less alone, which was honestly my whole goal in writing. But the commitment of a schedule is so hard, and I feel like I’m letting down this amazing community when I forget. And they don’t make me feel that way; I make myself feel that way when I don’t have time.

So with that said, I’m stepping away from this. I hope someday if I have more time, they will welcome me back, because as we all know, this grief will last our whole lifetime. There are no stages. There is no moving on. There is just grief where the love was, and with a love so big, the grief can only be as big as that love. It doesn’t leave us, we just grow around it.

Thank you for reading my posts. I hope you never are in a place of needing the support they may give.

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Cassie Dockter-Reeves

Cassie Dockter-Reeves struggled to write this bio. Who is she now that her husband died? Sometimes she doesn’t know anymore. She is the mother of sweet Everest, her (currently) 15 month old. She is the Mutti to kind Jude, her almost 9-year-old stepson. She is the little sister to 2 awesome older sisters and 2 brother-in-laws. She is the aunt to 2 wonderful nephews and 1 amazing niece. She is the daughter to 2 loving parents who they are lucky to still have. She is the friend that is like family to several. But her favorite thing was being loved by Jonathan, she was most proud of (along with the role of mother) being his wife. His loving her helped her love herself. She doesn’t really know who who she is anymore as she has changed so much since her husband’s death, and it’s too fresh to know, it’s only been 4 months. Cassie works a full-time remote job as a workforce management analyst. She loves photography and whales and the ocean and the mountains and has recently found the love of reading again. She has the most anxious dog who started her life as a stray and is a mutt (11 breeds in all, yes, she DNA tested her), named Livie after Olivia Benson on Law & Order SVU, because her husband knew her love of that character. They were together 6 years; were a family of 3 with his son Jude for 5 years; a family of 4 eight months after that when we adopted our dog; married in Cannon Beach, OR on July 26, 2021 (yes, because of The Goonies - Jonathan’s ring is engraved with GNSD - Goonies Never Say Die); and became a family of 5 with the unexpected early birth of their son, Everest, on March 24, 2023, who moved mountains to be here after infertility and a high risk pregnancy. She is a newly single mom, and it’s challenging and rewarding and exhilarating and exhausting. She wasn’t supposed to do this alone. Her husband died from his bipolar disorder with psychosis at the age of 40 on February 29, 2024. And they are slowly learning to live again as a (smaller) family. You can find her photography at: https://www.instagram.com/photographybycasandradockter?igsh=bGN1a3k4NzRhNTVr&utm_source=qr

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