It IS possible to be both teary and cheery this Christmas season. You aren’t being disloyal to your husband to experience sincere enjoyment this time of year, and likewise, you aren’t a Grinch or a Scrooge if your heart is a little broken this holiday season, or a lot broken. Your grief can and should be allowed to coexist just fine with your gratitude. And let’s be frank, a Christmas without some measure of grief might as well be impossible. Everything about this time of year oozes of love, tradition, romance, cherished memories, hope, harmony and faith. My husband was woven into every single part of these things. The warm comfort of sweet Christmases past is mixed with a hollow kind of pain that feels incredibly lonely and achy. It is the sorrow that comes with knowing life and Christmas will never be the same again.
My husband passed in the month of October, thus my first Christmas without him was just 2 months later. While visiting loved ones, one in particular suggested coloring. It seemed like an attempt to help with grief so there I sat, politely coloring away at a picture of a stocking. Humoring people and their attempts to distract or keep you busy when on the inside you are drowning in sorrow seems like an everyday event when you are a widow. While coloring I was asked what would be in my stocking this year? A painful question considering my husband and I used to stuff each other’s stocking. We also decorated each other’s as well and used the same special stockings each year. This year I was well aware that he wouldn’t be doing any stocking stuffing for me or our children. I responded “tears.” It was the only stocking ingredient I knew I could count on that Christmas. I realize this person meant no harm in asking, but it was the next comment that has always stayed with me. A scoldingly toned response telling me that I have things to be thankful for. As if it was assumed that I wasn’t thankful for anything or that I wasn’t allowed to have tears at Christmas. Truly, this person couldn’t have been more wrong, and I have never forgotten the words, the tone or the lack of understanding.
For me Christmas is a lonely time, but also a hopeful time. For had it not been for a sweet little baby born to save the world, there wouldn’t be a heaven where a reunion with my sweet husband would be possible. That is the greatest comfort of all to me this holiday season.
In Hope & Prayers,
From This Widow Mama
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About Dorothy Swanson
Dorothy lost her beloved husband Oct 2021 to a very unexpected bacterial pneumonia that quickly became septic shock. Her other half and best friend was born with a serious congenital heart defect. Because of that, she had always feared the possibility of being a widow, but she thought it would be more likely due to his heart, and more likely when her husband was in his 50s after the children were grown. Instead, he graduated to heaven just one week before turning 34. Dorothy was 36 with young sons ages 5 and 16 months who adored their Daddy. In less than 48 hours, the life Dorothy and her beloved husband so carefully built together shattered. They were blessed to share just over 8 wonderful, joyous and fun years of marriage. While her heart is so thankful to God for having had their journey together, she has struggled since his death with feeling hurt and let down by God. She has felt so devastated that their love story was short and ended so abruptly. Join her as she shares her unfolding journey of grasping to faith in Christ as she journeys through love, loss, single parenthood, honoring her husband's legacy and guiding her sons through their grief and life without Daddy.
My husband died in his sleep Thanksgiving morning 2023. I HATE Thanksgiving!! My college age children, my family, my friends do not understand that I do not want to celebrate this day. I am not thankful for this day. Somehow I was conned this year and everyone was at my house and they were mad bc I was in a bad mood. Oh well, yall knew I do not like this holiday. It has been 2 years and this year has been worse than the first year! If they only knew how it felt to wake up to your person dead beside you and then you have to go on with your life all by yourself. I sent our youngest off to college and now I can say I am all alone, a real life empty nester. I lost my 16 year old son in 2001 in tragic car accident and then my husband in 2003. If I hear God can only give you as much as you can handle or you are so strong I will lose my mind!
Hi Tracey. Thank you for sharing your story. I am so incredibly sorry for the loss you experienced of your son in such a sudden tragic way and of your husband just two years later so suddenly. You are so right that so many people and loved ones just don’t understand how awful it feels. The second year being worse than the first is very common. I pray 2026 can bring at least a little comfort and healing your way.