It wasn’t by choice for many of us women to live solo. The love of our life left this earth while we expected, believed or hoped to have many more years together. We miss our husband and the life that we that loved living with him. At some point it becomes necessary for our emotional, physical, mental, and spiritual health to move forward (which, by the way, is quite different from moving “on”) and to “live” life again in our own way and our own timeline. It takes time (many months or years) for our brain to process the trauma of the journey we have been thrust upon. Eventually, the full reality settles in that we’ll never have the life we had with him, no matter how much we miss it.
Holding precious memories of him, speaking his name, smiling while looking at photos, and sharing stories of our life together are a normal and healthy part of grieving and healing. We will grieve him and miss him for the remainder of our life on earth. However, it is damaging to our emotional, mental, and physical health to keep pushing the rewind button of the love story over and over again out of the fear of leaving him behind or the feeling that we are betraying him if we dare to enjoy life agai
n. Doing so digs a rut of despair that we can feel in our body and rewires our brain into negative pathways that will eventually keep us stuck in sorrow.
As challenging or painful as it may be, there comes a time to make a decision…to remain in the illusion of the comfort of the past or to take that scary step into a new life. That time is personal and individual to each of us. No one can nor should tell us when or how. We will know intuitively when. We may not even know yet what lies head, but our heart will drop hints or give little tugs.
It could be deciding to bravely travel solo, to see new sites and explore new adventures. It could be moving to a new location or changing careers or retiring or going back to school. It could be testing the waters of a new relationship or taking a dive into a new one. It could be writing a book or changing our hairstyle and fashion. This change could be shocking to our family or even to ourselves. But somehow, it feels right or fun or fulfilling. It’s a time to bravely greet the Woman we are becoming.
As we take that le
ap into a new life, we are not leaving the husband we love behind nor erasing precious memories. He remains a part of our heart and soul, and we of his. We dance between two worlds with love unending. We live forward with Grief as our beautiful companion, a constant reminder of how blessed we were to create a life together with him and to live a beautiful love story. One that does last forever.
In the meantime, our time on this earth still offers adventures, fulfilling purpose, creativity, love in many forms, new experiences, opportunity to transform into a confident, compassionate, Unstoppable Warrior Woman through the unimaginable daily strength it has taken and continues to take to be a Widow and to rise in beauty from the ashes of sorrow (Isaiah 61:3).
We widows didn’t choose this life, but we can choose how to live it forward with the support of one another as “sisters” on this journey in a way that no one else can understand.
Photo credits: Pixabay
About Carmen Myrtis-Garcia
Carmen Myrtis-Garcia has faced her fears head-on while snorkeling the Great Blue Hole of Belize despite her phobia of the ocean, ziplining above a jungle canopy even though she is afraid of heights, walking barefoot across red-hot coals at a firewalking event, or moving alone to a foreign country. She does not consider herself brave, just curious.
The hardest challenge she faced was the suffering and death of her husband, Michael, to pancreatic cancer. Faith, prayer, and community got them through three stays in the hospital in a Third World country 3000 miles from family. Michael died in 2015 following an emergency trip back to Colorado just 3 years after they began living their long-planned for Dream on a little Caribbean Island.
Carmen is a published fiction and non-fiction writer. She is a contributor to Chicken Soup for the Soul and author of Land of Grief; Hope for the Widow’s Journey (devotional; release spring 2025). She is founder of Hope for the Widow’s Journey (private FB group) and Faith-Filled Widows (public FB), and her blog Thoughts-in-Grief. Her mission is to assist over one million widows to live life forward with hope, faith, and healing through her writings, podcasts, workshops, and grief mentoring.
She is the proud mother of two sons and a daughter-in-law and “neena” to two adorable grandchildren. She resides in Colorado and Belize and wanders at times when her gypsy spirit tugs at her.
That’s where I am right now, what first seemed scary, feels instinctly ok now.
Hello. This is so well said. Thank you for sharing. Michèle