Widows can feel like a novice in our new life… one so drastically different from what we knew. Where we once felt confident and strong, we can suddenly find ourself questioning everything. Our mind is in a fog and the thoughts we once readily grabbed and reasoned out with ease seem to be playing hide and seek. They laugh out loud as we chase them and we struggle to snatch them and hold them long enough to read them and comprehend.

What time is it? I feel like I’m in a gigantic clock shop. The clocks are out of sink so some are ticking along smoothly while others are proclaiming time in chimes, melodies, and tones reflecting the beginning of a new hour or programmed increment of time. Alarms both great and small are sounding. Music or a radio show blast out of nowhere. Some alarms shriek with an annoyance to get your attention and bring you out of sound sleep. Some play pleasant and soothing refrains to ease you into a bright new day.

What is my sound? Am I silent and invisible in a world of crazy chaos that just keeps going no matter what? Am I sending out a dissonant noise that repulses those around me causing them to run and scatter? Can I control my sound? Can I find the whisper when I am silent? Can I tame the tempest when pain, fear or complete unknown wants to explode into the atmosphere?

What time is it? I need to know. It has been speeding up like an express train roaring through all the leisurely and familiar stops that allow me to catch my breath and refresh so I am ready to face and tackle the next thing that needs to be done. Is it an out of control locomotive heading unchecked into the abyss?

Sorrow and grief can put us in a time warp. The constants in life that anchored us and gave us the grab bars to hold on to when life got shaky seem to suddenly disappear. Our landscape can go through a radical change that makes it seem like there is nothing familiar but whispers of a life we desperately miss.

What time is it? I need to know! I sit in a puddle of relentless tears looking at complete chaos. I don’t know where to start. Can anyone hear me?

 

King David wrote so many powerful Psalms in the Bible we can turn to when we become frantic in the chaos of life. He readily and earnestly poured out his heart to God… the Almighty God who created the world and us, who holds us in His mighty and loving hands, shielding, protecting and sustaining us through all we face in this life. God put those beautiful Psalms in His living Word. He’s big enough and wise enough, gentle enough and understanding enough, to know and understand how our hearts and minds wrestle with confusion, doubt, fear and sorrow. He wants us to turn to Him, share our hearts… no matter what we are thinking and feeling. He longs for us to trust Him with the hard things. He seeks a relationship with us so intimate we can boldly express our deepest pain as readily as we proclaim our most devoted love. He can bring healing to all those broken places when we are willing to express and acknowledge our pain as truthfully and completely as we can.

Have you ever noticed how David’s Psalms can start with weeping and wailing… doubting and questions… sorrow and pain… and eventually calm and dissolve to praise and thanksgiving?

YAHWEH, don’t condemn me. Don’t punish me in Your fiery anger.
Please deal gently with me, YAHWEH; show me mercy, for I’m sick and frail and weak. Heal me, YAHWEH, for I’m falling apart.
My soul is so troubled; but You, YAHWEH—how long?  
YAHWEH, turn to me and rescue my life because I know Your faithful love will never fail me.
In the darkness of death who remembers Your name in worship? How could I bring You praise if I’m buried in a tomb?
I’m worn out with my weeping and groaning. Night after night I soak my pillow with tears, and flood my bed with weeping.  
My eyes of faith won’t focus anymore, for sorrow fills my heart. There are so many enemies who come against me!
Turn from me, all you troublemakers! For YAHWEH turned to hear the sound of my weeping.
Yes! YAHWEH my healer heard all my pleading and has taken hold of my prayers and answered them all.
Psalm 6: 1-9 TPT

Psalm 6 starts out with David accusing God in his frustration and pain. God said David was a man after God’s own heart. Why would He say such a thing when David is found over and over again pouring out his feelings and fears, even blaming God at times. It is because God knows how frail and weak our human nature is. No matter what was going on, David always returned to seeking God with all his heart. Sure, he failed many times. We all do. He kept getting back up after each failure and after each time sorrow, pain or frustration tempted him to give up. He kept choosing as an act of his will to turn his mind and thoughts on God. He kept choosing to remember God brought him through so many other trials and tribulations in his past and God is faithful—so he reminded himself God can get him through this too. He proclaims the goodness of God and the triumph God will bring to his situation. His proclamation of truth brings victory over and over again.

As the ringing and ticking of time continues to flow, may God’s tender love smooth all cognitive dissonance you may be experiencing. When you find yourself filled with sorrow or grief overwhelming your very existence, let God’s Word become a healing balm to your soul. Your loving God hears you, is with you, and He will help you. Don’t be afraid to express the hard stuff. It is real. It can feel like it is suffocating you. It needs to get out so healing can come.

YAHWEH says: “The wise must not boast in their wisdom, the mighty must not boast in their power, and the wealthy must not boast in their riches.
If you’re going to boast, then boast about this: that you understand My ways and know My heart, and you know I am YAHWEH. Let the wise boast in knowing how I demonstrate infinite love, true justice, and righteousness, for these are the things that delight My heart,” declares YAHWEH.
Jeremiah 9: 23-24 TPT

Declare and believe God loves you. The more you say it and study His Word and get to know Him, the closer you draw near to God, the closer He will draw near to you. May God bless you today. May you feel His ever-present help in time of trouble. God bless you.

About 

Teri’s dance with grief actually began over five years before she watched her beloved husband of almost 37 years take his last breath and enter Heaven’s door on October 6, 2019. A terminal degenerative neurological disease steadily and increasingly attacked nearly every major system of his body and transformed him from a vibrant, brilliant, strong and caring man to a bedfast invalid at the end. She was devoted to caring for him and doing her best to make the most of every minute they had left, to love him and pray for a miracle.

She thought she knew what her future held, but she had no idea. Losing him was the first time she experienced a close and personal loss. He was the love of her life. The onslaught of the pandemic with its reign of fear-mongering, forced isolation and separation entering the scene and disrupting or destroying whatever sense of “normal” that remained, just added insult to injury.

Her faith in God is the sustaining force keeping her fighting spirit to find and share hope in a bright future. Her heart’s desire is to walk beside her fellow widows toward a path of promise and healing. She wants to offer encouragement and hope so others can find the strength to take that next breath or next step. She recently started her own blog, https://widowwhispers.blogspot.com/, to share with other widows not only the struggles and hardships of widowhood, but the triumphs. Her hope is found in leaning on the Lord Jesus to enjoy a God inspired future anchored in expectation He will bring us to a fulfilling and meaningful life.

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Teri Miner

Teri’s dance with grief actually began over five years before she watched her beloved husband of almost 37 years take his last breath and enter Heaven’s door on October 6, 2019. A terminal degenerative neurological disease steadily and increasingly attacked nearly every major system of his body and transformed him from a vibrant, brilliant, strong and caring man to a bedfast invalid at the end. She was devoted to caring for him and doing her best to make the most of every minute they had left, to love him and pray for a miracle. She thought she knew what her future held, but she had no idea. Losing him was the first time she experienced a close and personal loss. He was the love of her life. The onslaught of the pandemic with its reign of fear-mongering, forced isolation and separation entering the scene and disrupting or destroying whatever sense of “normal” that remained, just added insult to injury. Her faith in God is the sustaining force keeping her fighting spirit to find and share hope in a bright future. Her heart’s desire is to walk beside her fellow widows toward a path of promise and healing. She wants to offer encouragement and hope so others can find the strength to take that next breath or next step. She recently started her own blog, https://widowwhispers.blogspot.com/, to share with other widows not only the struggles and hardships of widowhood, but the triumphs. Her hope is found in leaning on the Lord Jesus to enjoy a God inspired future anchored in expectation He will bring us to a fulfilling and meaningful life.

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