My name is Rebecca.
My husband always called me Bec.
His name was Ruben Steven Cortez.
I called him, Rube.
We loved each other like crazy.
We had a love that others would tell me they only dreamed of…
He was my best friend, my counselor, my pastor, my business coach, my greatest love.
I loved how he loved me and how he loved others.
We worked together and were in ministry together for almost 23 years.
On December 11th, 2016 my beautiful Rube, suddenly and unexpectedly suffered a stroke in his sleep.
I called 911. I gave him CPR. I remember it very vividly. I cried out, “Don’t you dare die on me, Rube!”
He never regained consciousness.
I say that when he left this world, half my heart went with him.
And it did.
We were one.
Now I am half.
I have been learning how to live with half a heart.
I have been learning how to live the unimaginable.
At the hospital, when I realized he was not going to regain consciousness, somehow and only by the grace of God, I uttered these words,
“I SURRENDER TO HOPE.”
I have asked Jesus to not let any of this go to waste.
And to teach me what grief looks like from His perspective.
In my writings, I share how I have survived the horrific while miraculously having hope.
I will be painfully honest, as I share how I quickly recognized a glaring gap in our culture to understand grief and how to love others well, who are experiencing it.
I hope by doing so, to somehow encourage those who suffer silently in their pain, as others in the blogging community and social media world of instagram have done for me. I also pray that in some small way it will bring more awareness and help close what I call the “grief gap” that is so prevalent in our misinformed and uniformed society.
To all who have gone before me I say a heartfelt thank you.
I thank God for you.
You were used to help keep me sane during some of the worst pain of my life.
To my beautiful daughter Jess and my dearest friend, Cindy, thank you BOTH for journeying with me like none others.
Certainly not an easy thing to do.
I literally think I would have lost my mind, if it hadn’t been for you both.
We all have much to learn, especially myself of how to love better, live better and better understand grief.
Rebecca King Cortez, “Bec”
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