Although it may seem so, your life did NOT end with the loss of your partner. It’s just that in your grief, you’re feeling unable to imagine what comes next. This doesn’t mean it’s not there waiting for you to discover. It’s all up to you to pick up the pen and start writing the rest of your story.
Vladimir Nabokov wrote, “The pages are still blank, but there is a miraculous feeling of the words being there, written in invisible ink and clamoring to become visible.”
In order to “see” the words, it’s necessary to start looking at your life through new eyes. This enables you to comprehend what was always there but was previously invisible to you because you were viewing it from a different (and coupled) perspective.
In your quest to figure out your new path, Robert McKee feels it’s important to make a distinction between fact and truth. He said, “What happens is fact, not truth. Truth is what we think about what happens.”
Accordingly, “your truth” gets filtered through your thoughts (and mostly) your emotions. For example, when you examine your life and present circumstances, this elicits an emotional response on your part. In turn, your emotions affect how you regard your life OR the truth as YOU believe it to be. This then determines how you react and/or respond to the world.
If you’re not happy with your present circumstances (as I imagine you are not), you may be unable to change the facts, but you certainly have the ability to alter “your truth” and make it a more positive force that can propel you forward. In fact, today, you can start rewriting the story you tell yourself.
Cornelia Funke wants you to know that “stories never really end…even if the books like to pretend they do. Stories always go on. They don’t end on the last page, any more than they begin on the first page.” And either does yours!
Many widows find weekends very hard because others seem to be busier and have less time to stay in touch with them. Accordingly, this coming weekend, why not take advantage of this quiet alone time to think about what you can do to start writing the rest of your story.
If you need a little inspiration, I’ve written Love After Loss: Writing the Rest of Your Story, which chronicles my own search on how I found the new me. It includes exercises that can help you to do the same. It’s also a recipe on how to date with success via the Internet and what to do once in a relationship. You can read a short excerpt by clicking here.