It’s 8:44 am I didn’t sleep well last night, I tossed and turned. I usually have “maybe” 2 nights of decent sleep out of 7 nights. I have been this way since My Devan left this world. GOD keeps on showing me who he is in my life. He refuses to let me lose his word says he will never leave nor forsake me. Jesus says ask anything in my name and it shall be done according to his will. All I have to do is simply walk and trust each step that I take.
Monday, I went to get my follow up from having the procedure I had done two weeks prior. I already know and knew what God has said and revealed to me about my healing. He said in April 2014 that it was done, I was healed forever. When I heard that I had to have a sonogram, biopsy and then a DNC. I was frozen with fear for a moment. Then I was reminded of Gods promise Jesus paid the price for me to receive and have my healing forever.
The day of My Devans home going. I was walking to my seat and my cousin stopped me. He said “you have a book inside of you” I looked at him and I said. “Devan would always say that to me” he looked me in my eyes and said, “I’m just the messenger. Later that night when I returned home alone to the house that I shared with my husband for decades. I received a message from someone on social media. She told me that I was going to write a book.
A few weeks later I was sitting in the house with one of our friends who is a prophet, he also told me I was going to write a book. He also told me everything that would happen and he was just being a messenger of GOD. GOD was showing me a glimpse of what was in store for me. He continues to show me how my life is elevating, he lets me know that Devan didn’t leave us to hurt us. Devan was simply done with his purpose and as hard as it is for me to admit this I wouldn’t know how strong I really am if Devan was still here, or would I?
I have always had a relationship with our Father GOD, however, our relationship is much deeper. I’m so unequivocally in love with my father. I always wanted to be a daddy’s girl I now realize I always was because my father GOD has always been with me through it all. Therefore, I should never worry about any part of this journey called life because my faith has shown and taught me to trust every single step. I have surrendered to Gods will for me which is the best will to be in.
Realizing that some people may not understand what any of this means when I speak about trusting GOD when I speak about my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ and The Holy Spirit. I know that many people have their own beliefs and that’s their choice. All I’m saying is that for me I know who and where my strength comes from the only credit I will take for where I am in my absolute faith in GOD.
Yes, I am a widow, a widow, yes a widow. Although, I knew I would be Devans, widow, one day or maybe he would’ve been a widower I figured we would be 90 plus years old.
Most of the time I can feel when the wave is coming and I felt it this morning. It’s like being in the ocean and you’re floating in the water, just enjoying being in the water. Suddenly, you feel a few ripples which aren’t bad no big deal so you continue enjoying what you’re doing. Then out of nowhere, you get hit with a tidal wave that knocks you all the way up the beach which is when the waves hit the hardest. You try to brace yourself, you try to catch your breath but nothing will stop the force of the wave. Sometimes I am around my sisters when they hit, other times I am alone
Nonetheless, the waves are going to come and there’s nothing you can do about it except learn how to begin to ride the waves, you will then become a master of it. Not to say you won’t continue to get knocked down by some of them, however, you will know what to expect while also learning how long “your’ wave will last. One of my sisters told me about the waves 2 days after my Devan passed away. Today is one of those days that the tides are high which is when the waves hit the hardest.
I will pick myself up and I chose to keep going and I hope to encourage you to do the same.
Moment by Moment
~Kimberly Nicole Johnson