It’s 8:44 am I didn’t sleep well last night, I tossed and turned. I usually have “maybe” 2 nights of decent sleep out of 7 nights. I have been this way since My Devan left this world. GOD keeps on showing me who he is in my life. He refuses to let me lose his word says he will never leave nor forsake me. Jesus says ask anything in my name and it shall be done according to his will. All I have to do is simply walk and trust each step that I take.
Monday, I went to get my follow up from having the procedure I had done two weeks prior. I already know and knew what God has said and revealed to me about my healing. He said in April 2014 that it was done, I was healed forever. When I heard that I had to have a sonogram, biopsy and then a DNC. I was frozen with fear for a moment. Then I was reminded of Gods promise Jesus paid the price for me to receive and have my healing forever.
The day of My Devans home going. I was walking to my seat and my cousin stopped me. He said “you have a book inside of you” I looked at him and I said. “Devan would always say that to me” he looked me in my eyes and said, “I’m just the messenger. Later that night when I returned home alone to the house that I shared with my husband for decades. I received a message from someone on social media. She told me that I was going to write a book.
A few weeks later I was sitting in the house with one of our friends who is a prophet, he also told me I was going to write a book. He also told me everything that would happen and he was just being a messenger of GOD. GOD was showing me a glimpse of what was in store for me. He continues to show me how my life is elevating, he lets me know that Devan didn’t leave us to hurt us. Devan was simply done with his purpose and as hard as it is for me to admit this I wouldn’t know how strong I really am if Devan was still here, or would I?
I have always had a relationship with our Father GOD, however, our relationship is much deeper. I’m so unequivocally in love with my father. I always wanted to be a daddy’s girl I now realize I always was because my father GOD has always been with me through it all. Therefore, I should never worry about any part of this journey called life because my faith has shown and taught me to trust every single step. I have surrendered to Gods will for me which is the best will to be in.
Realizing that some people may not understand what any of this means when I speak about trusting GOD when I speak about my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ and The Holy Spirit. I know that many people have their own beliefs and that’s their choice. All I’m saying is that for me I know who and where my strength comes from the only credit I will take for where I am in my absolute faith in GOD.
Yes, I am a widow, a widow, yes a widow. Although, I knew I would be Devans, widow, one day or maybe he would’ve been a widower I figured we would be 90 plus years old.
Most of the time I can feel when the wave is coming and I felt it this morning. It’s like being in the ocean and you’re floating in the water, just enjoying being in the water. Suddenly, you feel a few ripples which aren’t bad no big deal so you continue enjoying what you’re doing. Then out of nowhere, you get hit with a tidal wave that knocks you all the way up the beach which is when the waves hit the hardest. You try to brace yourself, you try to catch your breath but nothing will stop the force of the wave. Sometimes I am around my sisters when they hit, other times I am alone
Nonetheless, the waves are going to come and there’s nothing you can do about it except learn how to begin to ride the waves, you will then become a master of it. Not to say you won’t continue to get knocked down by some of them, however, you will know what to expect while also learning how long “your’ wave will last. One of my sisters told me about the waves 2 days after my Devan passed away. Today is one of those days that the tides are high which is when the waves hit the hardest.
I will pick myself up and I chose to keep going and I hope to encourage you to do the same.
Moment by Moment
~Kimberly Nicole Johnson
I am new to this blog… and fairly new to being a widow. My husband of 38 years, Brien, was tragically killed while jogging with my son-in-law on Nov 21, 2016 – the Monday before Thanksgiving! He was only 58. I can honestly agree with you, that it is by the Grace of God that I continue to face each and and know with great HOPE that I will see Brien again and be together with him in Heaven. Thank you for sharing this post! It is refreshing to hear from a sister, a fellow believer! It doesn’t mean that grief is easier for us… it just means that we know where our guys are. Your description of the waves of grief is so accurate… growing up in Pensacola, I am so aware of how the surf can be brutal… just as grief can be brutal! I have jokingly started telling people, yes, grief comes in waves, but I am learning to surf! and I’m in good with the head LIFE GUARD! 🙂
Praying for you!
I am saddened to read about your loss as well!
You lost your husband 2 months after my Devan left this world.
Yes, God will continue to give us and so many others his peace. That’s the only way we can move forward through it all.
Thank you for reading my post
Keep trusting our Father God💖
Kim,This is just what I needed to read tonight. I lost my husband/best friend of 35 years in January 62 years old to brain cancer. Never been sick just getting ready to retire. We have no children and I honestly didn’t know grief could physically hurt until now. Most days I don’t know how I will make it another day without my soulmate but God has his arms around me just like he does you. I feel the love you had and still have for your sweet Devan. Keep writing and encouraging us all that are suffering from our loss. Love my Sister in Christ
Betty, I am so very sorry that you have to endure the loss and pain of being without your husband. Grief is real and no one can tell you how to grieve your husband nor how long. It is a moment by moment process. It hasn’t been a full two years and it still hurts each day like it just happened. Take it moment by moment, because if you move past the moments it will completely knock you off your feet. God certainly has you even in the moments when it feels like you are all alone. Feel whatever you need to feel and be where you need to be. Keep pushing because God has a purpose for you.
Stay encouraged and keep trusting God. I am walking this path with you.
I have written a book during this time entitled “Walking Without My Cane” check out my website http://www.kimberlynicolejohnson.com and if you feel lead order your copy. I know that it will bless your soul.
Kim keep trusting God.seek God in everything you do . invite God to give you direction for your life surrender to God to rule every day minute and hour surrender your relationship your time your finanances recreation decisions body mind and soul your desires and dreams put them all in God’s hand they can be used for his Glory.wait on God continue to trust him read Galatians 2:20 to rule you in every area