Though the days have come like sudden waves of pain and sorrow, know you are not alone.
For those who have recently become widows, you are not alone. Those who have been on this journey for years, you’re still not alone.
My journey began a little over a year ago. Never have I felt such pain, fear and confusion before. The lingering sense of guilt had me wanting to climb into a dark hole and just stay there. Things I wish I would have done, things I wish I never said or done, came to my mind. It was overwhelming. I wanted to hide away in guilt. I had no freedom to do anything or believe that I deserved anything good.
Though you may seem like there is no up from where you are, I promise you there is.
Openly, I share my Faith with those who I come across, especially those who are going through very similar circumstances. The reason being, it’s the main thing that has helped me through my journey of widowhood. It has given me the strength in those moments when all I felt was weakness. Widowhood was something I never expected to go through so early in my marriage. My husband and I were married two and half years, before he passed.
I speak about guilt, because it seems to be the main thing bringing so much torment to the minds and hearts of many widows. I believe the reason is this, we don’t expect this to happen to us.
Forgiveness
Is something I struggled with. I couldn’t forgive myself for what I wish I would have done, but didn’t, or forgive myself for what I wish I didn’t do, but did, or for those times I took my husband for granted. It became a heavy burden on my shoulders.
I sense there are many women who find themselves in this pit of guilt right now.
Many times I thought, “tomorrow I will be better and do things differently.” For me, tomorrow never came. A lot of women are living in that guilt and condemnation right now. I want to let you know, it’s a lie. My purpose is to bring hope to your hearts. Especially to those who are feeling that way today. What happened is not your fault.
This is not a consequence of what you did or didn’t do.
We never know why things happen, but we can truly believe that there is a plan and purpose for it.
You may not see or believe it right now, but I promise this will turn around into a beautiful story of healing, restoration and rebuilding. Your story will be a blessing to someone else when it’s time to spread your wings, again.
Hold on, my love. You will soon see better days. There is a purpose for your pain, and a plan for your life. Take heart and remember you are not alone.
You are deserving of love, forgiveness and every good thing. You are worthy of it, my love.
“For the woman who grieves; you’re not alone. In these days, as sadness comes to you, know there is hope beyond the pain. There is strength for the weakness and joy for the sadness.” -Stephanie
Stephanie Ann Pequeno life turned upside down on August 31, 2018. After being married two and half years to her best friend of 8 years, she became a widow. This new journey has been full of fear, confusion and loneliness, but nonetheless a blessed one.
She is learning who she is as a single woman walking in the ways of GOD, with a heart filled with desire to encourage and spread the hope that has helped her through the most difficult time of her life, with others.
Her story and love for writing didn’t begin here though… The love for writing began in her teen years. Stephanie was a young girl who struggled with depression. Writing became the very thing that allowed her to fully express what she felt inside. Though she was never good with voicing her feelings, the pages always seemed to know more about her than anybody else. It became an escape, the only place she felt comfortable to be who she was, and not feel ashamed with what was going on in her life.
Stephanie writes in hope to show others they are not alone in what they are going through. She writes in hope to show others they are loved.
You can also find Stephanie over on her personal blog at: https://theheartofgrace.blog/
Dearest Stephanie’ Thank You for your touching and heartfelt message’ it truly hit the spot’ right on target’
A widow of a year’ each passing day I am exactly ” In the pit of guilt’ regret’ remorse ” , finding fault in my actions all around’ replaying and reliving all the events ‘ circumstances’ day to day situations of our married years’ and specially the last years of Parkinson’s degeneration of my beloved husband’
I am the only widow in my immediate circle of family ‘ cousins and friends ‘ I’m the odd one in their couples club’ and there’s none that I can share my feelings with’ and none who can relate or understand the inner upheaval of a widow and the sudden foreign world she’s thrown in’
My only therapy are these emotionally written personal experiences and expressions of fellow widows and the grief support groups of the internet’
Hi Laura,
I appreciate you reaching out and sharing with me. It blesses my heart knowing that the blog spoke to you. I struggled a long time with guilt, until I realized that I had no control over the outcome. There was nothing I could have done or said that would have changed what happened. Many times we take up that burden, which was not ours in the first place.
Like you, I am also the “single,” the odd one around my friends and family. That’s also new the struggle. Slowly, I am learning how to see this as a new beginning and how this is a brand new journey of figuring out who I now am with my husband.
I pray that God’s peace will guard your heart and that you will soon be able to lift your head with confidence knowing that you are loved and never ALONE. ♥️
Dearest Stephanie’ Thank You for your touching and heartfelt message’ it truly hit the spot’ right on target’
A widow of a year’ each passing day I am exactly ” In the pit of guilt’ regret’ remorse ” , finding fault in my actions all around’ replaying and reliving all the events ‘ circumstances’ day to day situations of our married years’ and specially the last years of Parkinson’s degeneration of my beloved husband’
I am the only widow in my immediate circle of family ‘ cousins and friends ‘ I’m the odd one in their couples club’ and there’s none that I can share my feelings with’ and none who can relate or understand the inner upheaval of a widow and the sudden foreign world she’s thrown in’
My only therapy are these emotionally written personal experiences and expressions of fellow widows and the grief support groups of the internet’
Laura’
Hi Laura,
I appreciate you reaching out and sharing with me. It blesses my heart knowing that the blog spoke to you. I struggled a long time with guilt, until I realized that I had no control over the outcome. There was nothing I could have done or said that would have changed what happened. Many times we take up that burden, which was not ours in the first place.
Like you, I am also the “single,” the odd one around my friends and family. That’s also new the struggle. Slowly, I am learning how to see this as a new beginning and how this is a brand new journey of figuring out who I now am with my husband.
I pray that God’s peace will guard your heart and that you will soon be able to lift your head with confidence knowing that you are loved and never ALONE. ♥️
With love,
Stephanie