Another Christmas

I’ve made it through another year
My third Christmas without you here
I’m used to being without you now
I’ve made a brand new life somehow

I hate that you aren’t here with me
That you are just a memory
The years keep moving by so fast
My time with you fades to the past

Each holiday comes at a cost
Reminding me of all I’ve lost
We celebrate without you here
I try so hard to feel you near

But as the years keep moving on
It seems that you’ve been gone so long
So much has happened in my life
Since all those years I was your wife

The days so quickly come and go
That years fly by before you know
And nothing is the same today
It’s all changed since you went away

But though my life has changed so much
I miss your voice, your love, your touch
Those things you used to say and do
Those times we spent, just me and you

So sometimes I just need a day
To leave the crowd and slip away
And close my eyes, relive that time
When I was yours and you were mine

I’ll spend a little time with you
And tell you all that I’ve been through
And though I know it’s just pretend
I’ll listen for your voice again

I need some time, not very long
Then I’ll be able to move on
I need a little while to cry
But won’t let Christmas pass me by

I’ll put the memories away
And come back to the present day
I’ll rejoin life the best I can
I’ll dance and laugh and live again

But as I celebrate this day
Alone on one more holiday
And gaze upon our Christmas tree
Deep in my mind, you’re here with me


On August 13, 2017, I lost the love of my life. Rick Palmer and I celebrated our 20th wedding anniversary one month before he died at age 63 of complications from treatments for small cell lung cancer. He was my partner and soulmate, the love I had been looking for and finally found at age 40.

Rick was a talented writer and web designer and, in 2002, we began our own web and print design business. We worked together building the business and enjoyed traveling, writing, and playing together. Our dream was to spend our golden years together doing more of the same, but in the ten months from diagnosis to death, that dream shattered.

After Rick’s death, I quickly realized that the enormity of his loss was too much for me to handle on my own, so I began grief therapy. I also began writing through my grief in a journal of feelings, thoughts, memories, and poetry. As I navigate my new life alone, I share my journey and my efforts towards creating my “new normal” on my personal blog: The Writing Widow. I’m also on Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook.

I recently published two books about my grief journey: my poetry book, I Wanted to Grow Old With You: A Widow's First Year of Grief in Poetry, and compilation of my blog posts A Widow's Words: Grief, Reflection, Prose, and Poetry - The First Year." Both books are available in print and Kindle versions on