Living without him.

This is something I’m still grappling with after all this time. Shortly after Mike died I remember thinking, “We’re all so young. I still have so many years ahead of me, God-willing. How am I going to live that long without him?” It was a fair question and if I’m being honest, that question still comes up for me from time to time.

By the grace of God, I’ve made a beautiful life for me and my kids. We’ve gone on some seriously life-giving, life-altering adventures. We’ve laughed and danced and explored a lot. We reside in a community/city/state that has become a part of who we are and live in a space that feels like home. In that home, we’ve healed, made new memories, and have grown so much. Yet, there always feels like something is missing.

There is always an empty chair at our dining room table where he should be sitting.

There is always room for one more on our couch or in my bed as we cozy up and watch movies together.

There is always…

It is his presence, after all these days without him, that we still miss in our home.

His absence is felt daily.

In the little and in the big things.

For us, time hasn’t changed that. We’ve just learned to live around it in our own ways.

You just cannot replace, fill or substitute the sacred space that my Love, their Daddy, once held and so magnanimously filled.

I guess too that having grown up with someone, having kids together, all those years maturing, is in itself such an adventure. Some stuff you plan for, most stuff just happens and you adjust and embrace it. It’s all crazy and wild and incredible. I miss sharing the crazy and wild and incredible with him. The simple things that brought us so much joy. The adventure of living the everyday mundane that as I’ve grown older recognize isn’t really that mundane after all.

 

About 

In May of 2013, after nearly 9 years of marriage and at the age of 32, Krystal received news that would forever change the life of her and her children. Her husband, exactly 2 weeks after his 33rd birthday, was killed in a tragic car accident when a pipe went through his windshield, killing him instantly. It was in those early weeks after his death that God laid on her heart to move forward in hope. It has been that mantra that has propelled Krystal and her children forward, working through their trauma and grief, embracing this new season of their lives with hope, love and a sense of adventure. After moving across the country in search of living their best life in the wake of such loss, Krystal and her children began fulfilling a dream she had always had to travel and serve others alongside her children. This began a love relationship for Krystal and her children with the country and people of Haiti.

Krystal currently resides in Nashville, TN with her three children and rescue pup, Owen. She is a Certified Life Coach for Widows encouraging other widows to embrace widowhood with hope and a sense of adventure. You can find more about Krystal and A Hope Fueled Life on Facebook and Instagram @ahopefueledlife.