I thought today would be a difficult one to handle because it was Valentine’s Day – the day for lovers – and mine is gone. It’s my fourth year without Rick here, and after all this time, I’m used to life alone – and even enjoy my life and the independence. But, still, after dating for a year now, not meeting anyone that I want to spend this lovers’ holiday with, and being quarantined in the midst of a pandemic, I don’t appreciate the reminder that I AM very, very alone. After all, a holiday that focuses on love and couples isn’t the most fun a widow can have.
But I realized that this day is no different from any other to me. Rick made every day special. He was a rebel when it came to anything he was “supposed” to do. He said buying me something on a “Hallmark holiday” didn’t prove anything. In fact, a few months before he died, on what I knew would be our last vacation together in Florida, he bought me a bouquet of pink roses for no reason. And I realized then that so much of what I would miss when he was gone wouldn’t be special holidays. It would be every day.
FLOWERS FOR NO REASON
My life went on without you
I’ve lived through every season
But since you died, the thing I miss
Is flowers for no reason
These Hallmark Holidays, you claimed,
Were not what proved devotion
It was the times lived in between…
Vacations near the ocean
Or evenings on our backyard deck
And private jokes we shared
The hours that we spent side by side
All proved how much you cared
The little trinkets you picked up
The unexpected kiss
The times you cooked a special meal
Those are the things I miss
So on this special day for two
I sit here all alone
But miss you no more than I do
Each day since you’ve been gone
And on this lovers’ holiday
When romance is in season
I know that I miss most of all –
Those flowers for no reason
