One of the main, and often most magical, ways in which I connect with my husband is in my dreams. Since childhood, I have always had the incredible fortune of having colourful, vivid dreams filled with illustrious imagery, intuitive messages, premonitions and visits from loved ones in spirit. I often shared these dreams with my husband, and he never questioned the insight and messages I gained from them. Instead he trusted them as much as I did. It was a language he believed in and supported within me. I remember being in labour with our first child, and suddenly realizing that I had dreamt the entire thing in the months leading up to birth. Upon this realization, I grabbed his hand tighter, looked him straight in the eye between contractions and said “remind me to tell you about a dream.” The midwives and nurses all chuckled at me, but not my husband. Instead he put his hand on my face and with trust and belief he simply replied “okay, I will.”
He and I both knew that dreams are a spiritual gift we all have the potential for, but its also a blessing I sometimes took for granted until the last 19.5 months. The night I lost my husband I remember kneeling on the icy cold Canadian winter ground outside of my parents home, as our toddler son was finally asleep inside, and just heaving and sobbing in agony as grief, shock and trauma physically coursed through my 5 months pregnant body. I remember looking up at the stars, and whispering to him (as I just knew he could hear me), to come find me in my dreams and that I’ll wait for him there. I don’t even know if I really knew what I was saying or if I was just running on intuition and instinct, but either way I could feel the tangible possibility of that dream space together, and I knew he wouldn’t let me down.
Since the beginning, I have had the incredible fortune that he regularly appears in my dreams. Sometimes only briefly, oftentimes there are colourful storylines and messages, but every time with those warm and smiling eyes that know just how to see me down to my bare soul. Together, in my dream space, we have adventured to oceans and mountains, the most magical blue lagoon, and even other worlds. The emotional intimacy I am able to still have with him through dreams is something I will never lose like I lost him here in the physical world. These experiences help solidify the eternal bond we have together and remind me in the darkest of moments that our love never dies, and instead only continues to grow and evolve as our souls do.
I want others to know this feeling. I want you to know this. I want you to know that when your husband appears in your dreams, its actually him visiting you. It’s not just your imagination, it’s truly him coming to support you, love you, spend time with you, and to help your connection continue to grow and deepen. The only thing that ever dies are our physical bodies. Our spirit continues and love survives for eternity, and our dream spaces are a way to experience the continuation of that magic without the humanness of it all weighing you down. I promise you that you have the ability to have these experiences too, we all do, sometimes it just takes a little practice and patience to step out of our human experience and into a spiritual one.
If dreams are something you want to experience but haven’t yet been able to, there are a few things you can do to help guide yourself to dreamland. Think of these practices like going to the gym for your dream development. You can’t just go to the gym sometimes and expect to see results, it takes continued dedication and hard work to develop the muscle. First, I recommend making a regular practice of journaling some dream intentions before bed, and then follow it up by checking out some sleep meditations to help awaken visualization as you drift off to sleep. I also recommend taking 5 minutes when you first wake up and writing down every single detail of your dreams every single day, even if there are very few, and be sure to include everything you see, feel and hear and how it makes you feel in waking reflection. This exercise helps strengthen dream recollection, and as an added bonus, when you do have a magical dream, even if the details fade (which is less likely after writing them down anyways), you’ll still have your dream journal to reflect on to invoke those beautiful memories.
Dreams have been one of the most profoundly helpful tools in my grief journey, and if I can encourage you to do one positive thing for yourself in your grieving process, it would be to strengthen your relationship with your dreams and invite your husband to meet you there. I promise it’ll be worth the work.