Solo Parent?
“I can’t imagine what it will be like to be a single parent.”
A friend said this to me at lunch only a few weeks after my husband died suddenly from a heart attack. I think I just looked at her with my mouth hanging open. Single parent? That wasn’t me. I had a wonderful husband who was an amazing father to our two young daughters. But he was gone now. Was I really a single parent?
I couldn’t see myself that way. I don’t know why, but it just didn’t compute.
Eventually, I heard the term “Solo-Parent”.
A lightbulb went off in my head. I was a solo-parent. It is very different from a single parent. We all know why – we don’t ever get a break, there are no free nights and weekends, our kids have no one but us. It’s a hard job.
I decided early on that my only goal was to try to raise my daughters to be functioning, self-sufficient, productive and happy (as much as possible) people. Not any easy task.
Children who have lost a parent are special. They live through something no child should have to live through.
My husband died ten years ago and I became a solo parent. My daughters, who were 10 and 12, are now 21 and 23. They are young adults. I am proud to say that they are well on their way to meet the goals I set ten years ago. At the moment, they are both doing really well.
But I am always waiting for the other shoe to drop.
All three of us did not get to where we are now without unimaginable struggles. There were times I did not see us making it this far.
This is my first of many articles I will write for Hope for Widows Foundation. I want to show those just started on this journey that it might not seem like it, but there is hope. I have made tons of mistakes. Solo parenting is not an easy ride. I found myself crying many times on my floor. But there is always light at the end of the tunnel, even when you can barely see it.
I am looking forward to sharing my solo-parenting stories. My successes and my mistakes. And, even though my girls are young adults, it doesn’t end. I still parent them, even if it looks a little different now than when they were younger.
About Stacy Feintuch
Stacy Feintuch was a happily married mom of two adorable little girls. That all changed 10 years ago when her husband died of a sudden heart attack. After a few very difficult years, she learned how to solo-parent and raised two amazing young women on her own. Five years ago, she became a writer when she started a blog about her experiences. She is now thriving and in a happy relationship. Stacy hopes to inspire other women to move forward in their own time while also keeping their memories alive. She can be found on Instagram at @thewidowwearspink.
Thank you for sharing your story. My daughter is grown and was married about a year and a half before my husband went home to the Lord. She will always be my child and her Dad’s departure impacted her life as well as mine. My husband suffered through a degenerative neurological disease. The last time he walked on his own was to walk her down the aisle at her wedding. Parenting is a gift we get to open and discover things we never notice on our own. It’s two and a half years today my husband took his last breath. Even though my daughter is grown up, I miss being able to talk to my husband about my cares and concerns for her. Reading your story waters the hope in my heart to keep pressing forward. Whatever challenges we face day by day, we can find solutions. When we eventually look back through time, we gain perspective and find new strength to face the future.
Amazing insight. My husband passed away in his sleep about two months ago leaving me to solo- parent three kids all under the age of 17. I felt the same way the first time someone called me a single parent. It just didn’t compute and broke my heart. It’s nice to know you’re not alone. Thanks for sharing.
Amanda – I am so sorry. It is a lot to deal with. I am always happy to chat if you ever need. I remember feeling that no one understood but I guarantee that those of us who have been there get it. I promise that eventually there is light at the end of the tunnel.