I was watching a Brene Brown video and she talked about how everyone wants to have extraordinary experiences, but how the little things in life really matter more. She said that after stunning life events, like near-death experiences, the death of a loved one, or other traumas, in the aftershock, what we miss are the ordinary moments before the event occurred.
As an example, she said after the death of her husband, one woman asked: “Can I please hear him come through the screen porch door again?”
Well, great… there’s a trigger.
All these years later, I still long for those ordinary moments I shared with Rick. I remember the parties and life celebrations, but what I miss most – living here alone in the “afterlife” – are the simple things that made life so satisfying.
I miss riding in the car to some mundane destination. Gabbing about everything and anything and pointing out interesting things to each other on the ride. Singing out loud together when some peppy song came on the radio. Holding hands across the center console.
I miss the ordinary diner breakfasts on Sundays. I miss the boring TV nights during the week. I miss his deep throaty belly laugh when something took his fancy.
I miss him making the dog “fake talk” to me in the strange accent he used for the dog’s voice. (Rick made the dog refer to me as, “Woman who talks so much” and always received a glare from me in response.)
I miss the ordinary sights, sounds, and smells that ceased to exist after he died.
I miss looking across the hall at each other from our mutual offices and listening to the sound of him clacking away at his computer.
I miss smelling the food cooking on the grill and our nightly dinners outdoors on the deck.
I miss him patting my butt when I walked by him.
I miss the musky smell of him when he worked up a sweat cutting grass on a sunny summer day.
I miss lying in bed together cuddling on rainy Sunday afternoons.
I even miss listening to him snore.
I miss all of those simple things. I miss the essence of day-to-day life spent together.
So, sure, I miss the vacation memories, the birthdays, the anniversaries. But nearly five years later, in life after Rick, it’s the ordinary moments I long to have back again.
A very well written piece, I miss particularly the way my husband rubbed my back while sleeping and yes the rainy evening cuddles.
My husband, of who we only got married 1yr ago. And i feel like due to everything, my memory isn’t recalling all our moments. Like i have a mental block. Maybe its the best way to deal with it. Because i had my future set to be with him. We were planning to have a kid this year 2022.
I pray daily, sometimes a bit more on days that i feel really empty.