This might be a bit long. When I sat down to create my blog for the week I couldn’t find where to begin. I realized this was April, not that I did not know this before, but this is April. April is very important to our relationship. We met in the month of April. His birthday is in April. There are many wonderful blessings for our family in April….and this year Easter is in April. Easter was my husbands favorite holiday. He was like a kid on Christmas when it came to Easter. This Easter fell on my husbands birthday. It finally hit me why I was off. Why I didn’t care. Why everything was just……just. I tried numerous time to really write something inspiring, something to touch someone’s heart. Honestly, I could not come up with anything besides to sit and write this intro and to include a letter I wrote to the universe, if you will, about a month after Glenn passed. My hope is it will bring you some type of comfort, calmness or peace. In reality, my sharing with each of you has truly helped me. Below is the letter I called Dear TBD: in the note section of my phone.
PLEASE REMEMBER I am not the same person since my husband passed away.
Even though I don’t seem very interactive, I do need you. I am devastated. I’ve lost half of me and my identity. All my future goals and aspirations are intertwined with him being part of those and I have no idea how to formulate my future without him. I’m still here under all of this grief.
Please remember that grief lasts longer than sympathy does…be patient with me. He was my past, present and future. Please cut me a bit of slack if there is sometimes an edge to my voice. I’m at the end of my rope at any given moment. Please talk about my husband and don’t worry if I start to cry. Crying is part of the grieving process. I want to hear his name. I want to hear your memories of him. Please be there for me through the good times and bad. I need your support not your judgment. When I talk, please just let me talk without trying to fix me. Please don’t jump on every comment I say during my hazy “widow brain”. Don’t judge the timeline to my grief. Don’t tell me I should be “over it” by now. Don’t tell me to “move on”. I will never move on. I’ve love the man I love. Hopefully, I will be able to put one foot in front of the other and slowly be able to move forward but I will never move on.
Please don’t compare my grief with your divorce or the death of your family animal. The bottom line is that my husband is in the urn on my shelf. Don’t tell me you are going to be there for me and then not return my calls, not include me in gatherings, or not show up seeing what I need. Don’t tell me after he dies what I did wrong while he was sick. I was alone and did the best I could. Don’t tell me “he’s in a better place”. That is complete bull….he belongs here with me, with our children and with our granddaughter.