On Friday I Said sorry for your loss to someone and felt terrible about it. It was a customer, not someone I knew, and it took me longer than it should have to utter the words. He said so casually that his partner had passed away and the funeral was the day before and the burial was that day.
It took me a minute as I was going back to the days right after Matt died. When it had not sunk in, yet he was really gone. That my world seemed to be ending and the rest of the world continued. People said Sorry for your loss, and I did not respond.
Since then, I started saying you are in my thoughts please let me know if you need anything. But to a stranger on the other end of the phone, I could not say that. I had to mutter sorry for your loss when my brain caught up to the conversation.
Sorry for your loss did not say I know your heart is ripping in half and when your son leaves tomorrow you will be truly alone and not know what to do next.
You will think about calling them to tell them something and just break down. Sorry, for your loss does not tell them to lean on a friend who will be okay with your grief moment.
Your good friends will understand when you call them in a parking lot because you do not know how to calm down to drive. Something small might set you off like an item that they would like. And for a small moment, you will forget they are gone. Sorry for your loss will not make that pain any less.
Talk about them when you are ready. My best friends talk about Matt with me. We laugh at things that happened. Talk about the day he died and how it was such a surprise to everyone. None of them said sorry for your loss, they just showed up and made sure I was okay. They show up and walk with me for the annual 5K. We walk to honor Matt. They know it is important to me.
And over time it will get easier to live with the loss that is not yet registered to you. Every day you will still think about them, but the memories will not always take your breath away. Sorry for your loss and that it will remain with you for the rest of your life.
Find your tribe, the people grieving that will understand your pain. The ones that will not judge you for still grieving years later because they are members of the same tribe. Ones that will not think that you should be over it by now. Sorry that you are joining a club no one wants to be a part of.
Sorry, for your loss does not begin to cover the things I would like to say to the person that just lost their companion. It does not say I have been where you are, and I will be holding you in my thoughts over the next few days. I wish I could take this pain away.
Sorry for your loss. These are the only words that came to mind and have bothered me since I said them.
Mark your calendars! Hope For Widows Foundation’s annual virtual Widows of Hope 5K event has returned on Friday, May 12 through Sunday, May 14, 2023. Anyone can join! Whether you are a widow, widower, or a friend/family member showing support or walking in the loss of another family member, everyone is welcome to participate. The proceeds will directly support widows through the annual financial Restoring Hope and Peace Grants, Sunshine Boxes program, and Bring Hope Holiday Assistance Program. Do you have or know a business that would like to sponsor? That’s an option too! To register and frequently asked questions- please go here: http://getmeregistered.com/WidowsofHope5K Also, mark your calendars, on National Widows Day, May 3, 2023, the Restoring Hope and Peace Grant application process will open up. Please go here for criteria and details: https://hopeforwidows.org/grant/
About Laurel Snook
Laurel became a young widow on October 2, 2020, her husband Matt had a heart attack he was only 37. Matt was a juvenile diabetic and they always knew he would die young but she never thought that she could be a widow at 32. Navigating grief with anxiety, regrets and guilt have been a struggle for Laurel. They had gotten into a fight days before he died and they had talked about divorce. One of the things that helped her the most is finding other widows who understood the pain she was feeling. In February she decided to start writing her story. Self-care is something else she started to do daily and art has become her outlet to get what she is feeling out which she shares on her Instagram. Being a young widow comes with its own challenges but we are not alone in this journey.
You can find her on Instagram @HealingPorcupine or her personal blog link- Healingporcupine.com.