Moving on after the losses we face come with challenges that dating did not have before. There is the ghost in the room. The ghost of the life you lived before.
My ghost is all over my home in pictures. In the memory bear and photo in my room. Although my ghost never lived in my home he is there. And will always have a small part of my heart.
Two years ago coming to Maine to see my friend was a trip to escape my memories and ghost. To reset and refresh. This year I am here and it feels so different. I have learned how to live and move on.
I met a great guy who I am dating. Although some would not agree with me I talk about Matt with him. Without the experiences I had I would not be the woman I am today. And he understands that and in order to date I need someone that understands my past and the pain that came with my love dying.
Last Sunday I texted my mother in law Happy Mothers day. And then I had the moment that some time soon I am going to have to tell her that I met someone. Our ghost is the same but always has been different.
My brain went down the path of how will she feel? Will she still want to be apart of my life? Will she understand. This is something I didn’t worry about before I had a ghost.
My worry is that I will lose my in laws and the loss will affect me. I am excited for my future but don’t want to fully give up my past. The new person in my life understands.
Moving on means knowing that there will be days that my ghost will be more present in my day. Dates that bring back memories. But with commutation I don’t worry about that effecting my new relationship because I have told him about these days so he can be prepared.
Similar patterns in dating have appeared and it makes me think of the past and smile. Knowing my ghost is with me. Hoping he is happy that I found someone that takes care of me and makes me smile.
About Laurel Snook
Laurel became a young widow on October 2, 2020, her husband Matt had a heart attack he was only 37. Matt was a juvenile diabetic and they always knew he would die young but she never thought that she could be a widow at 32. Navigating grief with anxiety, regrets and guilt have been a struggle for Laurel. They had gotten into a fight days before he died and they had talked about divorce. One of the things that helped her the most is finding other widows who understood the pain she was feeling. In February she decided to start writing her story. Self-care is something else she started to do daily and art has become her outlet to get what she is feeling out which she shares on her Instagram. Being a young widow comes with its own challenges but we are not alone in this journey.
You can find her on Instagram @HealingPorcupine or her personal blog link- Healingporcupine.com.