The Greatest Gift You Can Give A Widow
Sometimes the greatest gift you can give a widow is asking her about her husband. Ask her sincerely. Ask and truly listen. Speak positively, kindly and reassuringly whenever it feels right.
If she tears up while telling you a sweet memory or a painful memory, it isn’t your fault. You didn’t “make her cry.” Your care and concern for her beloved and the life she shared with him shows your genuine care for her.
At times she may say it is too hard to reminisce. There may be certain things that are just too painful to speak of and she just isn’t able to put them to words. That is okay too. She isn’t going to be “mad at you” for asking.
The person that meant the most to her may not be here anymore, but her heart still feels he is just as important as ever before. Don’t exclude this part of her life from your conversations unless she has requested that you do so.
So what do I want to share now that I’ve survived nearly two years without my sweetheart Chris?
I want you to know that Chris was the sweetest, most self-less, forgiving, humble and hilarious person I have ever known.
He was the dearest and best of best friends I could ever have dreamed of. He was an incredibly loving, gentle, patient and devoted father.
We had more in common than any other person I have ever known.
I felt so safe in his love, as well as cherished, encouraged, and respected.
He made me laugh until I cried all the time.
He was my world.
Would you like to share about your husband?
What was he like?
What was special about your relationship together?
Your husband’s life and legacy matter.
Your love story and memories together matter.
In Hope & Prayers,
From This Widow Mama
I started being a widow 3 days ago. My husband and I were in love 24 years ago and it just didn’t work out. After all those years we found each other again. We only had 3 amazing years together and then he was gone. I am totally lost and confused. The only comfort I have is that I have the amazing memories to help me push forward. I have no family left and am totally alone in a new state with not many friends. I will honor him by keeping his memory alive and remembering the good times. That’s all I have left.
Thank you Chrysta for sharing your heart with us. Please know I am praying with you during this very dark season in your life. The pain of grief can feel so unbearable. I am so glad you can take comfort in amazing memories you shared together.
It’s been 2 years and 3 months since I lost my Sweet Husband to Covid (2021). We’d been married over 30 years. We met in middle school, friends, then dating then marriage. We have 4 adult children and 2 beautiful grandsons one age 4 and one 5 months. They won’t ever get to know the amazing man their grandfather was, except through our stories, pictures and memories. He was my best friend and greatest cheerleader. He was generous, kind to strangers, loved animals, highly creative and sensitive. He looked like a big burly bearded biker, but his smile could light up a room. He never went a day without telling me more than once how much he loved me. He told the silliest jokes (dad joke extraordinaire), and was a hopeless romantic with the soul of a poet. We were an “Us” longer than we were individuals. I am struggling with the pain of his physical absence beyond description. I am literally half a person now and I don’t know what to do with the stranger I see in the mirror every morning. I miss him every moment. I am lucky that his parents and my sib-in laws love me very much. We try to get together for lunch every week and at the table we get the chance to share stories and memories of Him as well as check in with each other and lend comfort. It both helps and hurts. I don’t think there is any real formula for the grief journey. Our grief is so singular for each of us…. but I am grateful for every story, memory, shared experience I receive from family and friends. To know he was loved and is remembered fondly by so many is comforting.
It is so nice to read your sweet description of your wonderful husband and the many many years you shared together even as children. I am so glad you are able to take comfort in the weekly meal and the sharing of the fond memories of your husband’s impact on so many. what a gift to have good in-law relationships. Your description of feeling like literally half of a person and feeling like you don’t know what to do with the stranger you see in the mirror is such an accurate description of the heartache we face as widows. I’m so glad you took the time the share.
My husband was much as you described. He was the best friend I had for 38 years, I met him at 17. He passed away unexpectedly in May 2022, I was 55. Now my son, daughter, and me are the three of us alone. We are trying to figure out how to press forward without him. You are so right, it would be great if someone asked me about him. The simple memories of him are the most meaningful. Thank you for sharing this!
I so appreciate all that you shared. I am so glad that you had your wonderful husband for 38 years. What a tremendous gift. I understand that doesn’t make the grief and loss and easier though. I am praying for you and your children on this very difficult journey. I am so glad he was such a wonderful husband and father for you and your children.
💜 this widow life is not easy and I’m so sorry you started it too young. But you’re never old enough to lose him either.
My husband was 51 and died during the COVID lockdown not from the virus but because his care kept being postponed, so his diagnosis of liver failure came too late, like literally as I had to decide whether to continue life support.
His name is Rodrick. He was a huge presence in the world, 6’5” with a laugh that echoed and a smile that lit up the room. We found each other later in life so we had been married just two years. If I could do it all again, knowing what I know now, I’d have found him sooner so I could have him longer. He was the only man for me. I’m sad without him. It’s been almost 3 years.
Aww thanks so much Jennifer for your kind words. No matter the length of the marriage, this widow journey is so tough for us all. I am so thankful that you took the time to share your story and to tell us about Rodrick. He sounds like he was a strong, fun and warm-hearted man among many other things. I am so sorry for your sorrow these three years :(.