10 Christmas Confessions of a Grieving Widow
Coping with grief can make us do some goofy things sometimes, particularly at certain times of the year like Christmas, but I am happy to share you aren’t alone. Please be reassured that you aren’t loosing it, your feelings are valid and things like this are a perfectly normal part of grief.
1) Sometimes I still put Daddy’s name on the Christmas gift tags.
After all, he worked so hard to provide and his hard earned finances are still providing for his family.
2) I really just wish a close loved one would stuff a stocking of goodies for me.
My husband always did that so thoughtfully and I miss that, but I guess I’m too stubborn to just come right out and ask a loved one to do it for me because then it feels insincere, or forced.
3) One of the hardest things about Christmas shopping is seeing all the things that would be perfect for my husband that I can’t buy him and see him enjoy anymore.
I picked up a men’s Christmas sweater to buy for my father and on came the tears. Another reminder of something I can no longer do for my sweetie. Same with the coca-cola and shortbread cookies I can’t give him on Christmas Eve or the awesome Star Wars stuff I can’t wrap for under the tree.
4) I eat sweets when I’m sad or stressed.
This time of year there is no shortage of stress or sorrow or sweets. I guess they call that “eating your feelings.” At Christmas time emotional eating is oh so delicious, ha ha, but I admit that I look forward to January for starting a fresh year hopefully with a healthier household menu.
5) Sometimes if certain people send me photo cards of their seemingly perfect families without a personal note to my family……. I throw the cards away.
I know it is not my most shining moment, but if the card has absolutely no personal note or gesture of good cheer and is just pictures of those who seem to “have it all going for them,” then out it goes. I don’t need anymore triggers kicking around the house.
Please Note: Just a thought for all of you greeting card senders, a handwritten sentence like “thinking of you this holiday season.” or “Praying for you.” or “Merry Christmas to you and your children” doesn’t take long to write and goes a long way to convey your personal care.
6) There are some Christmas movies I just don’t want to watch anymore.
We used to have date nights and I miss my couch snuggle buddy so badly. Our black Friday tradition of watching Elf and laughing at all the goofy parts while putting up the Christmas tree was discontinued as well.
7) I am 100% on board with Christmas being all about Christ’s birth, but being in church this time of year without him is incredibly difficult.
8) I light a candle the funeral home game me in his memory each Christmas but it makes me feel nauseous every time.
Just the thought of digging it out triggers those trauma memories of a sudden unexpected ER passing and a funeral home viewing just two days later where the funeral home director handed me the candle. I still want to light it though. I guess it is because it feels like that is how I can include him in the day in some way since we so badly long for his presence. That moment of blowing out the candle is a strangely sorrowful moment as well. The light of his earthly life was snuffed out far too soon in my opinion.
9) There is no more fancy Christmas morning breakfast at our home.
My husband was famous for his delicious full IHOP rivaling breakfast spread each and every Christmas morning. He took great pride and joy in cooking delicious foods for his loved ones and he really enjoyed his special role in Christmas day. He was a devoted family man through and through, Traditions, togetherness and memories were so important to him. I know any attempt I make to duplicate his delicious Christmas morning breakfast will fail by comparison.
10) I still make my kiddos wear matching PJs on Christmas Eve just like he and I did, but I wish I could at least send texts to heaven.
Despite my oldest son’s complaints, I still request he wear his festive pajamas at least for a photo. I think about how adorable they look, snap a photo and next comes the sorrow. Their Daddy can’t be here. He can’t see them. He loved every moment he could be with them and see them grow. I can’t even send this cute photo to him. They look a year older and he has missed another year in their growth.
Do you have any Christmas confession this year?
Feel free to share them with us.
I hope you are able to have a Christmas of peace and comfort with the warmth of good memories this year.
In Hope & Prayers,
From This Widow Mama
About Dorothy Swanson
Dorothy lost her beloved husband Oct 2021 to a very unexpected bacterial pneumonia that quickly became septic shock. Her other half and best friend was born with a serious congenital heart defect. Because of that, she had always feared the possibility of being a widow, but she thought it would be more likely due to his heart, and more likely when her husband was in his 50s after the children were grown. Instead, he graduated to heaven just one week before turning 34. Dorothy was 36 with young sons ages 5 and 16 months who adored their Daddy. In less than 48 hours, the life Dorothy and her beloved husband so carefully built together shattered. They were blessed to share just over 8 wonderful, joyous and fun years of marriage. While her heart is so thankful to God for having had their journey together, she has struggled since his death with feeling hurt and let down by God. She has felt so devastated that their love story was short and ended so abruptly. Join her as she shares her unfolding journey of grasping to faith in Christ as she journeys through love, loss, single parenthood, honoring her husband's legacy and guiding her sons through their grief and life without Daddy.
I really relate to what you wrote. My husband and I were seniors (only married two years) with no kids. He always spoiled me rotten. He made a traditional cake for Christmas each year. We had a lovely time every year I knew him (12). I was so happy to spend any time with him at all, doing anything. I lit up like the Christmas tree lights when he was around. Now I get no presents at all, I spend Christmas alone and next year I don’t know if I’ll even put up a tree. He’s been gone six years and I did for the last three but I bought all new ornaments that have little to do with him or my memories with him–I can’t bear it. I am thinking of going away to an inn or something every Christmas now just to get it over somewhere that has nothing remotely to do with our life together. (My husband died from mental illness, and it’s been difficult for me to have any good memories anymore without them being tainted with questions/regrets.) Anyway, if you were near I’d give you a hug and we could do a holiday lunch together . . . .
aww, well I send a hug right back and holiday lunches are wonderful, :). I am so sorry for all you are dealing with regarding the death by mental illness, questions, regrets etc. I will be keeping you in my prayers. I can completely relate to that joy of lighting up like a Christmas tree when around him. It sounds like you had a sweet and precious love story together.
When I get the generic annual Christmas letter of how great their lives were- I never read it – I always throw it away.
When I send cards I ALWAYS include a short note- asking how they are doing- and send the out love.
It is terribly disappointing to me to open a card that’s just signed –
When I get the generic annual Christmas letter of how great their lives were- I never read it – I always throw it away.
When I send cards I ALWAYS include a short note- asking how they are doing- and send the out love.
It is terribly disappointing to me to open a card that’s just signed –
Merry Christmas! Thank you for this list. It makes me feel less alone on Christmas…and today (Christmas Eve) is my birthday. It’s our 5th Christmas without my husband and in some ways, it’s still horribly difficult. Confession: I was pretty proud of myself for getting Christmas cards in the mail yesterday for the first time in 5 years. I was never super organized and grief has made it worse. My daughter and I raced to the post office 10 minutes before they closed for the holidays. My cards had a photo of my kids with no personalized note because that was the best I could do. My advice is to keep all the cards and be thankful people send them, no matter how they look. ❤️ (You can throw the calendars from businesses you’ve never heard of out. LOL)
Peace and blessings to you and your family.
Yea, I agree with what Sue said about a little note or gift to help me know I am not forgotten . I am very thankful for Jesus’ birth but with my sweet husband and our only child in Heaven it’s really tough.
Pam … I’m so sorry for your losses. I’m crying as I write this, but I wish I could give you a hug.
#5 Right On! Cards that were only signed with a name have always bugged me. But I’m with you, a quick note acknowledging my individual situation is necessary, or it goes straight into the trash.
On the vein of #2. I dream of someone knocking on the door sometime on Christmas with a flower, small gift, or song. Just to know I’m thought of!
Sue, I can’t even “people” right now but I would love it if I could put your favorite flower and a nice little note on your doorstep before scurrying back to my only safe space: my bed. Sending prayers.