Finding our rendezvous with the restart of our life since the death of our husband can take a long time. Restarting our life after such a devastating loss is a process. We need time to process our feelings, emotions, and all the practical considerations of finances, surviving family members, will and estate details, and possessions. There may be other considerations if there are health issues, children, and/or job obligations. It takes time, healing, and lots of effort to even get to the place where we could be ready to attempt a restart.

The journey through grief winds through paths and trails we generally tend to avoid. None of us want to navigate pain, sorrow, and endless turmoil. We prefer a path of comfort and prosperity.  Our hearts tend to focus on short-term vision. Today’s society emphasizes immediate gratification and centers on the many everyday conveniences we’ve become so attached to and used to.

It’s also true we need to allow ourselves the right and time to slow down enough to begin the grieving process. We are not ourselves when we go through this kind of loss. We must process all the implications it has on our life. This process is very unique and individual to every person. How long this takes for you is up to you and will take as long or as short as you need it to take. Be kind enough to yourself to spend the amount of time you need.

Life can’t always be sunshine and roses. At some point most of us find ourselves headed somewhere we would never choose. Once on that path, we are always faced with a choice. We can choose to grumble and complain, frantically search for a way out, or face the situation with courage and ask God to help us make our way through the pain and confusion.

Undesirable paths, unexpected curves, unlit stretches, and life-changing directions are all too common on the journey through grief. It makes me think of the The Wizard of Oz when Dorothy and her friends were walking through the enchanted forest. They were full of fear. They didn’t know what to expect. They were searching for a way to get somewhere that promised to give them what they were looking for or needing so they could move forward with their lives and be in a happier place.

We’re all looking for that elusive “something.” We give it names we can identify with and picture in our minds. Some are looking for courage like the cowardly lion. We feel timid and weak. We are easily flustered and have difficulty making decisions.

How many of us in this walk through grief said I wish I had a brain? The fog that comes with grief makes us feel like we can’t think clearly and remember even the most basic things we took for granted when we had our husband at our side. We have trouble distinguishing the possible options and without enough information it is so hard to make clear decisions.

The tin man was looking for a heart and Dorothy was looking to get home. The tin man, in reality, had a deeper understanding of what it was to really love than most people do because it was such a deep desire of his heart. He just needed to see it for himself. Dorothy, like many widows, wanted to get back to that place where things were “normal.” She missed the people in her life she loved. We miss our husband. She missed the familiar routine and all it encompassed. Even though she embarked on her adventure thinking she could escape what she perceived to be great trouble, she discovered in the dream the real value of her family and home that was big enough to help her fight the fear she had and protect not only her but her little dog as well.

YAHWEH will always guide you where to go and what to do. He will fill you with refreshment even when you are in a dry, difficult place. He will continually restore strength to you, so you will flourish like a well-watered garden and like an ever-flowing, trustworthy spring of blessing.
Isaiah 58: 11 TPT

 

How many of us are struggling to find that comforting and familiar place we called home with our husband at our side? It’s no wonder our life feels so upside down and inside out now. We can’t wake up tomorrow and discover this was just a dream. We must take steps to move forward and rendezvous with a fresh restart of our lives that can’t be and won’t be the same as it was before. Our husband can’t come back, and we must find a way to make a new life for ourselves now.

I know this is so much easier said than done. I too keep struggling to find that elusive new future I still endeavor to adequately describe. My heart and life with my husband was so happy. I never wanted it to end.

I’m realizing as I keep battling with this, I am in the process of detangling the hopes and dreams I had with the hopes and dreams he had. Our lives were so blended after we married and became one in our goals and plans. We got so good at compromising and blending our needs and desires it became more and more impossible to distinguish what came from him and what came from me. Our desire was to love each other so much we were always looking to give more than we take.

Now I need to change that very fundamental way I have been thinking for most of my life. He is no longer here to consider, and I find it very hard to determine what I really want. It is foreign to me because I became so adept at putting his desires first.

I hear the Lord saying, “I will stay close to you, instructing and guiding you along the pathway for your life. I will advise you along the way and lead you forth with My eyes as your guide. So don’t make it difficult; don’t be stubborn when I take you where you’ve not been before. Don’t make Me tug you and pull you along. Just come with Me!”
Psalm 32: 8-9 TPT

 

God is showing me, as I am faced with moving again, if I will put it in His hands and hear what He has to say, He will lead and guide me in the way I need to go. I really wanted my next move to finally bring me to a place where I would feel settled again and plan to remain long term. It doesn’t seem like this is going to happen yet. I find myself again looking for a place where I will feel safe, but the options I am finding that I can afford are not meeting that concept I have that would let them feel like I am finally  home.

As I sought to learn how to hear from God, it became increasingly evident we must simply believe He is leading and guiding us supernaturally. We ask Him to guide our steps and believe by faith He is doing what we ask of Him. This passage from Psalm 119 is very comforting and reassuring. It sounds just like it was written from the heart of a widow.

Truth’s shining light guides me in my choices and decisions; the revelation of Your Word makes my pathway clear.
To live my life by Your righteous rules has been my holy and lifelong commitment.
I’m bruised and broken, overwhelmed by it all; breathe life into me again by Your living word.
Lord, receive my grateful thanks and teach me more of how to please You.  
Even though my life hangs in the balance, I’ll keep following what You’ve taught me, no matter what.
The ungodly have done their best to throw me off track, but I’ll not deviate from what You’ve told me to do.
Everything You speak to me is like joyous treasure, filling my life with gladness.
I determined in my heart to obey whatever You say, fully and forever!
Psalm 119:105-112 TPT

Sometimes God will speak something specific to my heart. It might come through a song I hear or something someone says to me. Sometimes it comes from a passage of the Scriptures I read. I pray about my day and then go about it in faith. Maybe nothing will occur that day that seems supernatural, but I know in my heart and trust God kept me safe and following the right path.

I strongly encourage you to pray—ask for God’s guidance and leadership. Spend time every day reading His Word, even if it is just a chapter or just a verse. A relationship with God means we not only hear Him and get the gifts He wants to give us each day, but we also do our part by taking time to spend with Him in His Word. We can ask Him to speak to us. He wants to. We need to be sure we stop long enough to listen to what He is saying. Continue to say throughout the day, “I believe I am being guided by God today and every day.” The more you practice this, the more comfortable you will be doing it and the more you will find yourself hear God’s voice and see God’s hand directing and guiding you.

We have the same Spirit of faith described in the Scriptures when it says, “First I believed, then I spoke in faith.” So we also first believe then speak in faith. We do this because we are convinced He who raised Jesus will raise us up with Him, and together we will all be brought into His presence. Yes, all things work for your enrichment so more of God’s marvelous grace will spread to more and more people, resulting in an even greater increase of praise to God, bringing Him even more glory!
So no wonder we don’t give up. For even though our outer person gradually wears out, our inner being is renewed every single day. We view our slight, short-lived troubles in the light of eternity. We see our difficulties as the substance that produces for us an eternal, weighty glory far beyond all comparison, because we don’t focus our attention on what is seen but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but the unseen realm is eternal.
2 Corinthians 4: 13-18 TPT

Following Christ sometimes leads us on a path containing treasures we won’t find anywhere else. We didn’t ask for the loss of our husband. We don’t ask for the troubles and heartaches this life brings to all of us at some point.

When we give it all, the good, the bad and the ugly, to God and trust Him to carry us through every day, we will not just survive…we can thrive. Our life here on earth is just the beginning of our journey to destiny. When life brings us to a rendezvous with a restart, God is standing right with us to encourage us and show us the best way to navigate the obstacle course. Allowing Him to guide us and trusting Him helps us by teaching us important lessons that will make future changes we make less frightening. We will also be equipped to share our hard earned knowledge to help others we meet who may be facing their own rendezvous with restart.

God paves a winding path to glory, sometimes crossing bridges to protect us from troubles and heartaches, and other times taking us right through the rapids of raging rivers to demonstrate to us firsthand His ability to care for us no matter what life brings. Our path is leading us to a secure and imperishable inheritance in the presence of God. Though many paths of suffering are long, confusing, and painful, it’s in this very place of loss our eyes can see the previously hidden glorious treasures of Christ. Paul teaches us in Romans 5 what these treasures are.

But that’s not all! Even in times of trouble we have a joyful confidence, knowing our pressures will develop in us patient endurance. And patient endurance will refine our character, and proven character leads us back to hope. And this hope is not a disappointing fantasy, because we can now experience the endless love of God cascading into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who lives in us!
Romans 5: 3-5 TPT

When you believe in the unfailing love of God for you, your tears fall at the foot of the cross. You can trust God will lead you step by step to His ultimate glory. God’s grace allows us to be confident we are not here by some cruel twist of fate. Christ chose each of us as His own and gives us faith to believe the truth of the gospel. Christ promises to equip us with everything we need and to be near to us, no matter how it feels for the moment.

As you rendezvous with the restart of your life, I encourage you to keep your eyes fixed on Christ. Be confident there are unimaginable treasures in store for us on this winding road to glory. Remember to thank God for all He does each day to help and encourage us along the way. Count your blessings. It helps you see how reliable and loving our God truly is. God bless you.

Trust in the Lord completely, and do not rely on your own opinions. With all your heart rely on Him to guide you, and He will lead you in every decision you make. Become intimate with Him in whatever you do, and He will lead you wherever you go.
Proverbs 3: 5-6 TPT

 

About 

Teri’s dance with grief actually began over five years before she watched her beloved husband of almost 37 years take his last breath and enter Heaven’s door on October 6, 2019. A terminal degenerative neurological disease steadily and increasingly attacked nearly every major system of his body and transformed him from a vibrant, brilliant, strong and caring man to a bedfast invalid at the end. She was devoted to caring for him and doing her best to make the most of every minute they had left, to love him and pray for a miracle.

She thought she knew what her future held, but she had no idea. Losing him was the first time she experienced a close and personal loss. He was the love of her life. The onslaught of the pandemic with its reign of fear-mongering, forced isolation and separation entering the scene and disrupting or destroying whatever sense of “normal” that remained, just added insult to injury.

Her faith in God is the sustaining force keeping her fighting spirit to find and share hope in a bright future. Her heart’s desire is to walk beside her fellow widows toward a path of promise and healing. She wants to offer encouragement and hope so others can find the strength to take that next breath or next step. She recently started her own blog, https://widowwhispers.blogspot.com/, to share with other widows not only the struggles and hardships of widowhood, but the triumphs. Her hope is found in leaning on the Lord Jesus to enjoy a God inspired future anchored in expectation He will bring us to a fulfilling and meaningful life.

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Teri Miner

Teri’s dance with grief actually began over five years before she watched her beloved husband of almost 37 years take his last breath and enter Heaven’s door on October 6, 2019. A terminal degenerative neurological disease steadily and increasingly attacked nearly every major system of his body and transformed him from a vibrant, brilliant, strong and caring man to a bedfast invalid at the end. She was devoted to caring for him and doing her best to make the most of every minute they had left, to love him and pray for a miracle. She thought she knew what her future held, but she had no idea. Losing him was the first time she experienced a close and personal loss. He was the love of her life. The onslaught of the pandemic with its reign of fear-mongering, forced isolation and separation entering the scene and disrupting or destroying whatever sense of “normal” that remained, just added insult to injury. Her faith in God is the sustaining force keeping her fighting spirit to find and share hope in a bright future. Her heart’s desire is to walk beside her fellow widows toward a path of promise and healing. She wants to offer encouragement and hope so others can find the strength to take that next breath or next step. She recently started her own blog, https://widowwhispers.blogspot.com/, to share with other widows not only the struggles and hardships of widowhood, but the triumphs. Her hope is found in leaning on the Lord Jesus to enjoy a God inspired future anchored in expectation He will bring us to a fulfilling and meaningful life.

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