One of the things I hate about grief is how relentless it can be. I’ve learned so much in the four and half years my husband is a resident of Heaven instead of here with me. God keeps sustaining me in my shortcomings and weakness. He is constantly teaching me about His love, mercy, and how to build my relationship with Him, His Son Jesus, and Holy Spirit. Still… grief keeps coming knocking and tries to derail my progress, steal my joy, and do anything possible to get my eyes off God and make me want to give up.
In just a few days it will once again be my husband’s birthday. My heart aches with a loneliness only other widows might fully comprehend. There are joyful memories of past celebrations I want my heart to rejoice in. There are tender and complicated recollections of those final get togethers on special days when the disease was assaulting his body and mind where no matter how hard I tried to make the most of the time by gathering family and friends and create a canvas where festivity brought laughter and nurtured hope… that horrible debilitating and relentless disease still raged and forced its presence to be noticed.
Finding true healing through grief is a process. Accepting griefs relentless attacks in both big and bold displays when our emotions erupt out of control with seemingly little provocation, to the very trying smaller intrusions of deep sadness and when our strength and energy is just sucked out of us no matter how hard we work to keep balance in our diet and get the rest we need, is not something we want to do. We are all looking for a final solution that will rid us of this nagging interference we are sick and tired of dealing with. We want to find and start living in a future where grief is no longer a part, like when we remove the weeds from our garden.
It’s often easy to feel overwhelmed and uncertain about the future when we are in the middle of life’s most daunting challenges. Widows are forced to create a whole new life after her husband is gone. We can’t allow our own past to hold our future hostage. The hard parts of life are just part of our story. There are still beautiful things to come.
I read about how Charlie Brown got Snoopy this week and maybe it can give us something to think about. According to the story, Snoopy was originally another little girl’s dog. Her family returned Snoopy to the puppy farm because their apartment doesn’t allow dogs. Charlie Brown now takes Snoopy for his own. His friend Linus tells him he got a used dog. Charlie Brown could let this change his mind about Snoopy, but instead he decided to keep him and be a part of his family. Think of all the adventures, stories and love we all shared because of this duo and gang of friends.
As widows, we had a life we loved and crafted around our husband. That intimate relationship gave us so many gifts we miss terribly. We can’t let the good memories we had, the special times we shared, and the friendship we treasured that is now gone, spoil the future God holds before us.
We might feel like we’re barely holding on sometimes. Life and the grief we feel has its hands around our neck a lot of the time and we struggle to breathe and keep going. We must remember there are beautiful things to come. New adventures, sweeter days, and kinder seasons are on our horizon if we don’t give up. Our story isn’t over yet.
As I prayed this week about what I should share, the word relentless kept coming to mind as this relentless grief shrouds me. I told the Lord I don’t want to admit how relentless grief is because I want to conquer it and give testimony to other widows struggling with their own grief that it doesn’t have to be relentless. I want to tell them there is hope and an end to the pain and sorrow. I want them to know the hope and future You promise in Jeremiah 29: 11-14 means grief must be vulnerable and submit to Your power.
God answered me by telling me to remind you of His relentless love and grace. God’s love is constant, consistent, and steadfast. Despite our continued flaws, sin, and tendency to become distant from Him, God’s love is always working to draw us closer back to Him. The world tries to make giving and receiving love conditional and fleeting. God’s love is stable, healing, comforting, and a source of refuge.
Vine’s Concise Dictionary of the Bible defines God’s love for us as an exercise of the divine will in deliberate choice, made without assignable cause save that which lies in the nature of God Himself. That means God purposely chooses to love us because His own divine nature is love. It references Deuteronomy 7: 7-9 NLT:
The LORD did not set His heart on you and choose you because you were more numerous than other nations, for you were the smallest of all nations! Rather, it was simply that the LORD loves you, and He was keeping the oath He had sworn to your ancestors. That is why the LORD rescued you with such a strong hand from your slavery and from the oppressive hand of Pharaoh, king of Egypt.
Understand, therefore, the LORD your God is indeed God. He is the faithful God who keeps His covenant for a thousand generations and lavishes His unfailing love on those who love Him and obey His commands.
Psalm 136 gives us such an impressive expression of God’s continuing and relentless love to each and every one of us. I especially like it in The Passion Translation. I encourage you to meditate on this Psalm and let what God is telling us really sink in. Here is just the last few verses:
He’s the God who chose us when we were nothing!
His tender love for us continues on forever!
He rescued us from the power of our enemies!
His tender love for us continues on forever!
He provides food for hungry men and animals!
His tender love for us continues on forever!
Give thanks to the great God of the heavens!
His tender love for us continues on forever!
Psalm 136: 23-26 TPT
God wants us to know He give us relentless grace. What is the grace of God? Simply put, it is God’s favor and kindness toward us. God rains down grace on all mankind. He gives us the beauty and wonders of nature we see all around us. He often brings us the right thing just in time. God loves us so much He gives everyone born on the earth the benefit f His grace.
Vine’s Concise Dictionary of the Bible defines God’s grace as divine favor, with a stress on its freeness and universality, its spontaneous character, as in the case of God’s redemptive mercy, and the pleasure or joy He designs for the recipient. This expresses to me a relentless or uncompromising promise God longs to pour aspects of His divine love to transform the hard things we face in this life to bring us back to a firm foundation where we can experience healing and happiness in our daily lives.
God gives us the glorious chance to begin again every morning. If I made mistakes yesterday, I can start over with a clean slate. Every new day, hour, and breath is a chance for me to act better and display more of the fruit of the Spirit. His presence is within me so I always have new opportunities to think and do better. The fruit, or evidence we are letting Holy Spirit transform our lives, is defined for us in Galatians 5: 22-23.
But the fruit produced by the Holy Spirit within you is divine love in all its varied expressions: joy that overflows, peace that subdues, patience that endures, kindness in action, a life full of virtue, faith that prevails, gentleness of heart, and strength of spirit. Never set the law above these qualities, for they are meant to be limitless.
Galatians 5: 22-23 TPT
We can take as much time as we need to battle the grief that comes with such a difficult loss. We can take however much time we find necessary to craft our personal statement of faith. When I remember to purposely invite God to be with me in my struggles, He is relentlessly, unwaveringly, and steadfastly faithful to meet me where I am and help me take that next breath, next step, or next move. I can’t do it without God’s help.
When the moments, triggers, and special days come calling and carry with them the reminder of profound and heartfelt sadness for who is missing, we can choose to instead find an intense peace by lifting our eyes to God and asking Him to help us. It’s a reminder when even in our fiercest battles, we are not alone. God is the same yesterday, today and forever.
He said, “Listen, all you people of Judah and Jerusalem! Listen, King Jehoshaphat! This is what the LORD says: Do not be afraid! Don’t be discouraged by this mighty army, for the battle is not yours, but God’s.
2 Chronicles 20: 15 NLT
The Bible assures us the battle is not ours… it is God’s! He is the ultimate victor over anything and everything the enemy of our soul attempts to bring. It may not always look like He’s winning. I feel like four and a half years is long enough to keep finding myself falling prey to the grief. My heart gets discouraged. It would be easy to let disappointment or complacency take over. Thank goodness the Lord gives us reminders in His word of His faithfulness… no matter how long the battle rages on.
A changed heart focused on living life to glorify God, even in the midst of sorrow and loss, can experience real hope and joy. We lift our eyes to Him, not just in times of trouble but in every season of life. As we see God’s hand at work, we can praise Him for His mighty deeds and trust Him to bring about our victory. In Him, we find courage, strength, and the assurance that nothing is impossible when we place our trust in the One who reigns supreme over all. His grace and love are sufficient to meet every need we have.
But He answered me, “My grace is always more than enough for you, and My power finds its full expression through your weakness.” So I will celebrate my weaknesses, for when I’m weak I sense more deeply the mighty power of Christ living in me. So I’m not defeated by my weakness, but delighted! For when I feel my weakness and endure mistreatment—when I’m surrounded with troubles on every side and face persecution because of my love for Christ—I am made yet stronger. For my weakness becomes a portal to God’s power.
2 Corinthians 12: 9-10 TPT
We must celebrate every effort to start fresh and change for the better. This day coming that seeks to open old wounds in my heart as I think of my beloved husband, I choose to give to God right now. God will bless our best efforts, our life story. No matter how this journey through grief began, or how it’s going right now – with God’s relentless love and grace, He will empower us to climb every mountain, forge every stream and follow every rainbow until we find our dream.
Yes, God is more than ready to overwhelm you with every form of grace, so you will have more than enough of everything—every moment and in every way. He will make you overflow with abundance in every good thing you do.
2 Corinthians 9: 8 TPT
May God’s relentless love and grace continue to pursue and empower you as you meet each new challenge on your journey. May each widow who reads this feel God’s comforting embrace and be strengthened in her hope today. May we all be encouraged in our journey and choose to thank God for all He does for us each step of the way. God bless you.
About Teri Miner
Teri’s dance with grief actually began over five years before she watched her beloved husband of almost 37 years take his last breath and enter Heaven’s door on October 6, 2019. A terminal degenerative neurological disease steadily and increasingly attacked nearly every major system of his body and transformed him from a vibrant, brilliant, strong and caring man to a bedfast invalid at the end. She was devoted to caring for him and doing her best to make the most of every minute they had left, to love him and pray for a miracle.
She thought she knew what her future held, but she had no idea. Losing him was the first time she experienced a close and personal loss. He was the love of her life. The onslaught of the pandemic with its reign of fear-mongering, forced isolation and separation entering the scene and disrupting or destroying whatever sense of “normal” that remained, just added insult to injury.
Her faith in God is the sustaining force keeping her fighting spirit to find and share hope in a bright future. Her heart’s desire is to walk beside her fellow widows toward a path of promise and healing. She wants to offer encouragement and hope so others can find the strength to take that next breath or next step. She recently started her own blog, https://widowwhispers.blogspot.com/, to share with other widows not only the struggles and hardships of widowhood, but the triumphs. Her hope is found in leaning on the Lord Jesus to enjoy a God inspired future anchored in expectation He will bring us to a fulfilling and meaningful life.
Much love to you on your husband’s upcoming birthday! Thank you for sharing this. It’s two years since my husband passed away and life has changed in every way for my kids and me. We are still in survival mode. Needing His presence and direction for a home, and how to rebuild everything.🙏
Thank you for taking the time to respond and for your kind remarks. A few of my friends came alongside me on my husband’s birthday and just helped me feel less alone. God is so faithful.
May God give you clear direction to find the home He has for you and your family. May you be surrounded by caring people who will rally to offer your family every kind of support you need as you continue through this transition. May your heart feel God’s comforting hand as He brings healing and leads you in the way you need to go. God bless you.