10 Unexpected Things Grief Has Taught Me.
1) People say surprisingly hurtful things to grieving people, even those closest to you. Many will never apologize because they don’t even realize they offended you.
2) You may have been compassionate before your loss, but your heart will become incredibly more sensitive to the pain of others.
3) It never really gets better, it just gets different. You learn to grow a little around it but it can never really be removed. You learn to carry it. The weight may shift, but daunting as it often sounds, you will never ever be totally free of grief for the rest of your life.
4) Faith in the face of a major loss is not a feeling. It is choosing to keep moving forward, doing the things you know God wants you to do when every part of you is screaming to the contrary and wants to give up.
5) Time is now marked by grief anniversaries. The calendar seems to center around surviving another year of grief. There was time “BC” “before the catastrophe”, but now we forever live in the “AD” “after devastation” which has permanently changed life as we knew it.
6) Sometimes your worst fear really does come true. A sad reality widows know all too well.
7) Even though you didn’t die physically, there are times when you may feel like you died too, on the inside.
8) Just because you are a strong Christian before your husband’s death doesn’t mean you will immediately feel the peace of God after. Not everyone has the instant “all I really need is Jesus” type of response to a traumatic major loss, and that is OK. God is patient with us as we work through our feelings and are honest with him.
9) Grief and gratitude go hand in hand. I grieve because I lost the daily reality of something that I cherished and was incredibly grateful for. So it is very possible to be miserably sad, depressed and broken at the same time as feeling thankful for the good and the blessings of life. People are too quick to assume that because you are feeling a sense of deep pain and hopelessness, then you must not really appreciate what you had or still have.
10) Sometimes people offer the type of help that you really don’t want and sometimes people don’t offer the kind of help you really need. A church deacon may tell you to call if you need something broken repaired in the house when really what you’re praying for is for a Godly mentor to invest just a couple hours a month in encouraging your sons. A meal may be dropped off when what you really long for is to be welcomed into someone’s home. Someone may ask you if you need money when all you really long for is for someone to just sit and listen to your heart and really genuinely care about what you have to say.
What unexpected things has grief taught you?
In Hope & Prayers,
From This Widow Mama
Image used courtesy of www.canva.com
About Dorothy Swanson
Dorothy lost her beloved husband Oct 2021 to a very unexpected bacterial pneumonia that quickly became septic shock. Her other half and best friend was born with a serious congenital heart defect. Because of that, she had always feared the possibility of being a widow, but she thought it would be more likely due to his heart, and more likely when her husband was in his 50s after the children were grown. Instead, he graduated to heaven just one week before turning 34. Dorothy was 36 with young sons ages 5 and 16 months who adored their Daddy. In less than 48 hours, the life Dorothy and her beloved husband so carefully built together shattered. They were blessed to share just over 8 wonderful, joyous and fun years of marriage. While her heart is so thankful to God for having had their journey together, she has struggled since his death with feeling hurt and let down by God. She has felt so devastated that their love story was short and ended so abruptly. Join her as she shares her unfolding journey of grasping to faith in Christ as she journeys through love, loss, single parenthood, honoring her husband's legacy and guiding her sons through their grief and life without Daddy.