Ignore the Rumor Mill
When I sold my Maryland house and moved to Alabama, opinions and judgements landed on my doorstep within days. I expected less “shake my head” mentalities. I expected people to understand that I was making the wisest decision possible, considering my circumstances. I expected people to believe in me. So – I guess we are both disappointed.
Keep Going
At five years, five months, and twenty days in, I had finally stopped widowing by the expectations and standards of others. I had finally grasped this grief journey enough to visualize a path forward that worked for me – and while I knew it would bring “concerns” and even braced myself for the disapproving comments – it still stung like public humiliation and betrayal to hear them.
Despite believing in myself, I felt more alone in the first few months after moving to Alabama than I did in the months after Jay died. So, to all my widow friends making decisions that others disagree with, know this: It will hurt for a minute. Keep going.
Stay Focused
Even if it requires temporarily cutting off communication with certain people, keep working towards the goals you’ve set for yourself. When others doubt your path and abilities, understand that their words are telling you more about them, not you. They don’t hold the same tenacity as you, the same resilience, the same confidence, or the same willingness to accept that all payouts come with risks. You are stronger than they are. That’s all their doubt is really communicating.
Remember to Celebrate
Celebrate even your smallest successes, but only with those who will also celebrate. Our tiny moments of progress are important but extremely fragile. Avoid sharing with anyone who would diminish your steps forward. I share my little successes with a very small group of people, individuals I can trust to cheer me on in the midst of small beginnings, those who will celebrate without reminding me of all the odds stacked against me. You need people who will pump up your efforts, not deflate them.
Keep Trusting Your Vision
When you realize what navigating widowhood looks like for you, trust it. Understand that this journey is unique and will look different for each widow, and believe what your lived experience has taught you.
Over the last four months, I have shifted my entire view of success. My perspective of “thriving” has changed. Am I thriving? I am, but not the way you expected me to, not in a way that meets your standards, and I’m okay with that. I’m up to something, that’s for sure, and it doesn’t look like much to most. But I finally know what I’m doing. I’m finally widowing on my terms, and I’m finally moving towards goals I can actually achieve. So I’m gonna keep going. I’m gonna believe in myself, keep my head down, and stop listening to people who have no idea what it means to be a widow.
If I can do this, so can you. Keep going.
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Support Widows This Holiday Season!
As we approach the holidays, the Hope for Widows Foundation is seeking sponsors for our annual Bring Hope Holiday Program. This initiative supports widows facing financial challenges, helping them provide gifts and essentials for their children during this special time of year.
Widows: If you are seeking support this holiday season, applications are open now through November 22 — we are here for you.
Sponsors: Want to make a difference? Become a sponsor and bring hope to a widow’s family this holiday season. Sponsor applications are open through December 12. Every contribution, big or small, helps spread joy and light.
To apply or to sign up as a sponsor, visit: https://linktr.ee/hopeforwidows
Let’s make this season brighter together!
About Sonney Wolfe
Sonney Wolfe is a writer, educator, mother, nona (grandma), and widow. She holds a Master of Arts in English, teaches academic and professional writing for the University of Maryland, and writes features, press releases, blog posts, and personal essays for various news and social media.
Widowed in December of 2019, she soon joined the masses in COVID lockdowns, which deepened her understanding of grief as she witnessed widespread loss, especially among students. Now, she integrates grief support in her college classrooms by addressing pandemic disruptions, community loss, and mental health challenges. Her autobiographical teaching philosophy, born from her own grief journey, provides a platform to share her experiences and support students who have also lost loved ones.
In her professional writing, she sheds light on the human experience of loss and grief, particularly for widows. She explores the complex societal shift they face, transitioning from wives to widows and often single parents. This sudden change forces widows to navigate not only grief, but also a landslide of challenges: income loss, economic strain, relocation, career shifts, altered healthcare needs, and declining mental health.
Her Blog WIM Dispatches (Woman in Motion), https://sonneywolfe.com, chronicles her personal grief journey and advocates for the needs of widows, along with her IG: @WIM_Dispatches – and Facebook page: WIM Dispatches Life After Jay.