Grief is a puzzle you and God complete together. The way each widow experiences the pain and brokenness that overtakes her life after her husband goes to heaven is as individual and unique as each person’s fingerprint. The grief that follows will unfold and change with no pattern, cycle or predictability. It will NEVER go away completely.
So many people are afraid to open up and tell God what is on their heart. They may have been taught God is a God of judgement and wrath. They may think God is too busy to hear their concerns… after all there are so many others in the world with bigger problems. They may believe they need to do something to earn God’s approval before He will answer their prayers. They may have experienced deep pain from people of influence in their lives who said they are Christians or Believers and made the decision if that is what following or loving God is… they want no part of it. Some may not even know there is a God in Heaven they can turn to who loves them.
The devil will use any tactic he can to draw us away from God. He’s a liar and an accuser. The accuser comes to sow doubt, and twist truth to create confusion. God is not the source and author of pain, hate, or brokenness of any kind. When sin entered the world, so did death. Do not let the enemy torment you. If God is for us, who can be against us? No one will stand against my God!
So, what does all this mean? If God determined to stand with us, tell me, who then could ever stand against us? For God proved His love by giving us His greatest treasure, the gift of His Son. And since God freely offered Him up as the sacrifice for us all, He certainly won’t withhold from us anything else He has to give. Romans 8: 31-32
God Welcomes Us
God bids us to come to Him and seek Him. He welcomes our questions. He understands our emotions. He’s big enough to take on any challenge we are facing. This is a truth my husband shared often. He always encouraged me to take the hard and seemingly unfair situations to God. He said God is bigger than anything I have on my heart.
We need to be honest with our self first. Then we can be honest with God. We can pour out the pain and emotions trapped inside and let them free. God is big enough to handle anything we throw at Him. He is our loving Dad. Even if it seems like we are throwing a temper tantrum like a two-year old, He lets us do it. Once all the chaos that was trapped inside is let loose, we will feel better and start to heal. We are free to accept His love and healing. We make room for Him. We discover new strength to see a bigger piece of the picture and find new perspective. We have a window through the pain to see our God who loves us. God meets us where we are, takes our hand, and helps us take the next step forward. He wraps us in His love. It gives us the courage to pursue Him more.
How do we find a balance in being honest and real about how much our heart hurts because
- we miss having our husband here with us
- the ache and longing in our inside feels overwhelming
- all the changes we must face without our husband’s help now?
How do we still believe God is good
- He loves us
- He is in control
- we WILL make it through this?
Jesus sent us the comforter, the Holy Spirit, to help us navigate the trials and struggles we all face in this earthly life. We must be willing to open our hearts and be honest with Him about what we are feeling and what we want. We need to believe He cares and will help. We need to give Him permission to take that pain away.
There is no scientific or other method to follow to get answers to life’s hard questions. God created us for relationship. Getting answers and trying to understand to some extent the whys, timings and reasons things happen like they do comes with a relational dynamic with our Heavenly Father. There are times we get an answer we can embrace and move forward with. There are times when no answer satisfies the pain and longing in our hearts. This is where that relationship… built on trust and believing God loves us no matter what… is enough. There are some things in this life on earth, tainted as it is by sin, that can not be reconciled. God didn’t cause it. God doesn’t want it any more than we do. God hurts with us. God promises us if we give it over to Him, He will help us keep going. He will take these things and bring good from it.
So we are convinced every detail of our lives is continually woven together for good, for we are His lovers who have been called to fulfill His designed purpose. For He knew all about us before we were born and He destined us from the beginning to share the likeness of His Son. Romans 8: 28-29
Faith tested in the trials and sorrows of this life is a fortified faith that learns to trust God no matter what. We all face problems larger than we are. The pain of grief combined with the uncertainties and struggles we encounter as widows is more than we can bear… that is, more than we can bear alone. Our loving Father God with His mighty power and infinite wisdom is not only bigger than these obstacles, He is ready and willing to reach down and help when we ask.
The Lord sees all we do; He watches over His friends day and night. His godly ones receive the answers they
seek whenever they cry out to Him. But the Lord made up His mind to oppose evildoers and to wipe out even the memory of them from the face of the earth. Yet when holy lovers of God cry out to Him with all their hearts, the Lord will hear them and come to rescue them from all their troubles. The Lord is close to all whose hearts are crushed by pain, and He is always ready to restore the repentant one. Even when bad things happen to the good and godly ones, the Lord will save them and not let them be defeated by what they face. God will be your bodyguard to protect you when trouble is near. Not one bone will be broken. Psalm 34: 15-20
The Lifeline of Faith
Your faith in God today is your lifeline to His heartbeat. Faith is your hand reaching up to take hold of God’s promises and gather in the spiritual treasures found in Christ. Faith sees the sunshine of God’s face, even when dark clouds loom all around.
I choose to give my Mighty God carte blanche over my life, unrestricted power to act in my life with unconditional authority. I choose to trust Him to know what is best for me. I believe He loves me, and all of us, so much He would never, ever do anything but guide and lead me on the best path possible. He will protect and empower me to keep serving Him and move steadily forward to fulfill the purpose He created me for.
Faith sees what your physical eyes can never see;
Faith knows what your natural mind can never comprehend;
Faith possesses what your physical arms can never hold;
Faith says “yes” to everything God declares to be true;
Faith stands upon everything God says is certain,
it leans upon everything God says is immovable,
and it counts upon everything God says will come to pass.
~ Corrie ten Boom
About Teri Miner
Teri’s dance with grief actually began over five years before she watched her beloved husband of almost 37 years take his last breath and enter Heaven’s door on October 6, 2019. A terminal degenerative neurological disease steadily and increasingly attacked nearly every major system of his body and transformed him from a vibrant, brilliant, strong and caring man to a bedfast invalid at the end. She was devoted to caring for him and doing her best to make the most of every minute they had left, to love him and pray for a miracle.
She thought she knew what her future held, but she had no idea. Losing him was the first time she experienced a close and personal loss. He was the love of her life. The onslaught of the pandemic with its reign of fear-mongering, forced isolation and separation entering the scene and disrupting or destroying whatever sense of “normal” that remained, just added insult to injury.
Her faith in God is the sustaining force keeping her fighting spirit to find and share hope in a bright future. Her heart’s desire is to walk beside her fellow widows toward a path of promise and healing. She wants to offer encouragement and hope so others can find the strength to take that next breath or next step. She recently started her own blog, https://widowwhispers.blogspot.com/, to share with other widows not only the struggles and hardships of widowhood, but the triumphs. Her hope is found in leaning on the Lord Jesus to enjoy a God inspired future anchored in expectation He will bring us to a fulfilling and meaningful life.
Grief is a puzzle. My husband passed away unexpectedly May 2, we met when I was 17 and so had just about 38 years together. We have a teen son and daughter. The three of us now facing grief and a whirlwind of change. Thank you for the inspiration and perspective you post, it is very helpful during this turbulent time.
I’m very sorry for your loss. Thank you for your kind words. There’s no road map to follow through grief. I found the following dialogue recently and I think it also gives some great insight and encouragement about how very much God loves us and understands our pain and all that comes with it. I pray it will inspire continued healing for you and your family.
Hey God. Hey John.
Me: Hey God.
God: Hey John.
Me: Grief keeps sneaking up on me.
God: That’s because grief is like a ninja.
Me: When will it leave me alone?
God: Hopefully never.
Me: Um. What?!
God: To grieve means that you have loved. Grieving is one of the truest human experiences that you will ever participate in. It often arrives without warning – like a late day summer storm – obscuring the sun and drenching you in a downpour. It’s a gift, isn’t it?
Me: Uh, no.
God: Grab a pen and write the following four things down:
1) Grief can come and go as it pleases. You gave it a key to your house at the exact moment you gave your heart to somebody else.
2) Bereavement is the debt you must pay for having loved. There is no getting over the loss of a beloved who is now resting in the arms of endless love. Grief has no expiration date. Despite the passing of time, the phantom pain of mourning is always one memory away from returning.
3) Of all the emotions you face, grief is the by-far stickiest. It gets all over everything. Like peanut butter, grief sticks to the roof of your soul.
4) grief Is like an afternoon thunderstorm in late July. It’s the storm that’s always waiting on the edges of your most sunny days to roll across the horizon and right over you. The ghosts of your loved ones who have died are the clouds. The webbed lightning illuminating the dark canvas sky is their reminder to you that life is just a brilliant temporary flash of time. It’s a reminder to live now. To be bold. To be electric. The pounding rain isn’t your tears. It’s the hope of eternal life that falls on you. It’s that downpour of hope that will help you grow deep roots in love and faith. The gale winds of these storms are the messages from those you have lost to death that are whispering to you through the pines the following psalm:
“It’s okay, my love. Eternity is holding me. Death isn’t an end. Death is a threshold. I’m still here. I never left. Love doesn’t die. Love doesn’t die. I remain. There is no afterlife. There is only life. I’m here with you. Love doesn’t die.”
Me: Okay…great…now I’m crying.
God: I’m proud of your tears of grief.
Me: You are?
God: Yes- because it’s proof that you have loved.
Me: Well, I’ve got all sorts of proof pouring down my face right now…
God: It’s all such an adventure!!
~ John Roedel. (johnroedel.com)