I’m Not As Strong As You Think
I’m not as strong as you think.
In fact, inside I always feel weak.
I can paste on a smile,
And a cheerful tone for a while.
I can act and play my part.
But inside I’m still nursing
Reviewing, and rehearsing
The wounds of my broken heart.
I’m not as strong as you think.
I can function each day.
There are bills to be paid.
Kids to raise, food to put on the table.
But just because I seem able
To get through the day
Doesn’t mean I’m emotionally stable.
With each passing thought
And all the things I must do
I bring him along.
He goes there too.
No matter the day,
No matter the place,
This great loss in my life
Cannot be erased.
I’m not as strong as you think.
So please don’t measure
The length of my pain.
No matter the years
Since I last held his hand,
My love for him will remain.
Before I was ready
I said goodbye.
How do you know how that feels?
When someone that close is
ripped out of your life,
the pain is truly unreal.
I’m not as strong as you think.
I face the insecure unknowns
I daily battle the fear
I carry the weight of the world
While my face is soaked with tears.
Though it feels hopeless,
I cannot give in.
So please be careful
How you judge and assume.
I must live a life
That I didn’t want to choose.
And you have never
walked in my shoes.
In Hope & Prayers,
From This Widow Mama
Do you know someone ready to make a meaningful impact this holiday season? Join us in embracing the true spirit of giving by getting involved in the Hope for Widows Foundation’s ‘Bring Hope Holiday Assistance Program’ virtual initiative, now in its third year. This program directly supports widows who may be struggling to provide gifts and essentials for their children during the holiday season.
For many widows facing financial challenges, the choice between keeping the lights on, putting food on the table, and buying presents can be heart-wrenching. When you add the responsibilities of solo parenting, the weight of grief, and the toll it takes emotionally and physically, the burden becomes even greater.
To become a sponsor and access more information, and details visit the following link: https://bit.ly/3ZROBWo
For our widows/hope sisters in the community, please stay tuned as we’ll be sending out widow applications for sponsorship this holiday season very soon.
Let’s come together and make a difference in the lives of those who need it most.
About Dorothy Swanson
Dorothy lost her beloved husband Oct 2021 to a very unexpected bacterial pneumonia that quickly became septic shock. Her other half and best friend was born with a serious congenital heart defect. Because of that, she had always feared the possibility of being a widow, but she thought it would be more likely due to his heart, and more likely when her husband was in his 50s after the children were grown. Instead, he graduated to heaven just one week before turning 34. Dorothy was 36 with young sons ages 5 and 16 months who adored their Daddy. In less than 48 hours, the life Dorothy and her beloved husband so carefully built together shattered. They were blessed to share just over 8 wonderful, joyous and fun years of marriage. While her heart is so thankful to God for having had their journey together, she has struggled since his death with feeling hurt and let down by God. She has felt so devastated that their love story was short and ended so abruptly. Join her as she shares her unfolding journey of grasping to faith in Christ as she journeys through love, loss, single parenthood, honoring her husband's legacy and guiding her sons through their grief and life without Daddy.
Gosh, this is beautiful and. True for me over 3 years later. Folks seem to think he never was and yet he’s always a quick heartbeat in my mind and actions. I wish this was shareable. Perhaps H4W’s will post in their social media.
My heart goes with you Dorothy.
Hi Ann. Your kind words are a sweet encouragement to me. I am glad you were touched by my poem. I love your description of your husband being a quick heartbeat in your mind and actions. So beautiful to love someone that much. I know hope for widows posts blogs on two Facebook as well as Instagram so I think it is shareable there.
God bless you and thanks again for your sweet comment.
Thank you for sharing. I feel the same, this resonates so much for me. He goes with me always. It’s 17 months and the reality of him being gone is fully felt every day. Life is forever changed for the kids and me.
Thank you for taking the time to comment. I am glad the poem resonated with you. The harsh reality of the loss is still fully felt for me as well. Two years in and the pain doesn’t seem to dull as much as I think I had imagined it would at this point. I am grateful for the gift of good memories we can carry in our hearts and minds. God bless you as you continue on this terribly difficult journey of grief.
My heart is with you.
Thank you and same to you :0)