Image from www.canva.com
I recently read a definition of widow-mom: A woman left alone due to the death of her husband, left to raise a child or children without their father. I know this is truth because it is my life, but it just sounds so depressing plainly stated this way. For many widow-moms, myself included, this is the time in life in which you feel like you have the absolute least amount of available resources in and of yourself and externally, yet the most is expected of you. You have nothing left to give emotionally, mentally and every fiber of you is being stretched to the max, and yet now all of a sudden twice as much responsibility has been thrust upon you. No more sharing of the work load, teaming up in parenting, decisions, finances, and life. No more 50/50 split. You may have carried an equal 50% before…. but now, wham…. you are up to 100% of the job in an instant and feeling most definitely in over your head and perhaps even drowning. In a heart beat. A very literal last beat of his heart makes its faint sound and then comes the earthquake. Life as we knew it collapses into rubble and dust and then we are assigned the task of building something sensible from the debris.
After about 3 ½ years of this rebuilding process, I can look at fortified structures that I am actually proud of because I, more than any other soul know just how difficult finding and creating any sense of new normal was and is for me in the midst of the most severe emotional pain I have ever experienced in my life. I remind myself that I deserve praise for not giving up on life. I remind myself just how much work I have put into raising my two precious little boys alone. I remind myself that I deserve to stand tall and proud of what I have overcome and the kind of person I am despite the hand I was dealt when it would have been easier to throw in the towel or to decide bitterness and anger should run the show instead of love and compassion.
Even though I have persevered and life is standing a bit more firmly on its own two feet again, there are still days when the grief waves attempt to undo me. There is still loneliness and longing. In fact I think the loneliness increases with the passing of time. It is hard to get used to single when you were so elated in your marriage and when you feel cheated out of wonderful years you should have had. I still miss being in love. And thankfully…. there is still God, who really never left, though at times I have felt mighty forsaken. I know deep down that the real reason I have been able to endure and face each new day and its challenges has been the strength He has given me to do something I could never have survived without Him. This widow life or widow-mama life is not for the faint of heart. We widows are made of tough stuff. We have had to be in order to endure and keep living.
Do you have a victory you can pat yourself on the back for today, no matter how small?
Feel free to share in the comments.
In Hope & Prayers,
From This Widow Mama
About Dorothy Swanson
Dorothy lost her beloved husband Oct 2021 to a very unexpected bacterial pneumonia that quickly became septic shock. Her other half and best friend was born with a serious congenital heart defect. Because of that, she had always feared the possibility of being a widow, but she thought it would be more likely due to his heart, and more likely when her husband was in his 50s after the children were grown. Instead, he graduated to heaven just one week before turning 34. Dorothy was 36 with young sons ages 5 and 16 months who adored their Daddy. In less than 48 hours, the life Dorothy and her beloved husband so carefully built together shattered. They were blessed to share just over 8 wonderful, joyous and fun years of marriage. While her heart is so thankful to God for having had their journey together, she has struggled since his death with feeling hurt and let down by God. She has felt so devastated that their love story was short and ended so abruptly. Join her as she shares her unfolding journey of grasping to faith in Christ as she journeys through love, loss, single parenthood, honoring her husband's legacy and guiding her sons through their grief and life without Daddy.
Oh yes, not at all for the faint of heart. I have said those words exactly to more than one person recently. Being my son’s only parent (I use this term instead of single parent because that one doesn’t feel like it fits me) is such a hard job and on the days when I’m pulling doubles as a mom and miss my other half the most, I’m so thankful for my Heavenly Father, who still carries me when I cry out to Him for help and strength.