I have been in Tampa, Fl since New Year’s Eve. It was imperative for me to wake up here because this is what I did at the end of 2016 going into 2017. I’ve had to establish a new tradition for the new year because the one I knew for decades has been broken. Moving into my second year without My Devan and I must admit I feel like a brand new baby still learning. Sometimes I forget that I am grieving because I just go and go.
A few months ago I started to realize that I was by myself more, now what I mean by that is that my family and friends have started to resume their own lives more fully. As most of us know when your husband passes you have everyone around you almost 24 hours a day. So as the days have turned into months I am faced with doing more things alone. Of course, I still have my support and I can call them whenever I need that extra support. However, I need to do some things on my own just me and GOD. I’ve also had to remind myself ‘Kim you are still in the beginning stages of grieving.” So I allow myself to feel. I don’t always like it when I am alone yet, I know that it’s very necessary in order to heal.
Setting Good Intentions
I was with my husband every day more than the average couple because of our business we have together, so not only am I missing my life partner but my business partner as well. Often times have to just stop and breath right where I am. I also feel like some people may think since my husband has passed away that I am free game now. Well, the answer is NO! Some woman may want to be somebody to anybody and I’m sure that there are many men out willing to be that “anybody” Nonetheless, I am so thankful for wisdom and discernment because I have had a love that can only come from GOD I can recognize the shenanigans from afar. There’s so much to do in 2018 and I will continue to allow the moments that I spend alone matter. Knowing that I am in this world for a very big purpose just like my husband was I will stay focused on the destination and enjoy the journey to get there.
I will embrace all of the good new things to come and all the good new memories that are attached to it. It comes with a choice deciding to trust my purpose and trust the reason I am still here. I know that I’m never alone and never will be. Also knowing that my story is for other women that have a loss and for those who may lose their husbands at some point in life.
I want to encourage people to allow yourself to grieve however you need to for you. Also remembering that you are never alone. Yes, it gets very lonely at times but we are never truly alone. Think about how your loved one would expect you to continue in this life without them and go above and beyond that.
Remember “moment by moment”