A Widows Purpose
When I first became a widow, I questioned everything. Of course I did. How could this happen to me, to us, to them? We were reeling out of this devastation after only 12 weeks from the first doctor visit to his death. The who, what, when, where, why and how hit you.
Who will love me now?
What do I do?
When will this pain subside?
Where do we go?
Why did this happen?
How will I go on?
I wondered so many things. I never was satisfied with the answers that I did get, and wanted to know more. I wanted to know what my purpose was here, left on this earth without the one I loved the most.
On February 20th it will be 2 years since the death of my husband. I dread the day of course like many other days I have dreaded before. Holidays, birthdays, anniversaries are always a reminder of what we lost. But I find myself reflecting more now on the happiness that we shared and less on the day reminding me that he is gone.
I joined a bunch of widow groups a few months after he died. A lot of them were on Facebook, some where in person support groups, and I also had lots of one on one therapy. The Hope for Widows Foundation was one of the first groups/blogs that I came across. I didn’t comment on posts, I just read. I read the blog posts, and the Facebook posts. Reading the journeys of these other widows, I started to not feel so alone. I had started my own blog at that point and wanted to reach more women. I yearned to be a part of this amazing place where we could feel safe. So I decided to ask how I could be a part of it and here I am. I have been a part of the wonderful group of bloggers for over a year now.
They say when you buy a car, all of a sudden you start seeing that make and model everywhere. When my husband got sick, I started hearing about cancer more and more in my sphere of friends. When I became a widow, I started finding them everywhere, or maybe they found me. It was my saving grace. I found a place where I could talk, write, yell, cry and every single person “Got me” Its not a place we want to be, but doesn’t it feel good to not feel alone? That is how I felt.
It went further than that. I felt that it was therapeutic for me to talk about my journey. I would tell people about the love story that I had, the amazing life that Jerry provided for his family and how it was all gone in a few short months. But I also told people that I refused to let this loss keep me from living.
I seem to be attracting widows…ha ha, does that sound crazy? I have found myself reaching out to a friend from many years ago that lost her husband suddenly, donating grief books to a widow in my area who I never met who lost hers during the holidays as well. Helping a friend who’s husband is home with Hospice suffering from the same cancer that my husband had. It helps me to help them.
I have learned that this journey is mine and no two are the same. We should not judge others “progress” or timeline. We should cry or scream when we want to and laugh more than we feel like we can.
I have wondered if all of these things that have been happening is because my journey had brought me to them. I want to help others, to be an ear to listen, or a shoulder to cry on. I need other widows to know that I am your sister. I am your friend. I have a purpose other than figuring out how to raise two boys and financially support the 3 of us. I have found new love, and made new friends, and I am still living. I always heard that year 2 was harder than the first and it definitely was in many ways…But I feel like I have also found my purpose.
Whatever your purpose may be, please don’t be afraid to seek it or let it find you…
“The meaning of life is to find your gift…The purpose of life is to give it away” – Pablo Picasso
“Legacy is not what’s left tomorrow when your gone. Its what you create, impact, and contribute today while you are here that then happens to live on” – Rasheed Ogunlaru
The two most important days in your life are the day you are born, and the day you find out why. – Mark Twain