Dreams – where do they go?
The other day I overheard a couple of coworkers talking about their lives and careers. Listening to them I realized that I didn’t have any dreams for the future right now. Those dreams all died the day Pat did. It made me feel quite old and sad. The people that were talking were only a few years younger then me but I feel so much older then they are. Pat and I had a lot of dreams, hopes and plans for our future together. We talked about it all the time. Those dreams evaporated along with the life I used to live.
After hearing that conversation I have spent time over the past few days really thinking about this and what has become clear in my head is I am too young to stop dreaming. I am too young to stop hoping and planning for my future. I truly don’t know what I want for my future right now but I do know I have to find that spark again. I may find that some of the plans Pat and I had is something I would still want or I might find that I want something completely different.
The one thing I do know is that life is too precious and short to stop living and dreaming. God willing, I have many years left to live and to do that without dreams and hope would be a waste.
I sat on my deck yesterday and remembered the days and nights Pat and I sat there talking about our future and how excited we were for so many things. Spring always brings thoughts of new life and new dreams. As I walk around my yard and see all the new flowers growing I am reminded that life continues on. I am hoping this spring and summer I can carry that over into my life and start dreaming new dreams. I want to look forward to that again. To be excited and plan for my future. I don’t know exactly where to begin but I know just thinking this is a step in the right direction. As I watch all of nature come to life this season I am starting to think about what my future can be.
So here is to new hopes and dreams and all that comes with that as I take the next step in this grief journey and begin to plan a future that only carries memories of what I thought it would be.
Dear Eileen, Thank you for this beautiful post. I, too, find myself without dreams and hope after losing my sweet Gary 13 months ago. My only true joy is my 15 month old grandson. But you are so right – I must find goals, dreams and purpose again. I don’t know how I will do that, but I think I just have to take that leap of faith and step out into the world again. Soon. I will take that leap … Soon.