Something the journey of widowhood brings up is uncertainty, I questioned things like my future, where to go from there, choices to make and even my own abilities. Along with my uncertainty came the fear. Fear and uncertainty are very uncomfortable. As my sissy tells me, “you got to sit in your shit” to learn that even though it’s uncomfortable, you can calm yourself and be okay being uncomfortable.

 

I am human and so naturally I fight being uncomfortable.  I do not want the conflict or the path with resistance.  Sometimes I even think when is it my turn for a break or for things to just go smoothly? I get tired of climbing mountains and swimming up stream. I’m human, I get scared and freak out. There are times I wish I could hide under a rock or burry my head in the sand. Maybe I could go into a deep slumber and someone could wake me up when it’s all over?

 

But reality is I have two children who depend on me. They need me to show up and try my best and fight with all my might.  Truth is I want to be able to show them that we are human and life happens.  Sometimes we might have to sit with the discomfort and that’s okay. In fact, it’s good for us to do. 

 

My life coach assures me that getting comfy with being uncomfortable is a good thing and will help me live the life I want to.  So I am trying to learn to sit with discomfort as if it’s a friend along for the ride.  You know the saying, “Practice makes perfect”? Well I am practicing and still waiting for the perfect. 🙂 I can tell you it does get easier the more you practice. 

 

To all you widows reading this, I encourage you to not fight your discomfort but rather be okay with it and find tools to help get through it.  We get to choose how the uncomfortable things affect us. Nobody can take that from us. 

About 

Celi Olson is a busy, single, working Mama of two, who loves to write. Her world turned upside down when she became a widow on June 29, 2017 when her husband took his life. Words, journaling, writing, poems all became huge tools of comfort and healing through her journey. Through her faith in God, family, friends, support groups and therapy she has learned a lot and grown. Celi has come to the point of sharing her experiences and what she is going through. She hopes it helps even one person or helps someone not feel alone, then it will be worth it.