When we are children we have dreams and visions of what our life will be like.  It often is never what we envisioned.  For me I didn’t envision such pain and hurt. I didn’t envision losing my husband to mental illness. But God didn’t promise me rainbows and sunshine all the time.

 

That sounds depressing doesn’t it? That God doesn’t promise us happiness?  I thought so at first too.  But after everything I have been through, especially since the death of my husband, I realized what God did promise.  He promises hope and a future.  He promised beauty for ashes. He promised to love me and always have my back. God has showed up for me every step of the way! 

 

I found that if I took a step in faith even though life hurt, God could still give me joy and beauty.  No, it didn’t take the pain away.  No, it didn’t make me forget.  But it sure helped to see beauty through it or have joy despite being in pain and hurting. I discovered it truly was possible to be at peace in the middle of a storm! God is good. What’s that saying? “Sometimes God calms the storm. But sometimes he lets the storm rage and calms the sailor.” I have experienced both. 

 

So I started making a point to look for the good things and the things to be grateful for.  I wrote them down at first.  It could have been something small like the sunset is gorgeous tonight.  Or something like a friend bringing dinner over or an aunt picking my kiddo from school.  Little by little that started to change my view.  I started focusing on those things instead of the pain, hurt and the bad things going on.  Some days took more work than others to hold onto those things.  Like anything you practice at, you get better and better at it.  

 

It’s hard to climb your way out sometimes of the dark pit you find yourself in.  Having hope is what helps lift us up! I found my hope in God. Maybe you do too or maybe you found it somewhere else.  But when you do find it my widow friends, hold onto it! Don’t lose hope! 

 

About 

Celi Olson is a busy, single, working Mama of two, who loves to write. Her world turned upside down when she became a widow on June 29, 2017 when her husband took his life. Words, journaling, writing, poems all became huge tools of comfort and healing through her journey. Through her faith in God, family, friends, support groups and therapy she has learned a lot and grown. Celi has come to the point of sharing her experiences and what she is going through. She hopes it helps even one person or helps someone not feel alone, then it will be worth it.