Life without a husband is hard. Like, really hard. I know my husband is here in spirit, and yes we talk daily. However he’s not here to wrangle the boys when I’m trying to cook dinner, or to take them to the park while I take a shower, or to make informed decisions about the car repairs (or just do them himself), or for us to go on weekend adventures together. That part of this journey is incredibly hard. I mean that’s no surprise to you I’m sure. If you’re reading this entry, that means you can probably relate to this exact feeling.
One of the things I’ve found that most challenging about not having him here physically is when things get chaotic or unruly. You see, he’s the guy who kept my feet on the ground when things started to get really stressful. He was the discerning one, the responsible in a crisis one, the grounded and practical one. Not only have we been living in a pandemic (and navigating those decisions with him has been hard enough), but the part of Canada I live in is in wildfire season, and it’s a particularly bad year. This has caused me a huge amount of anxiety lately knowing that I would have to manage this on my own if heaven forbid our area was hit with a fire. My husband was practical and capable and I felt safe with him, I felt safe that our kids had him as a dad, but now I and our kids only have me here physically and that means I have to learn to take my helpful preparedness but also channel my husbands grounded and discerning energy in a crisis, and whoa that’s a hard task. But really, the hardest part of the potential of a wildfire is that I would lose many of my husbands belongings, and as an incredibly sentimental person I find that absolutely devastating. I guess what I’m scared of in some ways is losing him all over again. In many ways I cling to his belongings as an extension of him. What a peculiar emotional experience coming from a medium who talks to husband in spirit every day. I have been trying to remind myself that ultimately as long as I have his ashes with us, I have him with us. And even beyond that, I can’t lose him because he is always here with me and its impossible for us to be a part. The ironic part is that he would be the first person to tell me that, and keep me rooted in knowing that.
As a result of all of this anxious and chaotic energy, I have been really leaning in to my grounding practices and I wanted to share ways in which I do so, in case perhaps your husband was your roots to the earth as well:
- Meditate. It doesn’t have to be hours long, it can be 5 minutes of no distractions and deep breathing to clear your mind, heart and body. 5 minutes a day can work wonders.
- Put your bare feet on the earth, soak up the sun (or moon), or submerge yourself in a body of water. Its amazing the healing and cleansing magic that mother earth has on our weary souls.
- Make a list. When in doubt, write it out. Lists are lifesavers for me and are a way to organize the chaos in my head. Writing it out allows me to feel like a have a handle on everything and won’t forget anything important.
- Make sure you’re eating, sleeping and hydrating as well as you possibly can. When your body is fueled and rested, it is much easier to remain centered and focused and keep anxiety at bay.
- Journal to him. It is so helpful to have a safe place to share the inner most workings of my heart to him. I write as if I’m speaking to him, and more often than not I hear or feel his response.
- Get in the kitchen. For me, creating in the kitchen is incredibly grounding. I love to try new meals, or ferment foods, or make infusions. It helps me feel connected to the food that nourishes my body, and also provides me a creative outlet as I rarely follow recipes.
- Clean your space. Physical clutter magnifies or even creates mental clutter. Cleaning and decluttering my space allows me to feel in control and clearer minded.
I know many of these things may seem so simple, and that’s because well, they are. Grounding your energy doesn’t have to be complicated, it just has to be consistent. I find that the longer I go without these things the more ungrounded I become, and the more ungrounded I become the more that the anxiety starts to rise in me. I don’t have to do all of these things every day by any means, but picking 1 or 2 per day is a good healthy practice for me to remain calm and prevent the internal chaos that life without my husband in physical can often bring. I know you all feel me, I know your life probably feels very similar very often. It’s a tough road being a widow, and even though our husbands are with us every single day, its up to us now to take care of ourselves in ways our husbands used to do for us. So I’d like to encourage you to implement some of these or some of your own practices in to your daily life to help you manage the anxiety that arises when you have to conquer something that would feel safer and easier with your husband here physically. It’ll help, I promise.