Note from Donna: One day out of frustration on not being able to come up with a suitable blog idea a new friend grinned and went “‘I’ll do it,” blinked at her and although I knew she was kind of joking I told her to go ahead, you have seen me at some of my most vulnerable what do you want the world to know about someone who has experienced widowhood?
The letter below is written to me from her, from the point of view of someone who admittedly can’t relate to being a widow or even married.
I love her honesty, her admittance of fear. Her bravery in allowing herself to be vulnerable and allowing me to both share it and share in it.
Sometimes I wish I allowed more people to bear witness to my grief and pain, but I know it can be scary so I would keep it to my chest.
Thank you Amanda for allowing me to share in your vulnerability as you share in mine
You asked me how I felt when you told me you were a widow, here is my answer!
At first I was very sad for you, my thoughts went to what I thought your future was supposed to look like. Losing David was many more loses for you than just a husband, it was parenthood with him, and your family. He was your family, your friend, your partner; I cannot relate and feel you are soo strong for making it thru.
After I got over the sadness I was in awe that you seemed so well put together, after what could have only been a serious trauma. I am very thankful I swiped right and have been given a chance to get to know you. Everyday you surprise me with your knowledge, your point of view and your overall acceptance of life and the way it is. You always seemed so strong and sure of who you are and what you want; I was jealous.
The first time you showed me your vulnerable side was a shock to me, I didn’t know you had so much going on and I wasn’t very supportive; Thank you for not writing me off and giving me a 2nd chance. I now love when you are vulnerable and yourself with me, makes me feel extremely lucky that you trust me enough to open up to me and let me in!
Dating a widow is a little scary and intimidating, having never been married or in such a long term relationship I cant relate to a lot of your experiences. I’ve never planned a wedding, furnished a place together or fully entwined my life with someone else. I will and do make mistakes, do you compare me to David? I worry that I cant live up to his standard. I take my time and let you set the pace because I don’t want to scare you, It took me awhile to admit we were dating; although we’ve never actually been on a date! It feels like we have known each other longer than we have, I also sometimes feel like I know David, would he have liked me?
I look forward to getting to know you better and learning as much as I can about who you are and who you were. I want you to feel completely comfortable sharing your past with me; everything I learn about you makes me like you more! Waking up to you makes my days easier to bare and I will enjoy our time for as little or as long as we have!