A lamentation is an expression of sorrowing, mourning, or regret. This blog is full of lamentations from widows. But it is also full of hope, hence the name “Hope for Widows”.
I recently read a blog post about venting. It made me really stop and think about the past 17 months. There is absolutely nothing wrong with lamenting, with sorrow, with mourning, with grief. Along with all this, though, there are many other emotions all tied up in knots.
There is love. All that love that I miss and long for. All the love I can’t show him anymore.
There is loneliness. Thankfully it’s not constant. I try to stay busy and will soon be working again. I go to church, have lunch with a friend on occasion, walk my dog, see my grandkids and shuttle them around to activities and school. But, when the nights roll around, the darkness and quiet open the floodgates of that loneliness that is always in the background.
“My face is flushed from weeping, And on my eyelids is the shadow of death”
– Job 16:16
There is anger. I’ve worked through that and am at peace with most of the things that made me angry last year. I think anger, unlike loneliness, can be controlled.
“In short, is it ok to “vent?” Scripture offers a nuanced response. It gives permission, admonishes caution, and provides direction. It gives permission for honest expression, caution to avoid harm, and direction to express your heart to God. “ – Todd Stryd
There is thankfulness. This one doesn’t always come easy, I am trying to purposefully look for God’s grace and mercy in my world.
There is anxiety and fear. This is a big one for me. I never considered myself an anxious person, but 4-5 years ago I found myself having small bouts of anxiety. I don’t say they are full blown anxiety attacks, but the helpless feeling they bring can be frightening. Now I have to fight it more often. I pray and remind myself of the things that are going right, the things I have to be grateful for. I remember Who my Father is and Who cares for me.
There is confusion. We try to laugh off “Widow’s Brain’ or ”Widow’s Fog” but it’s real. A lot of it can be attributed to lack of sleep.
There is hesitancy. The lack of confidence pops up when I have to make a decision I’ve never been faced with before or perform a task that’s new for me. As widows there are so many decisions to make in a very short time after our spouses die. There are so many things we now have to do that our husbands took care of. I bought a house this year that seems to be somewhat of a money pit. As I write this the roofers are finishing up with the new roof on my 96 year old house.
This is just the tip of the roller coaster of emotions we go through on a daily basis. But, as I read the Bible I find others who experienced these feelings. David, Job, Solomon, and many others. It helps knowing I’m in good company!