Dip your toe into the water. Test it out to see if it is the correct temperature. It feels okay to step into it but not far. Go a bit further. Then realize you are not ready to take the plunge just yet.
That is how signing up for a dating app went this week. I figured I would try it even if I am not sure I am ready for a long-term relationship it would be a good first step. So I picked one and went for it.
I made it three days before I deleted it. This is not the first time I have tried it and not the first time I deleted it. Test the waters until I realize that I am not ready.
Life has this way of making me think I am ready to take a plunge when I am just feeling more adventurous than I am. Things have been better. My heart is healing. And I still believe in love so why not try.
I always end up thinking these guys are not my type or comparing them to Matt. I swipe left more than right and they always like a photo. And what is with all of them going to the gym or hiking that is not a thing?
I want to believe that we all get more than one love but do we. Do we get multiple “ones”?
Matt and I were not perfect not romanticizing our relationship is something I don’t do. I don’t want another Matt and that is not what I am looking for.
When joining these dating apps, I always think half of these guys are probably married. Especially the ones that have at least one picture with a woman their age in the profile.
For the other half, I end up thinking there is a reason they are single.
At this moment I know that I am not ready and delete happens.
Not that I was ready when Matt and I started dating. And that was us being friends for six months before that.
So instead of dating someone today, I was looking into adopting another dog. I am ready for that. A voice in my head said I knew you would end up with 27 dogs. I laughed a bit knowing Matt is up there laughing.
I might not be ready now but I still have faith. That I will not find another love on a dating app. Matt and all of my family along with God will put the right person in my life when it is time.
Until then I will adopt Dogs and work towards fostering a child. I will make shadow boxes to hang on my walls and paint.
I will stick to my routines to stay busy and not download a dating app.