“Two roads diverged in a yellow wood, and sorry I could not travel both, and be one traveler, long I stood, and looked down one as far as I could, To where it bent in the undergrowth;”
As a teen, The Road Not Taken by Robert Frost was my favorite poem. Now as an adult I am starting to understand the meaning better than before. As I walk in the woods going to the back of my property there are two roads one is easier one is steeper.
That is how life feels now as a widow. There are two roads and I need to figure out which is the better way forward. Sometimes I think I know but then my heart is not sure and wants to try and turn around.
I am starting to move forward getting further away from the road I was on with Matt life is getting easier to get through the days. Yesterday I had a farm warming party, and I did not feel his absence. A sign that I am on the correct road. Surrounded by people I love celebrating something rather than coming together in sorrow.
Now I stand at the beginning of another set of roads—one where I continue on this journey alone. And one where I consider dating again.
On the first road, it is safe and easy. Never getting attached to a person that will end up leaving. Protecting my heart. Knowing that I own my own home. I am a strong independent woman that does not need a man.
The other road contains all my fears. Falling in love again and then experiencing heartbreak. Can I survive that a second time?
With the right person, I could move forward. And at times I think that I know who that is but there are reasons that it could never work. Then the voice in my head tells me that maybe Matt was my one chance at love.
Taking control of my path and not just floating through life hoping it turns out okay. I will not be joining any dating apps or looking for love.
I will continue my healing road. The one that I believe God will guide me forward. That when I am ready to love again that God will put them in my path. I am putting my faith in God and giving over control.
My heart is finally healing, but I am not ready to choose the harder road just yet. I need more time to finish healing. But time is healing my wounds.