In another time in another place he is with me.

In another time in another place I sit at the kitchen table listening to the clock tick while I read my book. He is still in bed and that is while I am alone.

In another time in another place. He never died he is out in the world doing something. We are just not together anymore. When I lie in bed trying to find sleep the thought that pops into my head is I wonder what he is up to not he is no longer alive.

In another time in another place. We never got married. When he broke up with me when we had just started dating I accepted that and we went our separate ways. Finding love with other people getting the happy ever after we wanted.

In another time in another place. We became friends but never dated.

In another time in another place I never worked for Tractor Supply and we never met. I do not feel the loss of him because I did not know him.

In another time in another place I am not broken.

In another time in another place I do not know what love feels like as it is being ripped away.

In another time in another place we had a child who looks like him but acts like me. Who walks around barefoot and is stubborn.

In another time in another place he is sitting at his computer playing a game while I do something else. I walk up behind him put my head on his shoulder and try and distract him so he will spend time with me.

In another time in another place. My heart is still whole my soul is not shattered things have not always seemed so doomed.

But in this time frame in this house I did know him. And on days like Thursday when anxiety strikes I wish he was there to hug me and calm me. Instead of the he is no longer alive thought that plagues me.

In this time in this place I am lost.

In this time in this place I am drowning. I can’t seem to stay ahead of my grief.

In this time in this place I just want him near me.

In this time in this place I am surviving. One day at a time.

In this time in this place I am glad for the people in my corner.

In this time in this place. Matt was so very much alive and will forever live in my soul.

About 

Laurel became a young widow on October 2, 2020, her husband Matt had a heart attack he was only 37. Matt was a juvenile diabetic and they always knew he would die young but she never thought that she could be a widow at 32. Navigating grief with anxiety, regrets and guilt have been a struggle for Laurel. They had gotten into a fight days before he died and they had talked about divorce. One of the things that helped her the most is finding other widows who understood the pain she was feeling. In February she decided to start writing her story. Self-care is something else she started to do daily and art has become her outlet to get what she is feeling out which she shares on her Instagram. Being a young widow comes with its own challenges but we are not alone in this journey.
You can find her on Instagram @HealingPorcupine or her personal blog link- Healingporcupine.com.

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Laurel Snook

Laurel became a young widow on October 2, 2020, her husband Matt had a heart attack he was only 37. Matt was a juvenile diabetic and they always knew he would die young but she never thought that she could be a widow at 32. Navigating grief with anxiety, regrets and guilt have been a struggle for Laurel. They had gotten into a fight days before he died and they had talked about divorce. One of the things that helped her the most is finding other widows who understood the pain she was feeling. In February she decided to start writing her story. Self-care is something else she started to do daily and art has become her outlet to get what she is feeling out which she shares on her Instagram. Being a young widow comes with its own challenges but we are not alone in this journey. You can find her on Instagram @HealingPorcupine or her personal blog link- Healingporcupine.com.

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